


She Will Be Loved

by Delphines_puppy



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Cophine Fluffathon, F/F, Fluff, Good Intentions, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8607817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphines_puppy/pseuds/Delphines_puppy
Summary: When Delphine Cormier leaves the privileged lifestyle of teaching the elite in France to join the faculty at a High School in Toronto, she learns that sometimes you can find love in the most unusual of places, more specifically in her classroom.When Delphine is tasked to teach a class of 12th graders she meets a student who’s intelligence, maturity and charm are well beyond that of her peers. Her student, Cosima Niehaus, is in every sense of the word brilliant, so much so that she is able to make Delphine question her beliefs about everything she thought she knew -including the inappropriateness of falling in love with your student.Cover art work: http://marite-82.tumblr.com/image/154352086443 - By Marite-82





	1. Professional

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, as you can see from the summary this is a student/teacher AU story. I in no way intend for Cosima to be under the age of consent. In Canada where this is set, by law you are not sexually exploiting someone, regardless of the situation, if they are 18 (which Cosima will be soon).
> 
> Just going to give a blanket warning that will apply to all chapters: throughout there will be a ton of angst (don't worry there will also be lots of fluff to counterbalance it), there will also be explicit language and sexual content.
> 
> I'm still new to writing so please go easy on me, feel free to leave me any comments or questions-enjoy!
> 
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpbGkpDBHGU

** SEPTEMBER **

 

_You ask me what I've done with my life. Why I am 23 with so many unfinished shelves, so many futures I could not commit to. But you don't know how much of my time has been spent keeping myself alive._

 

_That may sound dramatic but it's true. One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life._

 

_And this is my life. I’m a 23-year-old newly single woman leaving her home in Paris to explore... let's call them new opportunities. You see, I recently broke up with my college lover, Marc, we were together for 6 years, he was the man that all men envied and all women lusted after, well all women except me it would appear. My family were more devastated about our separation than I was, my parents, in particular, took in upon themselves to mourn the loss of their would be rich, handsome, educated son-in-law and decided to quite literally shun me for disgracing the family and breaking Marc's heart._

 

_In truth, he wasn't a bad man, he just treated me badly. After the initial blissful years of our relationship, he took to ignoring me and criticising everything I was, my profession, my looks, my personality. He began to resent me because I was no longer the same 17-year-old that he fell in love with, how could I be? I was no longer a teenager anymore. And rather than break up with me he tried to drive me away so he could look like the heartbroken victim, he wore me down and made me cry almost every day until I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't healthy, I was miserable and in constant fear of what twisted tactic he would use to degrade me next. Call me names? Throw out my nice clothes? Refuse to let me contact my friends? These were common actions of his in our relationship, I knew I should have left him sooner, I should have but I didn't. In fact, he **was** a bad man, a bad man who treated me badly._

 

_Which is my I finally left him, I no longer cared about my reputation. Now, here I am uprooting my life to Toronto to teach at a beautifully average high school. In France, I was a teaching assistant at a preparatory school full of pretentious, self-entitled brats with an A grade attitudinal problem. In all honestly, I am relieved to escape my life in Paris, all of the rumours and gossip became too much, I welcomed this new challenge where I am unknown and free to reinvent myself and live for myself without Marc’s shadow hanging over me. Where I can finally breathe easy without feeling as though my lungs are constricted from the weight of my family or Marc's disappointment and disapproval._

 

“Excuse me, Delphine Cormier?” 

 

Delphine was snapped back to reality by the rather impatient sound of principal Leekie’s receptionist beckoning her towards her with a less than impressed expression slapped across her face.

 

Delphine rose from the waiting area outside of her new bosses office and hurried over to the receptionist desk, “oui, my apologises.”

 

The receptionist discreetly rolled her eyes, although not discrete enough it would appear, “I said Mr Leekie will see you now.”

 

Delphine nodded eagerly and smiled falsely, “great thank you.”

 

Delphine turned towards her bosses office door and knocked gently before she heard a voice from the other side inviting her in.

 

Delphine entered only to be met by a man typing at his computer with a scrunched up nose, clearly, he was struggling with whatever it was he was looking at. He looked up to greet his new employee.

 

“Ah Mrs Cormier, it’s lovely to meet you finally, well in person that is.” Mr Leekie rose from his chair and put his hand out to shake Delphine's.

 

Delphine accepted his gesture and smiled at her new boss, “It's Miss actually, but please call me Delphine. It is lovely to meet you also.”

 

“My apologise. Likewise, I’m Aldous, please Delphine, take a seat.” Aldous gestured towards the chair situated in front of his desk and Delphine happily took her seat. 

 

Aldous turned to face Delphine fully, ignoring whatever he was doing on his computer before she entered and offered her a sincere smile, “so Delphine, I must say your resume is incredibly impressive. My well, you’re only 23, not much older than some of our students, and yet you have already graduated top of your class and have had a years experience as a TA at a very prestigious school.”

 

Delphine returned his smile, “thank you, Aldous, I was very fortunate to TA whilst I completed my dissertation, hence my experience at such a young age.”

 

“Ah I see, you clearly must have been an excellent student to be offered such a wonderful opportunity. I am certainly excited to have such a qualified teacher join our English department.”

 

“Yes well, I am very happy to be here.” 

 

“I must ask, though, if you wouldn't mind I don't mean to pry, it's just that why leave your previous school? There is no doubt that it is a far more exemplary school than ours?”

 

Delphine played nervously with the hem of her skirt, luckily it was shielded from Aldous's view by the desk, “I just needed a change of scenery.” _It isn't a lie exactly._

 

“Very well then say no more. Like I said we are thrilled to have you here.”

 

“Merci, I am very excited to begin.”

 

“Well yes, school officially begins tomorrow hence the lack of moody adolescence’s roaming the corridors. Today is just a day for teachers to get their lesson plans in order and prepare their classrooms for the new school year.”

 

“Okay, I see.”

 

“I was planning on giving you a brief breakdown of your duties and I need you to sign some final pieces of paperwork and then I’ll take you to the staff room where I’ll introduce you to the rest of your department.”

 

“Bon. Thank you, Aldous that sounds great.”

 

“Very well then, let's get these tedious tasks out of the way.”

 

The next hour or so past with ease. Delphine felt comfortable around her new boss, he actively tried to make her smile and clue her into all of the Canadian teenage slang that he knew would be lost on her. He was thoughtful and if half of the other faculty were as nice as he was, she was assured she had made the right decision to move here.

 

After the final admin tasks were completed, Aldous guided Delphine towards the far end of the building where he led her into a wide, well-lit room full of other teachers. He ushered her over to a woman standing in the small kitchenette making coffee.

 

Aldous gestured towards the woman, “Delphine, this is Siobhan Sadler. She is head of the English department. I’ll leave you two to get acquainted.”

 

Delphine smiled widely at Aldous, “merci Aldous, I will see you tomorrow.”

 

Aldous smiled back and began to walk towards the door, “you will indeed. And if I don't see you tomorrow morning, good luck Delphine, not that you’ll need it.”

 

After Aldous had left Delphine turned back to her colleague, “bonjour Ms Sadler, it is a pleasure.” Delphine held her hand out to shake her hand and was relieved when the woman reciprocated her gesture.

 

“It’s Siobhan please, and the pleasure is all mine. Aldous sent me over a copy of your resume and I must say I am very excited to have you on our team. I’m sure you’re going to love it here.”

 

“Thank you and I’m sure I will too. You all seem very nice and the school is lovely.”

 

“Ha! Thank you, Delphine, we try our best. But on a more serious note, if you need anything at all whether it's about your work or a troublesome student or if you just want someone to talk to or a tour guide I’m here okay? It must be very daunting to move to a new country alone and well we have to stick together in this world, no room for loneliness.”

 

“Thank you, Siobhan, really that is very kind of you.”

 

Before Siobhan could respond the door of the staff room flew open and in came a woman practically skipping over to a group of men at least in their 60’s dressed in lab coats and tweed from head to toe. 

 

Delphine could hear the distant murmur of Siobhan talking to her but she couldn't avert her eyes from the vibrant woman. She was wearing a bohemian dress and combat boots, a combination that should never work but somehow she manages to pull it off effortlessly. Her brown dreadlocks were tied in a neat bun atop her head, her thick black-rimmed glasses outlined her beautiful dark eyes. She was in a word breathtaking. And not in a typical way, more in a uniquely warm and inviting kind of way, she was wearing a grin that never wavered, even when she spoke to the older prickly looking men. If first impressions could kill, Delphine was sure she would have died and been resurrected by the brunette's smile at least several hundred times by now. She had an instant effect on Delphine, one that drew her in and made her want to befriend this bundle of joy. Delphine found herself grinning like an idiot at the very thought that she could be friends with someone as bright as her.

 

 _Please let her be part of the English department_. Delphine silently prayed. 

 

As discretely as should could Delphine turned back to her colleague, “Siobhan who is that?”

 

“Who?” Siobhan swung around on her heel to look at the woman Delphine was gesturing towards, “oh that's Cosima.”

 

“Co-si-ma?”

 

“Yeah she’s incredible, I mean truly brilliant. Our very own little Einstein with the personality of a firecracker. She must be returning the keys to the lab back to Dr. Nealon, she’s always working that one I swear if school was open over summer she would be here every day.”

 

“Oui I can tell. Which department does she belong to?”

 

“Oh no Delphine, Cosima isn't a teacher, she's a student. 12th grade actually, Lord knows our test averages are going to plummet when she leaves. As a matter of fact, if I remember the timetables correctly, I'm sure that she's going to be in your English class.”

 

 _Merde, this is going to be a very long year_.

 


	2. Somebody Told Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5fBdpreJiU

After a sleepless night filled with relentless tossing and turning, Delphine was surprised when she managed to make it into work this morning without passing out from exhaustion. After mingling and getting to know her new colleagues for a while, Delphine braved a look at her watch and realised that it was time to head over to her classroom, lessons were due to begin any minute now. 

 

Delphine stood in her classroom writing her name on the refreshingly traditional chalkboard. Her 12th grade English class were due to enter any second for their first ever lesson with her. Delphine felt relieved that she would at least know one person in the sea of strange faces, _Cosima_. 

 

_Why am I so nervous? You’ve taught this subject before countless times, well sure Delphine but they were younger. These students are near enough adults, in fact I’m sure some of them, the older students must already be 18. That’s why you’re nervous- you see them as equals and you don't want to be judged and criticised by someone whose intellect and opinions are on par with your own. Merde, get over it Delphine, you are their teacher, you have to be authoritative and stern, don't let them see you as a pushover. But what if -_

 

Delphine’s classroom door swung open and in flew a group of maximum 10, young adults. She just watched in awe as they strutted in with a cool, calm demeanour- Delphine looked like a deer caught in headlights as she felt a nervousness settle in the pit of her stomach. And then she saw her, Cosima, she was the last to enter talking to a guy with his arm slung around her waist pulling her tighter towards him. _A boyfriend?_

 

The students took their seats, their conversations died down as they all turned to Delphine expectantly. 

 

_Well, they certainly are respectful at least._

 

Delphine cleared her throat, “good morning everyone, welcome back. I’m sure that you are all very sad that summer is over and I’m sure that you would all rather be anywhere but here right now. So as a way to ease you all back into lessons, I figured that today we would take things slowly, get to know one another as I am clearly new here, also I will tell you the plans for the next few months. To begin, let me introduce myself, I am Miss Cormier, your English teacher for this year.”

 

Delphine walked around to the front of her desk and leant against it as she heard a group at the back of the classroom laughing quietly and sniggering. They were a group of boys and two girls, one of whom was Cosima, yet Cosima was the only person to look at Delphine, Cosima met her gaze and offered a disarming smile.

 

Delphine found herself smiling back at the brunette before returning her attention to the rest of the class, "let's get the boring part out of the way first. Your assignment this year will focus on poetry. I will expect all of you to submit a final poem by the end of the school year- which may sound like an easy feat but let me assure you I am a very harsh grader who will not accept anything less than your own person absolute best. We will work throughout the year on different styles of poetry until you settle on one that you enjoy and use as inspiration to write your own poems."

 

Delphine's attention was drawn to a young man whose hand shot up in the back, the same man who was holding Cosima when he entered. He had his feet on the table, phone in hand texting and quite frankly he dressed like a frat boy. _So you’re going to be the pretentious asshole in this class, d’accrod._

 

Delphine looked over at the young man, “Yes Mr…”

 

“Dierden, But you can call me Paul, in fact _you_ can call me anything you like.” Delphine watched as Cosima blushed and discreetly buried her head in her hand. She was sitting next to Paul, she looked uncomfortable as Paul rested his hand on her thigh. _Don’t read into things Delphine._

 

“Okay, what can I do for you, Paul?”

 

“I was just wondering, Miss Cormier, what exactly makes you qualified to teach us, you can't even speak English properly.”

 

A roar of laughter erupted from Paul's friends, they all high-fived him and a chorus or “oooooos” and “ahhhhhs” echoed in Delphine’s classroom. 

 

Delphine felt a blush creep across her from the neck upwards. How was she meant to respond to that? Yes, she had a French accent, clearly, but that didn't detract from her ability to speak English.

 

Before Delphine had a chance to respond she heard a voice jump to her defence. 

 

“Don't be such an asshole, Paul.”

 

“Babe, calm down I'm only messing around.”

 

“Yeah well, its not funny. Your worshipers are only laughing with you because they secretly want to fuck you…” Cosima turned to the group of Paul’s friends who had suddenly gone silent, “…exactly thats what I thought.”

 

“Don't be a bitch Cosima.”

 

 _What did he just call her?_ Delphine leapt forward from her position leaning against her desk and called out, “okay that's enough.”

   

“Miss Cormier, this is between my girlfriend and I, this doesn't concern you understood? Or are you finding it hard to comprehend my English?”

 

Cosima looked at Paul dead in the eye, “Jesus Paul! You’re so ignorant, what is wrong with you? French people have produced some of the greatest literature of all time. French writers have been awarded more Nobel Prizes in Literature than novelists, poets and essayists of any other country. France itself ranks first in the list of Nobel Prizes in literature. So before you decide to bash an entire culture of people to massage your own ego and look cool in front of your boyfriends do your goddamn research first so that you don't sound like an unintelligent jerk."

 

Paul chuckled in a nervous disbelief, “you’re completely right.” Paul turned to Delphine, “Miss Cormier I’m sorry, sometimes my jokes aren't to everyone’s taste.”

 

Cosima bit back, “that’s not an apology Paul.”

 

Paul murmured something which Delphine can only assume was explicit under his breath before he turned to her fully and put his phone away. “Miss Cormier, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to insult you.”

 

“It is fine Paul, lets just move on… But first, to answer your initial question, I graduated top of my class in English at the most respected university in France. My dissertation on the complex and underlying themes of dystopian French and English literature was published in the ‘International Journal of English and Literature’ when I was only 22. I have a years teaching experience teaching English to students not much younger than yourself at a world renowned preparatory school and I have an exemplary record for never having a student who has gotten below an A grade. I have done all of this by the age of 23. Does that make me qualified enough in your eyes to teach you high school English?”

 

Again the classroom was filled with “oooooos” and “ahhhhhs”, this time from the remainder of the class, all cheering Delphine on in her sassy comeback. Delphine couldn't help but blush as she looked to Cosima who was beaming at her, flashing her a wide toothy grin as she chuckled at her boyfriend's expense. 

 

Paul blushed and took his phone out again fraying an interest, “I guess.”

 

“Very well, lets get back to our initial lesson plan. Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”

 

And so they did, everyone else in the class seemed to be welcoming and funny, even some very intelligent. There were a few students that stood out to her, Alison clearly the teacher's pet, Sarah the fearless English exchange student, Scott the intelligent nerd and of course Cosima, the all-rounder.

 

As the bell rang and the class began to filter out Delphine saw Cosima loitering at the back of the room packing up her bag. Paul and his gang had been the first people to leave and in all honesty, Delphine was happy to see them go. 

 

Once everyone had left Cosima approached Delphine’s desk. 

 

“Miss Cormier?”

 

Delphine turned around from the chalkboard she was erasing to see Cosima standing at her desk with a sheepish and apologetic smile on her face. 

 

“Oui Miss Niehaus what can I do for you.”

 

Cosima was toying with the assortment of rings on her finger, “it’s just Cosima. And I just wanted to apologise for the way Paul spoke to you. He had no right.”

 

Delphine took a step towards the brunette and offered a warm smile, “well, merci Cosima but you do not have to apologise for him. You did nothing wrong.”

 

“I know, I know its just well I don't want you to think that we're all like him because we're not.”

 

“He is your boyfriend non?”  _Merde Delphine! Why did you say that? That doesn't even make any sense._

 

Cosima crossed her arms defensively, “well, yes but that doesn't mean I agree with his opinions.”

 

Delphine nodded her head in understanding, “yes, I’m sorry your right. In my school everyone followed the crowd and were afraid to have their own opinions. I should not have assumed you were one of those people. Also, since you're here I feel as though I should thank you for defending me.”

 

“No, it's totally cool, like I love French literature you have no idea!”

 

“Really? That's so refreshing to hear. Most people your age have no interest in their own countries literature, let alone other peoples.”

 

“Yeah well, I’m not most people.” 

 

Delphine chuckled, “oui I can see that.” 

 

The school bell rang again signifying the beginning of the next lesson. 

 

Cosima sighed as though she was genuinely disappointed, “shit I’m going to be late again! Shit I’m sorry! I mean I’m sorry for swearing and for my asshole boyfriend… and for swearing again. I gotta run. It was really nice to meet you Miss Cormier and to finally have a teacher that I can talk about French literature with!” Cosima began reluctantly walking backwards towards the door. 

 

Delphine laughed, “it’s okay Cosima it was lovely to meet you also, now go to your next lesson. I will see you next week oui?”

 

Cosima smiled and gave Delphine a small wave as she walked out of the door, “oui au revoir Mademoiselle Cormier.”

 

__________________

 

After her free period, Delphine made her way to the staff room. She was immediately greeted by a smiling Siobhan with a cup of coffee for them both.

 

“Hey Delphine, how was your first lesson?”

 

“It was…eh…interesting to say the least.”

 

“Oh, how so?”

 

“Well there was an incident, no an altercation with Paul Dierden, do you know him?”

 

“Oh God how could I not! His father is like the governor of this school district, he thinks that he can be a little shit and do whatever he wants because his dad practically owns the school.”

 

“Ah, I see that would explain his self-entitled attitude.” 

 

“Yeah, anyway what happened?”

 

“He questioned my ability to teach him English because I am French.”

 

“Ha! He did the same to me because I’m from England! I remember telling him that if anything it makes me over qualified. And do you know what he said?”

 

“Non, tell me.”

 

“Okay brace yourself…he said, ‘how can you teach me English if you can't even speak American properly?’”

 

Simultaneously Delphine and Siobhan burst out with laughter, making the entire staff room turn to face them. They panted as they tried to catch their breath, only to laugh even harder each time they looked at each other.

 

Delphine hid her face in Siobhan shoulder and Siobhan wiped the tears away from her own eyes.

 

Delphine pulled away still struggling to catch her breath, “he DID NOT say that to you really?”

 

Siobhan sniffled exhaling slowly, “You’re damn right he did!”

 

“I don't think I’ve laughed so hard in forever! Maybe teaching him this year is going to be fun after all.”

 

“Yeah maybe. But what did you say to him after that?”

 

“I didn't need to say anything actually, Cosima jumped to my defence and put forward an intelligent argument as to why he was being a little shit. She shut down his ignorant stereotypes completely.”

 

“That's our Cosima.”

 

Delphine couldn't help but smile to herself, _oui, that's our Cosima._


	3. Sweet Disposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxKjOOR9sPU
> 
> Thank you Dr.Cormier for motivating me after the struggles this week <3

Delphine lay awake in bed, contemplating the highs and lows of her first week in Toronto. Her colleagues and the vast majority of her students had been very welcoming and sweet, that was a positive. However, she found herself feeling homesick, not necessarily from the lack of family or friends close by, but more from the change in culture and surroundings. 

 

Luckily Siobhan had noticed Delphine’s restlessness and insisted that she let her take her to a poetry reading this weekend. Reluctantly Delphine agreed, poetry after all was her favourite type of literature. 

 

Delphine was just about to get ready for her day with Siobhan when her phone vibrated on her bedside table startling her. Delphine looked at it to see 3 missed calls and a text message from Siobhan. Delphine opened the message and it read:

 

**Hey, love, I’m so sorry I have to cancel on you last minute. I have to take care of Felix, he's unwell. But I called the organisers and gave them your name so you can get in without the tickets, they'll be expecting you. Sorry again, see you Monday - I’ll buy you lunch to make it up to you.**

 

Delphine sighed and rolled back over in bed contemplating the idea of cancelling her plans altogether. _No Delphine, just get up and go._ Delphine replied to Siobhan’s message as she made her way into her kitchen to make herself breakfast:

 

**No Siobhan, don't apologise, please. I understand Felix is your son, of course, he takes priority, give him my best wishes, I hope he feels better. I will see you Monday.**

 

Delphine finished her breakfast and got dressed, she finished unpacking the rest of her possessions and by the time she was finished it was near enough time to leave for her evening out. She called a cab to take her to the theatre, convinced she would get lost if she was left to use the public transport. 

 

Delphine managed to make it in time just before it started, she took one of the few seats left on the end of the row. She placed her coat and bag on the empty seat next to her as to avoid the unwelcome literary discussions with pretentious strangers. 

 

Delphine was on her phone trying to look busy when she realised that someone was placing her coat and bag on the floor in front of her.

 

Delphine looked at her things on the floor “excuse me I’m saving-“

 

Delphine looked at the person sitting in the chair next to her.

 

“Cosima?”

 

“Hey Miss C, hows it going?”

 

Cosima handed Delphine a glass of wine as she sipped her own drink and smiled widely around the rim of the glass.

 

“Cosima, what are you doing here?”

 

“Homework. Well, I mean sort of. You said we're writing poetry this year right? I figured that listening to a bunch of professionals recite their work would be a good place to research different kinds of poetry and stuff.”

 

“Oh mhm I see.”

 

“Oh shit, have I totally just stole your dates seat? I’ll go-“ Cosima stood up and turned to leave.

 

Delphine reached for her arm and shook her head eagerly, “-non, no one is sitting here.”

 

Cosima grinned slyly, “really? I though you said you were saving it for someone?”

 

“Okay well, I may have told a tiny lie.”

 

“Ha, its okay I get it, didn’t want to sit next to a psychotic stranger huh?”

 

Delphine chuckled and sipped her wine, “exactly.”

 

“Well- hey at least I’m not a stranger.”

 

“Cosima... Is this your way of informing about your psychopathy?”

 

Cosima let out a quiet titter, “Maybe, maybe not. And anyway don't change the subject, Miss Cormier, I thought that the French were honest people.”

 

“We are!” Delphine pouted.

 

Cosima laughed at the blondes attempt to make her feel guilty, “I'm only messing with you.”

 

“Bon. And please call me Delphine… now I mean… not in school obviously.”

 

“Okay then Delphine”, Cosima took another sip from her glass. 

 

“And eh… thank you for the wine but-"

 

“-But how did a 17-year-old buy booze?”

 

“Yeah, I mean I’m only just legally allowed to buy it,” Delphine grinned.

 

“Well, people tell me I look a lot older than 17… plus I kinda have a fake ID that makes me 21.”

 

“Ah I see, that's very cheeky…and very illegal.”

 

“Yep, that's me, a cheeky criminal. Be cool though, don't like rat me out to the feds okay?” Cosima raised her eyebrows.

 

Delphine giggled, “okay I promise I won't rat you out so long as you stay on my good side. D’accord?”

 

“Oui, sounds fair to me.”

 

The theatre lights flashed signalling for everyone to take their seats. The performances began and one by one each poet read their work, many of them were beautiful, Delphine couldn't help but notice the way Cosima’s eyes were transfixed on each performer. 

 

Finally, the last performer took his seat on the stage.

 

“Hey everyone, thank you for coming out to support all of us. I’m going to finish this evening with one of my poems its called ‘Sweet Disposition’”.

 

Cosima looked over to Delphine and smiled in a silent appreciation for the work they had heard that evening.

 

“Never too soon

Oh wreckless abandon

Like no one’s watching you

A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs

So stay there

Cause I'll be coming over

While our blood’s still young

So young it runs

and we won't stop till its over

won't stop to surrender’”

 

There was a roar of applause that eventually died down as people began to filter out of the theatre. 

 

Delphine turned to Cosima as they walked together towards the exit.

 

“How are you getting home?”

 

“I'm just gonna walk, I only live a couple of blocks away.”

 

“Okay, mind if I join you?”

 

“Well, aren't you chivalrous?”

 

Delphine grinned as she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Once outside, the pair began their journey back to Cosima’s house.

 

“So Cosima, in your expert opinion, what did you make of that last poem?”

 

“What Sweet Disposition?”

 

“Oui.”

 

“Okay well I don't know about an expert opinion but… I think its about a couple, I mean the lines ‘ _a moment, a love/ a dream, a laugh/ a kiss, a cry/ our rights, our wrongs’,_ are all about moments that couples are supposed to share with one another. Also, the first stanza of the poem, _‘Sweet Disposition/ never too soon/ oh reckless abandon/ like no one's watching you’_ , is talking about lost love, as though the subject of the poem had been renounced by their true love. Then, the middle stanza, _‘Just stay there/ cause I'll be coming over/ and while our bloods still young/ it's so young/ it runs/ and we won't stop till it's over/ won't stop to surrender’_ is talking about how they're still so young and they won't give up on their love until it's over, as in death. I think that overall, the poem is about a couple in love who are fighting so hard to be together but obstacles, I guess life in general, is stopping them, but they know that deep down their love is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love and so they cant just walk away from each other because it would be like leaving a soulmate and I guess leaving a part of themselves too. So they devote themselves to one another with a promise to always love each other even though they may not always be together.”

 

Delphine stared at Cosima in awe, “You got all of that from a 1-minute poem?”

 

Cosima laughed, “mhm, imagine what I could do with a 2-minute poem.”

 

Delphine beamed at the smaller woman, “you really love literature don't you?”

 

“Yeah I mean don't get me wrong I love novels and all of that stuff but poetry is by far my favourite.”

 

 _Me too_ , “Really? Why?”

 

“I like the fact that poetry can be imperfect and still be meaningful.”

 

“Yes, I can understand that.”

 

“What about you Delphine? Why do you like poetry?”

 

“For similar reasons to you, I guess. I like that poetry is irregular and unpredictable. Poetry can be a single word or thousands yet both extremes can still have the same emotional impact on a person.”

 

“Wow, that's deep.”

 

“No deeper than your reason.”

 

“Yeah okay fair enough.”

 

“So am I to take it that English is your favourite subject?”

 

Cosima smirked and met Delphine’s awaiting gaze, “okay so don't kill me…” Delphine raised an eyebrow and a half smile at the brunette, “I’m kind of like married to biology.”

 

“Married?”

 

“Yeah as in like totally devoted to it.”

 

“Ah I see-“

 

“-But English is totally like my mistress you know?”

 

“So English is your dirty little secret?”

 

“Yep absolutely, I love them both.”

 

“But you just love biology more, clearly, since you chose to marry it over English.”

 

Cosima began laughing, she stopped dead in the street and hunched over grabbing her stomach struggling to catch her breath.

 

Delphine found herself involuntarily laughing with Cosima, “Quoi?”

 

Cosima wiped a tear of laughter away from her eye, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry- its just I can totally imagine you and Dr. Nealon like having a fist fight in the staff room over my love.”

 

“Cosima- Dr. Nealon is like 60- I think that would be an unfair fight don't you?”

 

“Hey hey don't underestimate that mans love for my scientific brain- I think he'd beat you hands down.”

 

 _I’d like to see him try_ , “mhm okay whatever you say.”

 

“Oh c’mon Delphine I’m only playing, I know you'd kick his ass. Plus, between you and Mrs.S how could I not love English? I would love to be an English teacher if I wasn't already committed to the sciences.”

 

“Really? It’s funny you should say that, Cosima… what are you doing next weekend?”

 

“Why planning on running into me again with your non-existent date?”

 

 _So goddamn cheeky_ , “non Cosima, Siobhan- Mrs.S volunteered me to teach some kids English down at this youth centre. I mean if you want… if you could… I would like you to help me if you’re not busy.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Oui. Its volunteer work so obviously you wouldn't be getting paid or anything but I’m teaching poetry- really basic poetry- but I think that they would learn better from someone like you?”

 

“Someone like me? You mean a kid?”

 

“Non, non, someone who is charismatic and approachable.”

 

“And you’re not charismatic and approachable?”

 

“Well no… I mean maybe… I just think that you would make an excellent teacher and I think that they would really be able to learn from you.”

 

Cosima smiled and blushed, which wasn't lost on Delphine, “Okay I’ll do it.”

 

Delphine returned the brunettes grin, “Are you sure? If you’re busy with school work or anything else you don't have to I’ll understand.”

 

“No, I would love to seriously! Thank you.” Cosima playfully nudged Delphine’s shoulder. 

 

“No thank you for agreeing to help me- oh and I’ll include it as extra credit of course.”

 

“Even better, but seriously all you had to do was ask- I would have done it without it.”

 

“Well great then it's sorted, I’ll give you the details on Monday.”

 

“Yep you bet I'll be there, first period English with my favourite teacher.”

 

Delphine cleared her throat, “Favourite teacher? I am so going to tell Dr. Nealon you said that.”

 

Cosima’s eyes went wide as she beamed a smile at Delphine, “Shit! You'll break his frail old heart.”

 

“Well okay, we wouldn't want that. I guess it can be our little secret.”

 

“Mhm mistresses always are.”

 

“Wait are you calling me your mistress?”

 

“Indeed I am.”

 

“Tu petite merde.”

 

Cosima chuckled and stopped outside a house, it was dark inside, it looked almost unkempt, an overgrown front lawn with paint peeling from the outside, “well this is me- see you Monday.”

 

Delphine smiled at the brunette, “oui, bonne nuit Cosima.”

 

Cosima strained her calves to hug the taller woman, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and squeezed her gently before retreating, “bonne nuit Delphine.”

 

And just like that Cosima was gone and Delphine began the long and confusing journey to try and find her house- but nevertheless she smiled the whole way home. 


	4. Where's My Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAG97kBUr4E
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos- they are honestly what keep me going <3
> 
> Sorry this chapter is way longer than I planned and got intense real quick- but hey who has the patience for slow burners? ;)

_“First period English with my favourite teacher.”_

 

As Delphine sat in her classroom awaiting her 12th grade English class she couldn't help but recall Cosima’s words from their impromptu meeting at the theatre. She knew, of course, that she couldn't be everyone's favourite teacher, but she was Cosima’s, she had at least one brilliant student who she knew would actually learn from her, one student who she could actually help. 

 

The door swung open, causing Delphine to jump in her seat. She snapped her head towards the door to see her new favourite student prance over to her seat.

 

Cosima giggled as she took out her books, “whoa sorry Miss C, didn't mean to scare you.”

 

“Non, Cosima its fine, I was daydreaming.”

 

“Oh yeah? About what?”

 

 _You,_ “about what we’re going to do this lesson.”

 

Cosima raised an eyebrow at Delphine, “Ohhhh okay mhm sure whatever you say.” Delphine blushed as she addressed her class and began her lesson.

 

The lesson passed quickly, luckily Paul hadn't shown up to the class which meant that all of the students, even Paul friends, were engaged and participating in the class debates. 

 

Discussions of poetry flowed freely with each student talking about their favourite poem, discussions even went as far to instigate an improvised rap battle between Cal and the rest of the ‘cool kids’ and Scott and ‘the nerds’ with the rest of the class deciding upon the winner. Naturally, it was Cal, although Scott’s rap about _rune wars_ was a fairly close second in Delphine's opinion.

 

The classroom was filled with laughter, a constant hum of enjoyment filtered throughout the classroom. So much so that when the bell rang Delphine was touched to hear a chorus of ‘awws’ echo throughout the room. 

 

As the rest of the class left Delphine’s classroom Cosima approached the desk where Delphine was packing up her folders.

 

“Hey Miss C that was awesome!”

 

Delphine looked up to see Cosima flashing her a toothy bright grin, one that she never saw her give to anyone else, “merci Cosima, although, I have to say I didn't do much that was all you guys.”

 

“Oh c’mon don't be modest! We've never had an English lesson like that before. Didn't you hear everyone?”

 

Delphine quirked an eyebrow, “didn't I hear everyone what?”

 

“They were all saying how cool you are.”

 

Delphine felt herself involuntarily smile like a child, “wait, really?”

 

“I swear on ‘On Origin of The Species’, my Bible, that everyone loves you!”

 

“Well, I’m relieved to hear you say that, I was scared everyone would hate me.”

 

“Why? You’re Delphine freaking Cormier”

 

Delphine chuckled as Cosima joined her laughter, “Ha! Well, I don't know, I guess it's always scary meeting new people, especially when you have to teach them.”

 

“Yeah I guess I understand that. Speaking of which, are we still doing this volunteer work this weekend?”

 

Delphine looked up nervously at Cosima, “do you still want to?”

 

“Yeah! Totally, I’ve been thinking about it all weekend.”

 

Delphine pulled a post it pad out of her drawer and wrote down the details for Cosima, “well then great, I’ll meet you outside there at 10am okay?”

 

“You got it, see ya later!”

 

“Oui au revoir Cosima.”

 

“Au revoir” and just like that Cosima had quite literally skipped out of Delphine's classroom leaving the blonde laughing and shaking her head.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

**** Saturday

 

 _10:05 damn it Cosima where are you?_ Delphine was standing outside the youth centre waiting for Cosima.

 

“I'm sooooo sorry Delphine! There was a power cut in the night and my alarm didn't go off!” Cosima called as she ran down the street panting and trying to catch her breath.

 

Delphine laughed at the brunette hunched over, hands on her knees trying to slow her breathing, “a power cut? That's your excuse?”

 

Cosima stood up and looked straight at Delphine, “hey I wouldn't lie to you, it’s the truth I promise.”

 

“Mhm okay let's assume I believe you, come on let's go were already late.”

 

“Well, technically I’m late- don't worry I’ll take the heat from the organisers if they want to get all pissy about it.”

 

 _Always defending me,_ “thank you for the offer but I’m not going to throw you under the bus, we can take the heat together oui?”

 

Cosima turned to Delphine and smiled, “Oui.”

 

The pair walked into the youth centre side by side. They paused and looked at one another as if to mentally brace themselves to enter what they've signed up to. The pair walk through the door into a bright, open concept hall. There are lots of toys and tables set up around the room with children, no older than 5, playing happily on them. 

 

As soon as the kids notice Delphine and Cosima they all leapt up from their chairs and ran over to envelop the pair in a huge group hug. 

 

Cosima stumbles back as a huge grin forms on her face, “whoa hey there kiddos how are we all doing?”

 

The children all scream responses at the women and Delphine can't help but smile as she feels pairs of tiny hands wrap around her waist and legs and squeeze her, making her feel in essence loved. Delphine looks over to Cosima and recognises the same feeling. 

 

“Hey kids ease up, we don't want to scare our guests away,” called a tall mature woman approaching the huddle.

 

“Mrs D! Long time no see.” Cosima called out as she knelt down to give all of the children individual hugs. 

 

_How does Cosima know Susan Duncan?_

 

Delphine reluctantly managed to escape the clasps of the children and walked over to greet her saviour. 

 

“Hello, I’m Delphine and this is one of my poetry students, Cosima, you must be Mrs Duncan.”

 

“Yes, just Susan though please, its a pleasure to finally speak with you face to face. Siobhan and I have been trying to set this up for a very long time and when you arrived she thought you would be the perfect person to help us.” 

 

“Well I am flattered, I’m really looking forward to teaching all of the children and I know Cosima is too.”

 

“Yes well Cosima always has been a people person, and she's so good with the children too, they idolise her.”

 

Delphine felt her brow knit together, “I’m sorry? I… I didn't realise you two knew each other.”

 

“Oh yes Cosima and I go way back, I’ve known her since she was only 6. She still pops into see us now and then but she's busier nowadays with school work but we understand we’re very proud of her considering.”

 

“Im sorry considering what?”

 

Cosima wrapped her arms around from behind Susan and gave her a big squeeze, “I’ve missed you guys! How have you been?”

 

“We’ve been good my little one- we’ve missed you too. I was actually just telling Delphine that we knew each other.”

 

“Mhm yeah Susan and I go way-way back. Anyway, shall we begin? I know the kiddies really want to learn about some poetry. Although Gemma, Charlotte and Kira just told me that they only want to learn poetry because they want a chance to stroke Delphine's hair.”

 

With a chuckle, Delphine followed Cosima over to the soft play area to begin the lesson.

 

The lesson was filled with laughter and intrigue. Delphine and Cosima we like a super team, each picking up where the other left off, the lesson flowed perfectly and the children were in awe of all that they had to offer. Neither Delphine nor Cosima had laughed so much in a long time, the children were so eager to learn and explore- they were fearless and in truth, between them, they produced some pretty great poems. 

 

Their poetry lesson drew to a close and without even considering her words Delphine promised that her and Cosima would be back next week to teach them more. 

 

One by one each child was picked up by the parents and taken home. Although talking to Susan about plans to return, Delphine couldn't help but notice the way Cosima was staring at the door watching each child leave, as though she was waiting for something. 

 

Delphine finished up her conversation with Susan and headed over towards Cosima. They picked up their bags and began their journey home towards Cosima's house.

 

Delphine looked down at the brunette, “Cosima, you were great with them.”

 

Sensing that Delphine was staring at her, Cosima forced herself out of her daydream, “hm I'm sorry what? I was a million miles away.”

 

“I was just saying the children really loved you.”

 

“Yeah they're great kids, I’ve known some of them for years. Its crazy how big they've gotten.”

 

Delphine giggled, “Mhm that's what happens to children you know? They tend to grow up.”

 

Cosima playfully punched Delphine bicep, “Oh ha ha Delphine very funny. But seriously they loved you too. I don't think I've ever seen them so actively participate in any activity before, especially to the point where they sat in their teachers lap stroking their hair.”

 

Delphine smiled as she thought back to when Charlotte positioned herself in her lap and began stroking her unruly golden locks, “I know I shouldn't have let her but how could I say no to Charlotte when she was looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.”

 

Cosima held her hands up, “hey, I’m not knocking it, the kid has game, she knows how to get what she wants. To be honest, that's the reason I agreed to help you out- because of your ridiculously cute puppy dog eyes.”

 

Delphine gasped in fake upset, “I did not give you puppy dog eyes!”

 

Cosima stopped walking and stoked Delphine arm, “Del, I hate to break it to you, but you're kind of doing it now.”

 

Delphine rolled her eyes and continued walking, “merde okay fine- but it's not a conscious decision.”

 

Cosima stuck her tongue out behind her teeth, “so you're just naturally adorable?”

 

“Oui aren't all puppies naturally adorable.”

 

“Yeah yeah point taken.”

 

The pair walked further towards Cosima’s house, shoulders occasionally bumping in the heavy breeze. 

 

Delphine looked over to Cosima who appeared to have something on her mind, “Cosima…Why didn't you tell me that you knew Susan and everyone else there?”

 

Cosima looked up at Delphine, “honestly?”

 

“Yes, this morning you told me that you wouldn't lie to me.”

 

Cosima let out a small giggle, “that was about a power cut Delphine.”

 

“Nevertheless a promise is a promise. I mean… you don't have to, I don't want to pressure you into telling me anything unless you want to.”

 

“I mean it's not something I want to tell you. It's not something I want to tell anyone. But you're right, I did promise you I wouldn't lie so the truth is, I didn't tell you that I knew her or this place because the reason I know them is well...it’s an ugly story.”

 

“In what way?” Delphine asked softly, not to pry, merely to understand.

 

“I… I had, have, pretty shitty parents. So I used to go to that youth centre, a lot, just so someone could look after me and stuff. I was practically raised in that centre by Susan.”

 

Delphine asked gently, “What?”

 

“Okay well...My parents, they're never around much. Not in an I ‘only see them an hour a day way’, more like they're drug addicts who are either in prison, on the run, missing or passed out somewhere. As a kid, they used to leave me in the house alone for days with $15 to last me until they felt like coming home. I was barely old enough to dress myself, or cook for myself yet but they still left me alone for days with their creepy friends coming to check in on me whenever they remembered... So one day when I was trying to buy some toothpaste with the 2 cents I had left I saw some kids walking into the youth centre from across the street. I don't know why but something made me follow them and that's when I learnt about the club and about Susan. It’s where I found my family and someone to take care of me… No one knew about my parents, I didn't tell Susan until like 2 years ago because I knew that in all likelihood she would probably kill them. So I swore her to secrecy because I’m okay now. I am really. I grew up quicker than most children, I could cook for myself and clean the house and all of that stuff by the time I was 7. I was good at faking excuses for my absent parents at parents evenings and father daughter dances and graduations ceremonies. I think that's why I’m so driven, because I don't want to end up like them, I mean I'm their only child, and I know they regret having me but still I haven't seen them in 4 months, what kind of parents can abandon their kid so easily?... That's why I was late this morning, it was a power cut honestly but the power cut out because they haven't paid the bills so I have to go to my landlord and deal with that now. But yeah like I said I’m okay now, this is just my life, it's what I'm used to.”

 

Delphine looked over to Cosima who was failing to hold back her tears. Delphine pulled the brunette into a tight embrace and leant her head against the smaller woman's dreadlocks, Delphine whispered, “Cosima I’m so sorry I had no idea.”

 

Cosima sniffled against the taller woman's chest, “Why would you? Nobody does. I… I just want to feel important to someone Delphine,” Delphine felt herself involuntarily squeeze Cosima tighter.

 

“You…I understand what you mean.”

 

Cosima slowly pulled back, still holding onto Delphine's waist afraid to lose contact fully, she gazed at Delphine with her tear stained eyes, “you can't tell anyone though okay, promise me?”

 

Delphine dropped her head, “Cosima…”

 

“Delphine, I’m 18 in a few months. If you tell someone I’ll go into care and I can't handle that when I’m so close to being free from everything. Please, Delphine. I can't deal with all of that stress now, not when it's so close to finals.”

 

Delphine exhaled slowly, she knew this was the wrong decision, but Cosima was right, she would most likely fail her exams with all of this going on at the same time. She has such a bright future ahead of her, she can't waste it. “Okay, I promise... give me your phone.”

 

Cosima handed Delphine her phone with an apprehensive glint in her eye.

 

“I’m putting my number in your phone, if you need anything you call me okay?”

 

“You don't have to do that.”

 

“Cosima, I mean it. Don't be stubborn. If you won't let me tell anyone then you're going to let me help you. If you need a place with electricity or a ride somewhere or if you want diner, _anything_ , promise you will call me d’accord?”

 

“Wait, are you offering to cook me dinner?” Cosima smirked.

 

Delphine giggled, “non… I mean…I'm offering you help if you need it.”

 

Cosima looked at the pavement, “Thank you, Delphine but I’ve managed the first 17 years of my life alone, what's another few months?”

 

Delphine sighed, “don't do that Cosima.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Don't shut me out because you're scared of being vulnerable. I understand-“

 

Cosima looked up to Delphine and snapped, “-you understand what Delphine? Because from what I’ve heard about you around school you had a pretty cosy upbringing with rich parents and loads of friends- Alison even stalked your Facebook and it looks like you have a pretty hot, successful boyfriend to go home to.”

 

Delphine matched Cosima's gaze and raised her eyebrows, “What do you mean what you've heard about me? What's that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Oh c’mon a young, sexy french teacher arrives at a shitty high school and you expect people not to go looking into your business.”

 

“Non I expect that from everyone else, but not from you Cosima.”

 

Cosima tugged on Delphine's arm so they were facing one another, “I… I’m sorry you're right. I didn't mean to be such an asshole. I don't even care what people say about you or your private life because I know that unless I hear it from you then it's probably bullshit.”

 

“Thank you. And you're right everything you heard was bullshit.”

 

Cosima gasped, “Miss Cormier! Who knew you had such a foul mouth!”

 

Delphine felt her frown break into a grin, “mon dieu Cosima I’m 23 not 10.”

 

“I'm only messing- but seriously… I … I really appreciate everything you've done for me. You've done more for me in 2 weeks than my parents have in 17 years.”

 

“Well it's their loss Cosima, you are remarkable and one day when you're a famous scientist they will realise what fools they were.”

 

“Yep, that's my goal.”

 

The pair arrived at Cosima's house, the outward appearance made all too much sense now.

 

“Well this is me.”

 

“Oui, I’ll see you Monday.”

 

“You betcha!”

 

“And I meant what I said, use that goddamn number if you need me okay.”

 

“Yes, I know! I’ll be a burden if you want me to.”

 

“You're not a burden Cosima, ever, okay?”

 

“Okay, whatever you say. Have a nice night Delphine. See you Monday.”

 

“Oui, au revoir Cosima.” Delphine gave Cosima a quick hug before she set off home.

 

Delphine eventually made her way home, finding it a lot easier to navigate to when there's still a slither of daylight left.

 

Once she arrived home she spent her evening reading and on occasion watching Canadian TV, which in all honesty wasn't her favourite. 

 

Delphine finally headed up to bed and as she tried to fall asleep her mind couldn't help but fixate over Cosima. 

 

_She doesn't deserve this. She is so caring and considerate, she deserves to have everything- including someone there to tell her that they love her and are proud of her. Merde Delphine! You need to stop getting involved in her life, your job is to teach her not… well, not anything else._

 

Delphine didn't know why she was so drawn to the little brunette. Until she did. Cosima was everything that Marc and her family weren’t. She defends Delphine and has common interests with her- Cosima motivates her and compliments her and makes her jaw ache from laughing so much. Cosima is everything she was missing from her life in Paris- she was hope and reassurance. 

 

With a warm feeling nestling in her chest, Delphine let herself begin to drift off into a gentle slumber when she was awoken by the sound of her phone. Normally Delphine would ignore it, but knowing that it could be Cosima in trouble, she reached for her phone immediately. 

 

She opened the message and noticed it was indeed from Cosima, it read:

 

**Hey Delphine, I’m sorry, I know it's late but I kind of can't stop thinking about today and I’m hoping that you’re asleep and won't read this until tomorrow. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again. I know that sometimes when you thank someone it can appear automatic and disingenuous which was far from what I meant.  I really, really am so happy that I met you. And I know that you have to be careful with boundaries or whatever but I hope that outside of school we can be friends because I care about you Delphine and I know you care about me too. Night, or morning, depending on when you’re reading this ;)**

 

Delphine's heart sank and she felt her heartbeat quicken. _Yes it would be a huge overstepping of boundaries to be friends with your students but if it doesn't impact upon your teaching than what should it matter? Cosima needs someone and who better to be there for her than someone who she trusts- me. You know your limits, you know that you can make this work._

 

Delphine replied to Cosimas message: 

 

**Oui Cosima I would like to be friends, so long as you understand that when we're in school we are not- in school, I am Miss Cormier, no informality. But you were right when you said that I care about you. Earlier when you told me that you just want to feel important to someone, well, now you know that you are. Bonne nuit, mon ami.**

 

And with the message sent Delphine let herself fall back into her sleep.


	5. Parachute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AWoZmAxKxg
> 
> Your kudos and comments honestly mean the world to me- thank you for your continued support <3

** NOVEMBER **

 

Delphine's first 3 months in Toronto had been nothing short of extraordinary. 

 

Delphine loved what she did. She got a thrill from imparting her wisdom to others. Her 12th grade English class had been so eager to learn and participate in her lessons, she was truly touched that they admired her so much, in fact, Cosima was right, the entire class barring, Paul, loved her. Her class always looked forward to her lessons, Delphine made them fun and engaging, she did not patronise she merely encouraged. 

 

Delphine had even made a few new friends in Toronto, her fellow teachers and their other halves would frequently invite Delphine out for drinks and meals. She often went out with Siobhan and other teachers from the English department, they were everything that Delphine wished for in friends, they were supportive and interested in her hobbies and opinions, not like her friends in France who only sought to snub the blonde, gossip about her and ridicule her choices. Of course, however, Delphine was only human after all and could not help but favour one friend above all of the others, _Cosima_. 

 

Cosima and Delphine spoke every day on the phone, sometimes their conversations would last for hours, and on rare but beautiful occasions they would fall asleep with the other talking in their ear. The pair frequently went out on the weekends with Cosima taking Delphine to all the “hip”, as Cosima called it, places in Toronto. Cosima showed Delphine all of the tourist attractions that Toronto had to offer as well as a few hidden gems that Cosima said she only showed a few special people. Both women kept their promise and returned to the youth centre every Saturday morning to teach the kids more poetry. Delphine never felt more at ease than when she was with Cosima teaching the children the wonders of literature. And now that Delphine knew about Cosima’s past, she was more equipped to help her, often dropping over groceries for the brunette and cooking her dinner, despite Cosima’s instance that Delphine didn't have to and Delphine instance that that is exactly why she wanted to.

 

And true to her word, Cosima respected Delphine's boundaries, there was no informality in her classroom, Cosima was her usual brilliant studious self, Delphine however nearly slipped up a few times finding it hard to distinguish between her student and her friend. But nonetheless, they managed, Cosima was thriving in her class, producing work that Delphine would have expected from a college student, or even possibly a PhD student.

 

Yes, everything was perfect. Delphine was happy. For the first time since she was a child, she was genuinely happy and she woke up each morning excited to go to work, excited to see her friends and on the weekends, excited to volunteer and explore the city with Cosima. 

 

But Delphine was none more excited than she was today. Today she and Siobhan were taking their 12th grade English class to England for the weekend to learn more about some of their incredible writers, including the God that was Shakespeare himself. 

 

It was Friday afternoon and Delphine was just walking back to her office to collect her things. Her English class would all be meeting at the airport in a matter of hours and in all honesty Delphine was ecstatic. She was just about to head home and pick up her suitcase before heading to the airport when she saw Cosima standing outside of her office. 

 

Delphine smiled widely at the brunette, “bonjour Cosima.”

 

“Hey Miss C.” Cosima replied, her voice low and deflated, she began crying softly. 

 

Delphine rubbed her arm and guided her into her office, “Hey it’s okay, come on.” 

 

Cosima sat in Delphine office chair and Delphine knelt in front of her, “Cosima what's wrong, what's happened?”

 

“Nothing Delphine, I’m fine honest, just tired.”

 

“Cosima, we don't do this, we don't lie to each other remember? What's really wrong?” 

 

Cosima stayed silent and sniffled.

 

Delphine's mind wondered what could be upsetting her friend and all too quickly and protectively asked, “Is it your parents, have they done something to you? Cosima, did they hurt you?”

 

Cosima leant down and stroked Delphine's arms, “No no no no Delphine no. Nothing like that I’m fine. I mean… well it is my parents and they did hurt me, they always end up hurting me, but not in the way you think, not physically.”

 

Delphine felt an anger settle beneath her skin, “Cosima what happened?”

 

Fresh tears fell from Cosima’s eyes, “I eh… I can't come on the trip - they stole the money I’ve been saving to pay for it.”

 

“They what?!” Delphine screamed.

 

Delphine stood up and began pacing around her office, she needed to keep her mind focused so she wouldn't do something that she regretted.

 

 _Non, fuck it, they hurt her,_ Delphine grabbed her coat and bag, “I’ll deal with them Cosima.”

 

Cosima leapt up from the chair and stood in front of the door, “no Delphine don’t!”

 

“I’m not going to let them treat you like this Cosima!”

 

“Please, don’t”, Cosima whispered in a voice that was nothing but pure vulnerability. She began to shake as she started crying again.

 

“Okay, it’s okay.” Delphine dropped her bag and enveloped the little brunette in a tight hug. 

 

Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine's mid back, “I only came to tell you that I’m not coming, I didn't want you to be waiting for me when I didn't show up.”

 

“Non, you’re going Cosima.”

 

Cosima pulled back from the hug to wipe away her tears, “no Delphine I’m not. They took everything. All the money I’ve been saving from work, they took it all and left again. They didn't even ask me how I was, they didn't ask me if I was okay or if I needed anything. They strolled in, went to my bedroom, took the money and left.” 

 

Delphine wiped away her friend's tears with the pads of her fingers, “I'm paying for you.”

 

“No Delphine you're not.” Cosima deadpanned. 

 

“I will not argue with you about this Cosima, d’accord?”

 

“Neither will I Delphine, you're not paying for me to fly to England for the weekend.”

 

“Cosima, I have the means to pay for you so let me, please. I don't want to go on this trip without my friend there next to me.”

 

“And I don't want my friend to spend money on me because of my asshole parents.”

 

“Oui, they are assholes, and if you really insist on being a stubborn brat about it then consider it a loan. You can give me like 2% of your paycheck every month until the loan is repaid.”

 

Cosima felt her head drop, “Delphine that’s going to take years.”

 

“Exactly, I fully intend to still be in your life in a few years time Cosima, so there's no problem. Just say yes.”

 

Cosima looked up at Delphine and saw her smiling sadly at her, she knew that there is nothing she can say to convince her otherwise, Cosima mounted the blonde and squeezed her so tight that she coughed, Cosima pulled back and gazed into Delphine’s eyes, “Okay, yes. But I’m serious Del, this is a loan. I fully intend to pay you back every penny. I’m not a charity case.”

 

“Cosima, I’ve never considered you a charity case, I just care okay?”

 

Cosima smiled warmly, “Okay… holy shit we’re going to England!”

 

“Oui, mon ami, we are, now let's go before we miss the plane.”

 

Delphine laughed and picked up her bag, pulling Cosima out of her office with her. 

 

_______________________

 

Delphine stopped by her place to pick up her suitcase whilst Cosima waited in the car. 

 

Afterwards, Delphine made her way to Cosima’s house to pick up her luggage on the way to the airport. Delphine turned onto Cosima’s street.

 

“Shit!” Cosima exclaimed.

 

“Quoi?”

 

And then Delphine saw them, a man and a woman banging furiously on Cosima’s door- _these must be the assholes._

 

The man and woman were screaming Cosima’s name and ordering her to let them in. 

 

“Cosima you little bitch let us in!” the man shouted. 

 

“Cosima! For fuck sake stop sulking. Grow up and let us in.” The woman followed.

 

Delphine stopped the car abruptly outside Cosima’s house and turned to the brunette sharply.

 

“Cosima you stay in the car do you understand me?” Delphine was seething. 

 

“Del-“

 

“Cosima! Do not get out of this car. Give me your key I will get your bag. Okay?” Delphine was trying her best to remain calm, and failing terribly. 

 

Cosima’s face drained of all colour, she simply nodded. Delphine placed her hand over Cosima’s and squeezed it gently. She took her iPod out of her hand luggage, brushed Cosima's dreadlocks behind her ears and placed the earbuds in Cosima’s ears and put on her favourite French playlist, she gestured that she would be 2 minutes with a reassuring and caring smile. Cosima pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her lap. 

 

Once her back was turned to her car Delphine's face was laced with anger. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her brow knitted together, her teeth clenched and her lips pursed. She marched up to Cosima’s front door.

 

“Mr and Mrs Niehaus I presume?” Delphine said with a look that could kill, and quite frankly she had hoped that it would.

 

“Who the fuck are you?” Mr Niehaus barked, clearly intoxicated, or high, or both. 

 

“I’m Cosima’s friend. I’m here to pick something up for her.”

 

Mrs Niehaus giggled and slung her arm around her husband's waist, intoxicated also, “Ha, friend? Cosima doesn't have any friends, she's just a geeky loser- hell she's the type that we used to bully in school right babe?” 

 

Mr Niehaus leant down and placed an open mouth kiss to his wife's lips, “you’re damn right we did.”

 

 _Breathe Delphine. Not in front of Cosima._ “ _Used_ to bully?”

 

Mr Neihaus raised his voice, “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

Delphine took a calm step towards the couple and stared at the man straight in the eyes, “well, Mr Neihaus, excuse the lack of pleasantries, but it means that if you spent less time high then maybe you wouldn't be such a useless piece of shit. And maybe you wouldn't have to bully your 17-year-old daughter to compensate for your weak, disgusting personality. Maybe if you got sober for more than a few minutes you wouldn't be such a fucking asshole.”

 

Mr Niehaus grabbed Delphine's jaw, “You better watch what your pretty little mouth otherwise I’ll-“

 

Delphine pushed his hands away and squared up to the man, “-You’ll what? Hit me? Call the police? I’d like to see you try either. Because you see Mr Neihaus the only reason that I haven't reported you for child neglect is because of the sweet innocent girl crying in my car. She's the same reason that I haven't punched that smug smirk off of your face already.”

 

Mrs Neihaus took a step towards Delphine and Delphine stepped towards her in return, “who do you think you are? This is our house, Cosima is our kid you can't speak to us like that you bitch!”

 

“Non, Mrs Neihaus, Cosima is not your kid. She was raised by a wonderful woman in a youth centre because you and your deadbeat husband abandoned her.”

 

“She was fine!”

 

“And how the fuck would you know that?! She was a child! She needed love and support and someone to care for her and tell her that they're proud of her and she didn't have that! She had to raise herself because you two were stupid enough to leave the best thing that would have happened to you both if you just gave her a chance. She is the most funny and caring and intelligent person I have ever met- and none of that is down to your parenting! She's all of those things in spite of you because she's so terrified to end up like the disgraces that you two are!”

 

Mr Niehaus grabbed Delphine's arm and spun her round to face him, "the little bitch been telling tales now has she?"

 

"Non she hasnt! She's terrified to tell anyone because she doesn't want to appear weak! She's so scared to ask someone for help because she's scared that they'll reject her and leave her just like her parents did."

 

Mrs Niehaus let a tear escape her eye as she pulled on her husbands arm, “c’mon babe lets just go. We can stay with Jax tonight.”

 

The pair began to leave and Delphine looked at both of them and said through gritted teeth, “Cosima is 18 in a few months and I don't want to see you anywhere near her until she is an adult. And believe me when I say that this was me being tame- if either of you hurt her again, in any regard, I will not hold my composure so well. I will call the police and tell them about the neglect, the drugs, the stolen money- I will destroy you, understood?”

 

The pair nodded their heads and left. 

 

Delphine went into the house and retrieved Cosima’s suitcase and rucksack that was sitting on her bed. She loaded them into the trunk of her car and joined Cosima once again.

 

Cosima was still hidden beneath her lap, oblivious to her surroundings. Delphine placed a gentle hand on Cosima’s knee and the brunette jumped back immediately pulling the earbuds out of her ear. 

 

“Je suis désolé Cosima I didn't mean to scare you.”

 

Cosima reached over the console that separated them and pulled Delphine into a tight hug, “are you okay?”

 

Delphine nodded still wrapped up in Cosima’s arms, “oui Cosima I’m okay, how are you feeling?”

 

“I’m better now, your music really calmed me down.”

 

“Well bon. Let’s go then. England awaits.”

 

The pair drove to the airport singing the French songs from Delphine's iPod that Cosima tried impossibly hard to sing along to. The journey was filled with jokes and anecdotes of childhood stories, Cosima was beginning to heal from her earlier heartbreak and that was all thanks to her best friend sitting next to her. 

 

When they arrived at the airport they were all greeted by the rest of the class standing in a group at the check in desk. Siobhan greeted Delphine with a warm hug and when Delphine turned back to find Cosima to buy her ticket she saw Paul pull Cosima towards him and stick his tongue down her throat. Delphine dropped her head and walked over to the ticket desk herself, not wanting to be anywhere near the pair when they're being intimate with one another. It was so easy to forget that Cosima had a boyfriend, the only time she spent with her was when they were alone, even in class Cosima very rarely sat with Paul. Although now she realised that there would be no avoiding it on this trip, she would have to spend the whole weekend watching them kiss and hold one another and God knows what else back in the hotel room. Delphine almost forgot that Cosima had someone else to take care her- someone that wasn't her. 

 

When it came time to check in Delphine approached Cosima and Paul, she hated the way Paul grabbed Cosima, he handled her like she was something to be possessed instead of cherished, nonetheless, she handed Cosima her ticket with nothing but a warm smile. And went to join the back of the queue before the brunette had a chance to say anything. 

 

Neither Delphine nor Cosima said another word to each other until they boarded the plane. 

 

Delphine took her seat on the plane by the window, she thanked the Gods that her and Siobhan had payed a little bit extra money to sit with one another at the back of the plane, away from all of her excitable students. 

 

Delphine had her earphones in, reading a book when she felt Siobhan take her seat next to her. What Delphine didn't expect was the rather hard pinch that Siobhan gave her on her arm. 

 

Delphine ripped her earphones out of her ear with an “ouch!” and looked at the woman next to her.

 

Cosima smiled back at Delphine with a playful glint in her eye.

 

“Cosima what are you doing here, this is Siobhan’s seat?”

 

“Yeah well, I may have told her that I have a migraine and that I needed to sit somewhere quiet.”

 

Delphine raised an eyebrow at the brunette, “ah I see, and how is your migraine now?”

 

Cosima rubbed her temples, “you know what Delphine? Suddenly it doesn't hurt so much anymore.”

 

Delphine chuckled. 

 

“I just wanted to sit next to my best friend on the way to our adventure in England is that so wrong of me?”

 

“Non Cosima, I would very much like the same thing.”

 

“Good! Plus Paul was being an asshole and I didn't feel like sitting next to him the whole flight.”

 

Delphine opened her book again and began to read, “mhm okay.”

 

“Whoa, what's that supposed to mean?”

 

Delphine turned and looked at Cosima, “What?  I said okay?”

 

“Yeah its the way you said it.”

 

“Please, Cosima I don't want to argue with you.”

 

“Why would we argue?”

 

“Becuase you're asking me what I mean by ‘mhm’.”

 

“Okay then tell me what you meant and we won't have to argue.”

 

“I just… its not my place Cosima.”

 

“Not your place as my teacher or my friend?”

 

“Cosima.”

 

“Just tell me, Delphine.”

 

“Okay, I think you can do better. I think you _deserve_ someone so much better.”

 

Delphine bit her lip and prepared for an ugly argument. 

 

“Yeah I know.”

 

Delphine raised her eyebrows, “quoi?”

 

“We’re not exactly dating Delphine we just you know… hook up every now and then. He wants it to be something more but I don't which is why I would rather not be sat next to him without the luxury of walking away during this flight.”

 

“So… you're not his girlfriend?”

 

“No. I mean thats the labels we use because society just loves to codify our behaviour, but no we’re not exclusive.”

 

“Ah okay I see.”

 

Cosima smirked, “Why? Were you jealous?”

 

 _Maybe, was I?_ “Non Cosima, merely concerned.”

 

“Okay whatever you say Delphine. Now settle in because we have a long flight ahead of us and I expect to spend the entire flight with you.”

 

And Cosima kept her word. The first half of the flight the pair played poker, _not_ strip poker as Cosima had so innocently suggested, with a pack of cards Cosima bought and some aeroplane peanuts, Delphine won naturally, Cosima's poker face was weak, to say the least. Then they listened to each other's favourite music each taking it in turns to play each other one of their most beloved songs. Next, they decided to order some snacks and watch Cosima's favourite film together on her laptop, of course, it was Star Wars but after the day the brunette had experienced, Delphine was determined to do whatever she could to make her happy. Then after hours of meaningless discussions that still meant so much to both women, they settled down to sleep. 

 

With the rest of the group safely out of sight and the cabin lights turned off, Cosima pulled up the arm rest that separated her and Delphine. Cosima moved towards Delphine and rested her head against the blonde's chest wrapping her arm around Delphine's stomach, she could hear Delphine's heart beat ridiculously fast. Delphine wrapped both of her arms around Cosima, giving her a gentle squeeze as she rested her head against her friend's dreadlocks. It was the most dangerous yet comforting embrace that either woman had ever had. In the cover of darkness, they could be friends and not have to worry about the issues of boundaries. 

 

With both of their eyes closed, as they were falling asleep Cosima whispered, "Delphine are you still awake?"

 

"Oui Cosima I'm awake."

 

"I...I know that one day you'll get bored of me and get bored of hearing me say this, but I just want to say thank you for today. For everything. For doing everything you could to include me in this trip and... what you did with my parents Delphine- no one has ever tried to protect me the way you did earlier. I don't know what you said to them but you made them leave, they were quite literally the monsters in my closet, the demons in my dreams, the noise that went bump in the night and _you_ made them leave. I will never be able to repay you for what you've done for me. You saved me Delphine and I love you for that. You're the greatest thing to happen to me and I'm so glad that I can call you my best friend. Night Delphine."

 

Delphine felt the tears stream down her cheek, _I know she meant it in a platonic sense but_   _she loves me. And I love her too, teacher or friend, platonic or romantic it doesn't matter love is love and I love her. She is my best friend and I love her very much._

 

"You don't have to thank me for anything Cosima, I care about you, I would do anything for you- destroy anyone who tried to hurt you. You don't have to worry about your parents anymore, I promise, they won't bother you again until you're at least 18. And I'm here for you always Cosima, I love you too and I hope that by now you know that."

 

"I do, I do, I trust you Delphine like I've never trusted anyone and it scares me."

 

"It's okay Cosima, I won't betray your trust, I could never hurt you."

 

And in that second Cosima knew, she knew that Delphine was telling the truth, she trusted Delphine implicitly not to hurt her. "I know Delphine, I know."

 

And with both of them feeling like a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders they finally fell asleep wrapped up with one another. 

 

___________________________________________________

 

Delphine awoke to the sound of chuckling. She slowly opened her eyes to see Cosima beaming brightly at her. She looked down to see that Cosima had been throwing tic tacs at her, and judging by the volume of tic tacs on her, she had been doing so for the best part of an hour. She reached out to punch her arm playfully, almost forgetting where she was. 

 

"You're such a brat!" Delphine giggled sleepily sitting upright and brushing the tic tacs off of her chest.

 

"I know I am, je suis desole, but I had to wake you up!"

 

"What why?"

 

Cosima smiled widley at the blonde as she leaned across Delphine to raise the shutter revealing the plane on solid ground at Heathrow airport, "because we're in fucking England Delphine!"


	6. Don't Forget About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments and encouragement- they're what motivate me to write <3 
> 
> Chapter Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM1wb2hXLws
> 
> (P.S. I know the amount of chapters keeps decreasing, don't worry the whole original story is still here. It's just I've combined a few chapters as I would rather give you longer chapters so that the angst doesn't drag out forever like it did in my last fic.)

The group disembarked the plane and after a long wait to collect their luggage they boarded their coach and headed towards the hotel. 

 

After arriving at the hotel, the students were given an hour to unpack and settle in before they had to meet Delphine and Siobhan in the lobby for their day of 'fun' literary activities. 

 

When the group finally left, Delphine had never been so relieved to have Sarah Manning at her side. The local girl knew exactly how to get the group to their destination, which was a relief considering that originally Delphine tried to get the students to board a train to Scotland by mistake. Which of course, Cosima found hysterical and teased Delphine about every chance she got, calling her a ' _wee idiotic lass_ ' in a very poorly imitated Scotish accent. Although to be honest, Delphine was just relieved that Cosima was butchering someone else's accent for once that wasn't hers. 

 

Over the course of the weekend, the group had the chance to visit the Globe Theatre, The London Library and they even paid a visit to the West End to watch _The Woman In Black,_ as it was originally a novel. The students were filled with awe as much as could be expected with severe jet lag. Cosima even took it upon herself to be the group's tour guide, giving them all in depth talks about the history of the places and literacy they were discovering which everyone, except Delphine, found annoying, but Delphine found it incredibly adorable and most definitely very geeky in the best way possible. 

 

Finally on their final night in London, the group returned to the hotel and were given free time to do whatever they wanted, so long as it wasn't anti-social or illegal- Siobhan had to clarify several times that she wouldn't come to bail any of her students out of jail, which they all thought was a joke, but Delphine knew that the English woman was beyond serious.

 

It was 9pm, having passed up Siobhan’s offer to accompany her and Sarah and a few others to the "best restaurant in London", Delphine made her way to Cosima’s room. She wanted to spend some time with her best friend without of all the formality that they had to implement over the weekend. She wanted to take Cosima out and explore this beautiful city with her by her side. 

 

Finally, she arrived at the brunette's room and knocked gently with a huge grin on her face. However, Delphine's grin fell flat when Paul opened the door in tight boxer briefs… and nothing else. 

 

Paul smirked at Delphine in a way he knew would aggravate her, “Hey Miss Cormier, sorry Cosima is a little... indecent at the moment- can I take a message?”

 

Delphine could hear Cosima whispering curse, after curse in the background running around in her room, “Desole Paul, I didn't mean to…I’ll go.”

 

“Wait Miss C!” Cosima ran out into the corridor after Delphine in a short dressing gown, clearly naked underneath. 

 

Delphine turned around to face Cosima, biting the insides of her cheeks to suppress her tears, _why the fuck am I crying?_ “Oui Cosima, I…I’m sorry I didn't realise you were with Paul.”

 

Cosima's eyes went wide as her hands flew about, “No please don't apologise! Please. It wasn’t… he just showed up…I mean I didn't expect…nothing happened Delphine.”

 

Delphine nodded her head and turned to leave, “Mhm okay. I should go, I’ve got things to do.” 

 

Cosima stepped forward and spun the blonde around to face her, “Honestly Delphine, he wanted to but I said no. I got in the shower and expected him to leave and when I got out the next thing I knew he was talking to you in his boxers… I didn't have sex with Paul.”

 

“I know Cosima you said that already,” Delphine deadpanned.

 

“Please don't be pissed Delphine,” Cosima pleaded.

 

Delphine smiled falsely and Cosima could tell immediately, “non Cosima I’m fine.”

 

“Not that I believe you but okay… Anyway, what can I do for you?”

 

“Nothing I was just doing my rounds, checking who was still here and who had left.” 

 

“Is that really why you came?” Cosima asked hopefully.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh okay. Well... do you want to do something later? Maybe go and catch a movie and dinner or do some sight seeing?”

 

“Non thank you Cosima, I already have plans.” Delphine didn't really have any plans beyond going out with her best friend but the thought that Paul had been waiting for her practically naked made Delphine need to go out and grab a drink, or five.

 

“I thought Mrs S had already left.”

 

“She has.”

 

“Ooooookay so who are you going out with?” Cosima asked as she stepped towards the blonde.

 

“No one, I’m going out by myself.” _Why am I mad at Cosima she hasn't done anything wrong?_

 

“Del c’mon don’t be like this, please. I said nothing happened.”

 

“Cosima, who you sleep with is none of my business.”

 

“I didn't sleep with him! Why does he bother you so much anyway?” 

 

 

_Because he's not me!_

 

_…_

 

 

_Merde._

 

 

_I’m in love with her._

 

 

_I’m in love with Cosima._

 

 

_I'm mad at her because I'm in love with her... and I can't... I can't be with her._

 

 

_Fix this Delphine._

 

 

“…It’s not him Cosima, it's you.”

 

“Whats that supposed to mean?”

 

_Fix this. You need to put as much distance between you and her as possible._

 

“It means that each time you have sex with Paul you degrade yourself! You know you’re worth so much more than that and yet you sleep with him.”

 

“Wow, I didn't know that my English teacher is getting paid to criticise my sex life. After all the time we’ve spent together over the past few months you really should be getting paid overtime or I should at least be getting a shit tonne of extra credit. Because Miss Cormier, you’re my teacher, and what and who I do in my spare time has nothing to do with you!” 

 

_How did I let this get so out of hand? We can’t… I can’t. She's right. I’m her teacher… and I’m in love with her._

 

_This goes above and beyond overstepping boundaries._

 

“Is that really all I am to you Cosima? Your teacher?”

 

_Please say no._

 

“That's what you’re _supposed_ to be to me, Delphine!”

 

_She’s right. How did I lose myself so completely? I know what I have to do... and it's going to hurt more than anything I've ever had to do before..._

 

Delphine clenched her fists until her knuckles were white, willing herself to hold back her tears, _I have to do this_ , “...I’m not doing this with you Cosima. I knew that this wouldn't work. You just proved that teachers and students can't be friends because you can't distinguish between the two.”

 

“I can't distinguish between the two? Seriously? _You_ walked me home that night after the theatre, _you_ gave me your number, _you_ go out with me every weekend, _you_ talk to me every day on the phone, _you_ paid for my trip-“

 

“-And _you’re_ the one who told me that you loved me… merde... this is too hard Cosima. I promised myself that our friendship wouldn't impact upon my ability to teach you but it is starting to. This is over Cosima, this friendship has to stop now.”

 

Cosima rushed forward and pulled Delphine into a tight embrace, “No! Delphine please I’m sorry I didn't mean it! I can't lose you, you’re the only good thing I have. Please, don't leave me.”

 

Delphine pulled out of Cosima's tight hug and let a few stray tears fall from her eyes, “I need to be your teacher first Cosima, and in order for me to do that, I can't do this do you understand?”

 

“No Miss Cormier I don't understand. Why don't you explain it to me!” Cosima barked. She was vulnerable and hurt and terrified of losing Delphine so she did the only thing she knew how to do, she became defensive.

 

“Go back to Paul Cosima, I’m going to get ready.” Delphine countered back as she turned and began to walk away.

 

“Is this about Marc?”

 

Delphine snapped back around with a look Cosima had never seen before, _Anger? Annoyance? ... Hurt?_   “What?”

 

Cosima took a step towards the blonde and Delphine matched her gesture, “you heard me. Has this got something to do with your boyfriend back in France? Has he said something about the two of us hanging out or something?”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend Cosima! I told you not to listen to those rumours!”

 

“Then who the fuck is he Delphine? Because every time I bring him up you close up.”

 

“Because he's none of your business!”

 

“So it's okay for you to pry into my relationship with Paul but I can't do the same to you?”

 

“What do you expect me to do when you come bitching to me about him, huh Cosima?”

 

“I expect you to acknowledge my ‘bitching’ and offer some shred of information about you love life in return.”

 

“Why do you keep pushing me about him? Do you really want to know? He’s an abusive asshole who I nearly married! A man who my friends and family chose over me when we separated. A man who put me down every day until I was so weak and broken that I believed him when he told me that I was ugly and pathetic and a poor excuse for a teacher. When I said I understand what you meant about wanting to be important to someone Cosima, I meant it! Because I have no one! No family, no friends, no lover and I’m tired of feeling alone. I thought that I finally had someone who cared about me and who I could care about in return, I thought that I had you, but clearly not.”

 

Delphine let her tears fall freely and Cosima attempted to embrace her, “Shit Delphine I’m-”

 

Delphine took a large step back, putting as much space between them as possible, “-don’t Cosima. Delete my number from your phone, we’re done I mean it.”

 

“No don't please-“

 

But it was too late, Delphine had already started her journey back to her room. 

 

An hour later and many ignored calls, messages and knocks on her door from Cosima later, Delphine was finally ready. She was wearing high black stilettos, tight black leather trousers and a velvet blue corset which she had bought only a day before in Covent Garden Market. Her make up was immaculate with smouldering smokey eyes and a dark red lipstick which framed her lips beautifully. She was out to impress and did she ever. 

 

When Delphine was making her way out of the hotel, she didn't realise a group of her students were sitting in the lobby together. 

 

“Jesus Christ Miss C are you trying to kill me?!” Cal called and Delphine spun around immediately to face him. 

 

 _Merde,_ “Eh… merci Cal, I think.”

 

“You look beautiful Miss C.”

 

“Merci aussi Scott.”

 

This continued for a while, Delphine's students telling her that she looked incredible and stunning. Finally when Delphine was about to leave she heard Paul’s voice behind her. She turned to face him, seeing Cosima under his arm.

 

“Woah Miss C fucking hell, trying to get some action tonight are we?” Paul joked. 

 

Against her better judgement, in front of her students nonetheless, she looked at Cosima for a second and replied to Paul, “oui Paul that's my intention exactly, don't wait up.” Cosima’s face dropped, she discretely pulled out from Paul’s grasps and headed back towards her hotel room.

 

Delphine followed suit and left the hotel. She called a taxi to take her to the nearest club and she planned to drown her sorrows, not sleep with anyone but she hadn't been with anyone since Marc and some harmless flirting was most defiantly needed. 

 

She arrived at the club and headed over to the bar. Naturally, she was swarmed by a sea of men, most of them were surprisingly attractive and exactly Delphine’s type. However, one woman amongst the group caught her eye, petite, dark brown hair, beautiful and in a fitted expensive dress, _she looks just like her- like Cosima_ , she bought a glass of champagne over to Delphine and sat on the empty stool next to her. 

 

“Hi, I hope I’m not stealing your dates seat?” the brunette asked.

 

“Non, no date,” Delphine smiled.

 

“How is that possible?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean you’re French, impossibly beautiful and clearly very smart?”

 

Delphine chuckled, “Oui I’ll give you the French and beautiful part, but what makes you so sure I’m smart?”

 

“Let’s call it a hunch, am I wrong?”

 

“Hmmm non not in so many words, I’m an English teacher.”

 

“Beauty and brains I knew it, I’m Imogen.” The woman stuck her hand out and shook Delphine's.

 

“Enchante Imogen, I’m Delphine.” _Imogen and Delphine, sounds rather fitting._

 

“Enchante jolie demoiselle. C'est un plaisir de vous rencontrer ( _It’s lovely to meet you, beautiful lady, it is my pleasure_ ).” 

 

“Wait! Are you French!?” Delphine asked in a hurried excitement.

 

“Well, no I speak French… but I love France maybe you could show me around some of your favourite places next time I visit.”

 

“Oui next time I go home, I would very much like to show you around.”

 

“And I would very much like you to show me around.”

 

“Bon it's settled then. I was going to… do you want to dance?”

 

“Oui I would love to.” Imogen nodded eagerly.

 

Delphine in an unusually bold move grabbed Imogen’s hand and led them onto the dance floor. Once they were in the middle amongst the other bodies and blaring music, Delphine pulled the smaller woman’s body into hers so that her back was against Delphine’s front. They swayed together feeling the loud beat course through their bodies. Delphine rested her hands against the brunette's hips and pulled her tighter towards her relishing the feel of another body against hers. Imogen spun around and pressed her chest flush against Delphine as she rose on her tiptoes and pulled the blonde down into a sweet kiss. Delphine kissed her back but something about Imogen's lips against her's didn't feel right, she was usually a good kisser but right now with the brunette in her arms, she felt robotic and unpracticed.

 

_She's not Cosima, thats the problem._

 

Imogen pulled away to catch her breath, “I’m sorry I’m not usually this forward.”

 

“Non, please its fine. I’m not normally either…”

 

“Who is she?”

 

“I’m sorry?” Delphine raised an eyebrow.

 

“The woman you’re here to forget about.”

 

Delphine giggled in a nervous disbelief, “I’m not here to forget about anyone, I’m just here to have some fun.”

 

“Oh come on Delphine, you’ve got love sick puppy written all over your face.”

 

Delphine exhaled loudly, “Is it that obvious?”

 

“Yep absolutely. I mean you didn't really seem that into our kiss, you were kind of distracted. My question is, why are you here and not with her?”

 

“It’s complicated, we can't… we wouldn't work out,” Delphine answered honestly.

 

“You never know if you don't try… anyway, I’m going to go and find some other beautiful lady to make out with, although I doubt I’ll find anyone as beautiful as you.”

 

“Ha! Merci Imogen. It was lovely to meet you.”

 

“You too Delphine, good luck. Now go and get your girl okay?”

 

“Oui d’accord.” 

 

The pair hugged one another goodbye and Delphine made her way to the exit. She left the club, hailed a taxi and made her way back to the hotel. Delphine thought about what Imogen had said the whole journey home. She couldn't just go and get Cosima it isn't as simple as that. But the thought that someone else could be with the woman she was in love with ripped Delphine to pieces and she cried the whole way home. 

 

Once Delphine had made her way through the deserted lobby and reached her room she could see Cosima sitting outside of her door doing something on her laptop, presumably waiting for her.

 

When Cosima could sense Delphine was close she asked, “where’s your date?”

 

“Excuse me?” Delphine sniffled bitterly.

 

Cosima looked up from her laptop and threw it aside rushing to her feet, she placed her hands either side of Delphine's arms, “Oh shit Del I’m sorry I didn't realise you were crying-“

 

Delphine took a step back away from Cosima’s comforting embrace, “you’re my student Cosima, what makes you think you can ask me that?”

 

Cosima’s face softened showing nothing but pure vulnerability, “don’t be like this Delphine please, nothing has changed, you’re still my best friend.”

 

“Non I’m not, I can't be. I’m going to bed Cosima, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

 

Delphine took a step towards her door only to stopped by Cosima stepping in front of her gazing up into her eyes.

 

“Wait, Delphine, I think it's time we admitted what this is really about don't you?”

 

“What?”

 

Cosima reached for the back of Delphine’s neck and pulled her into a gentle kiss. 

 

Delphine pulled away after a few seconds, “Cosima don’t, we can't, I’m your teacher.”

 

Cosima took Delphine’s hands into her own, “I know, I know but you’re also my best friend, the only person who I want to be with all the time, the only person who can make me smile when I’m broken... I can't think straight with you on my mind Delphine.”

 

Delphine felt her tears grow heavier, “I’m sorry Cosima, I’m so sorry I never meant for this to happen.”

 

“Don’t apologise, I know you feel this too.”

 

“It doesn't matter what I feel Cosima. I should never have let things get to this stage.”

 

“Bullshit! You don't believe that! I know you Delphine, better than you know yourself. I know that you’re scared and you probably feel guilty for letting me fall so deeply for you but it’s okay because now we can be together.”

 

Delphine stepped around her student and went into her hotel room, followed by an uninvited Cosima. Delphine threw her bag on her bed and spun around to see the brunette only inches away from her, “non Cosima, listen to me, we can't be together.”

 

“Why not? We’ve been hanging out for months and we haven't been caught.” Cosima practically pleaded. 

 

“Because it's one thing to be your friend Cosima and something completely different to be your… your girlfriend.”

 

Cosima took a step forward so that there was no room left between her and Delphine, “do you want to be with me?”

 

 _Want to be with you? I’m completely in love with you,_ “Cosima, it doesn't matter how I feel about you, it's wrong and you’re 17 it's illegal!”

 

“I’m 18 in 3 months Delphine.”

 

“That's besides the point, regardless of your age Cosima I’m still your teacher.”

 

“You didn't answer my question, do you want to be with me?”

 

“Cosima-“

 

“-Just answer the question, Delphine.”

 

“Yes! Okay yes! Yes, I want you Cosima! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

 

Cosima pulled Delphine into another kiss, more eager and tender. She gently pushed Delphine onto the bed and straddled her hips, gently stroking the blonde's lower lip with her tongue as she brushed her hands up Delphine's sides until they rested lovingly on her cheeks. 

 

Delphine moaned into their kiss causing Cosima to slide her tongue into Delphine’s mouth. As their tongues danced softly with one another, her hands tangled in Delphine’s golden locks as an appreciative groan fell from her lips. 

 

Delphine wrapped her left hand around the brunette's back, holding her, whilst her right hand cupped Cosima’s cheek and gently rubbed her thumb against her cheekbone. Both Cosima and Delphine held one another tight as months of stolen glances, soft touches and late night phone calls manifested themselves in this kiss. 

 

This kiss that should feel so wrong, but doesn’t, not in any sense of the word. Both women felt what could only be described as magic or even a miracle. This one kiss had made Cosima and Delphine’s years of neglect suddenly not so painful because right now in this moment they were holding each other, promising each other to give themselves to one another, a promise that was silently sealed with this one magical miracle of a kiss.

 

Delphine was sure now more than ever that she was in love with Cosima Niehaus, she was absolutely besotted and she was also completely fucked.

 

_Merde, merde, merde._

 

Delphine rolled Cosima off of her and stood up from the bed panting, “Cosima, please, stop.”

 

Amongst her tears of joy Cosima confessed, “It’s okay Delphine, I love you.”

 

“What?”

 

Cosima leapt up from the bed and wrapped her arms around Delphine’s waist, “I’m so madly in love with you that my chest aches whenever I’m not with you. I involuntarily smile like an idiot whenever I think about you. When I’m with other people I’m silently praying for someone to mention your name just so that I can tell everyone how amazing I think you are. I mean I intentionally get detention every Monday and Thursday just so I can walk past your office and possibly bump into you. I haven't let my phone run out of battery in 3 months because I don't want to miss a single text or call from you. Jesus Christ, how could you not see it?”

 

“Cosima I-“

 

“-You don't have to say it back, it’s okay. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I meant what I said on the plane Delphine, I love you. I’ve loved you since you shot Paul down in our first ever lesson together and every day since then I’ve only fallen for you more and more. You’ve already done so much for me, you’ve taken care of me, for the first time in my life Delphine I’ve had someone who cares about me. I mean you look after me and take me out so I’m not lonely, you let me dork out with you over my hobbies and you take an interest in what I like. I’ve never met anyone like you before, someone who understood me so completely and someone who I would do anything for just to make you happy. I want nothing more than to make you happy Delphine, whether that's as your friend or your girlfriend I never want to be without you.”

 

Delphine let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, “I love you too.”

 

Cosima chuckled in disbelief, “I’m sorry what?”

 

Delphine continued to gaze down at the brunette and brought a hand up to cup her cheek, “c’est vrai, I didn’t want to fall for you, I wasn't supposed to… but I have.”

 

Cosima placed her hand over Delphine's and smiled hopefully at the blonde, “please Delphine, don't say it if you don't mean it.”

 

“I do Cosima, I do. But you have to understand that we can’t….not now.”

 

Cosima tightened her grip on Delphine's waist, “Delphine we love each other, the rest doesn’t matter.”

 

“In an ideal world that would be enough Cosima but we live in the real world. This is my career, my life. Please try to understand, I’m not saying forever, just wait until graduation, please.”

 

Cosima released her hold on Delphine and took a step away from her, “why can't this be enough for you Delphine?”

 

“Cosima, you are enough, you always have been. But I know you’re intelligent enough to know that this is serious, we can't rush into this as though we have the luxury of a normal relationship because we don’t.”

 

“So what, you want me to wait around for you like some loyal dog waiting for his master to return home?”

 

“Non! I want you to wait for me until you are 18 and no longer my student so that I don't lose my job or get arrested! I don't think that this is an unreasonable request.”

 

Cosima’s tears grew heavier, “No Delphine, it’s now or never! I have been waiting around for 17 years! Every night I would wait for my parents to come home or for Susan to come round. Every night I would sit on the stairs by the front door and stare at it willing someone, anyone, to come and just say hello, or to see if I was okay, or God forbid tuck me into bed with a goodnight hug. But they never did Delphine! So I promised myself that I would stop waiting, that I would never wait for anyone ever again.” 

 

Delphine took a step towards Cosima only to have her back towards the door, “Cosima, I’m not them, I’m not your parents. I promise that I will be here for you as soon as you graduate. I’m not going anywhere. ”

 

“How can I trust that Delphine? Everyone leaves me eventually.”

 

“Because you feel it Cosima, look at me. I will not leave you I need you to trust me. I told you I wouldn't hurt you and I never intend to.”

 

“That’s not good enough Delphine. I’m sorry.”

 

“Cosima… I love you. Please just wait for me.“

 

Cosima sobbed openly, “No Delphine I won't do it, please don't ask me to… I know that you said that we can't be friends so... I… I’ll see you Monday morning in school Miss Cormier... Please, don't forget about me.”

 

And then she left. Just like that, she was gone. Delphine fell to the floor, she cried and shook until in the early hours of the morning she fell asleep from exhaustion with thoughts of her, no, she's not hers, with thoughts of _the_ brunette clouding her dreams.


	7. Dancing On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q31tGyBJhRY
> 
> Also, when it comes to the dedications I really suggest you listen to the songs if you haven't already heard them, I think they really speak volumes about their feelings for one another-
> 
> She Will Be Loved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIjVuRTm-dc  
> Still Falling For You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvP_OwVSFpk

**DECEMBER**

 

It was the last day before school finished for the Christmas break. It had been a full 4 week since the London trip. It had been a month since Delphine had seen Cosima, her once promising student opting to ditch her English class much to Delphine's dismay _and_ relief. Delphine knew of course that Cosima should be in her lessons, it was unwise for her to miss such important teaching hours especially when her final assessments was due in a few short months, but, Delphine also knew that her heart would break seeing the brunette look at her with disdain and indifference, which following their last conversation, she most likely would. 

 

The past 4 weeks had no doubt been the hardest for both women. With Cosima choosing to spend her nights and weekends getting high with Delphine’s french playlist playing into her ear canals. Likewise, Delphine chose to fill her solitude with bottle after bottle of fine wine whilst reading ‘On the Origin of Species’ over and over again until she was sure she could recite page after page in her sleep. Delphine and Cosima craved one another, they missed the others company and warmth, feeling lost with the sudden withdrawal from one another. They both had one missing soul mate, one that although not lost in the geographical sense, was most definitely lost in the sense of belonging- because in truth without one another, they didn't feel as if they belonged anywhere.

 

They needed each other- desperately, the problem was that neither knew how to ask the other to come back without admitting defeat. 

 

Overall, Delphine was relieved when the school bell finally chimed signifying the end of the semester. She wanted nothing more than to go home and wallow in self-pity whilst wearing one of Cosima’s forgotten hoodies that still lay over the back of her dining room chair. Delphine packed up her bag and made a beeline for the car park, only to be stopped by Siobhan in the foyer. 

 

“Hey Del, hold on a sec,” Siobhan jogged towards Delphine and gave her a wide grin.

 

“Oui hello Siobhan are you okay?”

 

“Yes I’m great, just checking to see if you wanted a lift to the winter dance tonight?”

 

 _Merde,_ “the dance is tonight? I completely forgot.”

 

“Yeah it's tonight, 8-12. So do you want me to pick you up on the way?”

 

Delphine fidgeted with her bag, “actually I’m not feeling too great I think I’m just going to stay home tonight.”

 

Siobhan placed a reassuring hand around Delphine's shoulder as the two continued towards the car park, “C’mon Del I’m not going to let you miss this! Your first semester here is over and you’ve done an incredible job! We need to celebrate. I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”

 

Despite screaming internally, Delphine nodded and agreed and made her way home, kicking herself for agreeing so easily. 

 

After hours of trying on different outfits, Delphine finally settled on an elegant body length, fitted, maroon dress. She knew that Cosima would most definitely be in attendance tonight and that this meant that there would be no possible way to avoid the brunette any longer. No, Delphine would have to face up to her fears and insecurities and confront Cosima, their relationship can't carry on like this, Delphine is miserable and she knows that the only way to get over Cosima is to get closure from her once and for all.

 

Delphine paced around her hallway awaiting Siobhan's arrival. She practiced her speech over and over again until it became automatic and rolled off of her tongue without hesitation... _Cosima, I will always care about you. But, we can't go on like this. You need to start attending lessons again, you will not jeopardize your grades, your future, because of a mistake I made. After a while, we will fall back into a routine and all of this, our relationship, will be in the past and nothing but a memory. I'm sorry for my indiscretions, I hope to see you in my lessons in the new year..._ Although of course, what Delphine actually meant by all of this was...  _I'm sorry I pushed you so hard in London, I understand why you're scared because I am too. I trust you, I care about you, I love you Cosima._ But none of that could ever be spoken to anyone other than her reflection gazing back at her from her hallway mirror.

 

Delphine was brought back to reality by the harsh beeping of a car horn outside of her house. She picked up her purse and made a swift exit, welcoming the distraction her friend could offer. 

 

After a short journey to one of the nicer hotels in Toronto, Delphine and Siobhan made their way into the dance. They mingled with the other teachers, enjoying the conversation and even more so, enjoying the flow of free alcohol. Delphine could almost forget her troubles, almost but not quite. As Delphine topped up her drink at the bar she heard a rowdy group burst through the double doors. She followed the noise until her eyes landed on the source. Cosima. More specifically Cosima _and_ Paul. Together, with his arm drunkenly slung around her. 

 

Delphine felt so conflicted, she was angry and upset that Cosima chose to bring Paul here, _is she trying to hurt me?_ But also hopelessly remorseful that _she_ isn't the one with her arms around her,  _Mon Dieu she looks so beautiful._

 

Cosima escaped from Paul's grasps and Delphine could have sworn she saw her push him away, but that was most definitely wishful thinking, wasn't it? Cosima made her way over to an empty table with her friends and although she knew she was staring and being overtly obvious, she couldn't lift her gaze from the brunette, the way she laughed with her friends and the way she swayed her hips on the dance floor, Delphine wanted nothing more than to walk up behind her and hold her as they swayed together. And most importantly Delphine couldn't help but notice the sad smile Cosima would occasionally give herself when she knew everyone else was preoccupied and her upset couldn't be seen, well, from anyone else other than Delphine. Cosima was hurting much in the same way that Delphine was and the blonde knew that Cosima still cared for her just like she still cared for Cosima, there was no use in denying it any longer. She had to do something, anything to make Cosima's smile return. Boundaries be damned. 

 

And when Delphine saw the DJ leave his booth and walk towards the bar, she knew just what to do. She grabbed a napkin and a pen from the bar and made quick work of writing down her plan to make her brunette smile.

 

Delphine approached the bar as the DJ ordered his drink “bonjour.”

 

“Oh hey” the DJ smirked.

 

“I love your set…” Delphine faked a smile, suddenly all to aware she was being watched from across the room. 

 

“Wow thanks, maybe you could come up to my booth with me and I could show you what I do up close and personal…” the DJ took a step in Delphine's direction.

 

Delphine nodded enthusiastically, “Mhm merci maybe, I was actually just wondering if you wouldn't mind doing me a little favor?”

 

“For a beautiful french chick sure I’ll do anything.”

 

“Bon. Well you see I’m crushing on a fellow teacher and I want to tell them how I feel but I’m shy and I also don't want the kids to see us. I wrote down a note and a song request on this piece of paper. Would you mind reading the note out and playing the song for me s'il vous plait?”

 

The DJ took the piece of paper that Delphine handed him and inspected it carefully, “Well I don't normally do requests but I’m a sucker for French women so sure why not. I’ll play it after this set has finished.”

 

“Merci.” Delphine smiled and gently touched the DJ's bicep.

 

“Sure don't mention it- and hey- if it doesn't work out with this other teacher, feel free to hit me up yeah?”

 

“Oui I will definitely _hit you up_.”

 

After finishing his drink and making polite conversation with Delphine, the DJ made his way back to his decks and set up his next track, “we’ve got a dedication now. This song is for C from D, D says… ‘ _Remember Sweet Disposition? You told me it's about a couple in love who promise to always love each other even though they may not always be together. Listen to the lyrics C, my feelings haven't changed.’_ … Okay, well, I’m hoping C knows what that means. Anyway here is _She Will Be Loved._ ”

 

Delphine watched as Paul drunkenly dragged Cosima onto the dance floor and swayed with her to _hers_ and Cosima’s song. To Delphine's relief, Cosima pushed Paul off of her and made her way back towards her friends at their table. Delphine knew Cosima was smart enough to decrypt her message, she knew that the brunette knew that this was for her.

 

_Beauty queen of only eighteen she_

_Had some trouble with herself_

_He was always there to help her,_

_She always belonged to someone else_

 

_I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door_

_I've had you so many times but somehow I want more_

 

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved, and she will be loved_

 

_Tap on my window, knock on my door,_

_I want to make you feel beautiful_

_I know I tend to get so insecure_

_It doesn't matter anymore_

 

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies_

_It's compromise that moves us along yeah_

_My heart is full, and my door's always open_

_You can come anytime you want yeah_

 

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved, and she will be loved_

 

_I know where you hide alone in your car_

_Know all of the things that make you who you are_

_I know that goodbye means nothing at all_

_Comes back and makes me catch her every time she falls_

 

_Yeah, tap on my window, knock on my door,_

_I want to make you feel beautiful_

 

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain oh_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved, and she will be loved_

 

_Please don't try so hard to say good-bye_

_I don't mind spending everyday, out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Please don't try so hard to say good-bye_

 

Throughout the entirety of the song, Cosima sat and listened to the lyrics, appearing to analyse every syllable. For the majority, Delphine found her unreadable but as the song drew to a close Delphine could have sworn she saw the faintest of smiles fall upon the brunette's lips.  

 

But with no attempt to reconcile or even exchange reassuring glances on Cosima’s part, Delphine was convinced that she had lost her for good. She was sure that there would be no way back for her and Cosima, with that thought alone threatening to make her break she quickly turned towards the bar and ordered a double of their strongest spirit- neat. 

 

Cosima watched as Delphine quickly downed her drinks, knowing that she was trying to forget about her, or get over her- either way both reasons had the same outcome. _Hold on Delphine, just hold on_ , Cosima whispered to herself. 

 

A few songs later, Cosima discreetly fumbled around in her purse praying that tonight wouldn't be the one night that she left the house without her double helix notebook and pen in tow. To her relief she found it, making quick work of writing a discreet reply to Delphine. 

 

After the note was written, Cosima climbed up to the DJ decks note in hand, “hey dude this note was on the floor next to your decks. I don't know if you dropped it or whatever?”

 

The DJ read the note, “Oh shit thanks. Damn! I guess me and Frenchie aren't going to hook up after all.”

 

“You’re damn right you’re not,” Cosima mumbled as she dismounted the podium.

 

After the next song finished the DJ grabbed his microphone, “Hey D, looks like your dedication worked, C replied. He said… _‘we won't stop till its over, won’t stop to surrender, I’m so sorry. My feelings haven't changed either.’ …_ Well, hey, I’m glad you two worked it out. This one's for you D from C!”

 

Delphine spun on her heels away from the bar, heart pounding against her ribcage only to be met with Cosima’s beaming signature smile from across the room. As the music began Cosima took her place in the middle of the dance floor staring intently at Delphine as she watched her French goddess giggle with a huge grin plastered on her face, even from across the room Cosima could make out the tears of joy threatening to fall from Delphine’s eyes. Delphine knew this song well, knew the lyrics off by heart, she knew that Cosima still loved her.

 

Siobhan ran up along aside Delphine and grabbed her hand pulling her onto the dance floor, “c’mon chicken, I love this song!”

 

Delphine followed suit and allowed herself to be yanked onto the crowded dance floor by her English counterpart.

 

_Fire and ice_

_This love is like fire and ice_

_This love is like rain and blue skies_

_This love is like sun on the rise_

_This love got me rolling the dice_

_Don't let me lose_

_Still falling for you_

 

_Beautiful mind_

_Your heart got a story with mine_

_Your heart got me hurting at times_

_Your heart gave me new kind of highs_

_Your heart got me feeling so fine_

_So what to do_

_Still falling for you_

 

Amongst the cover of darkness and blaring music, Delphine danced backward until she was in the center on the dance floor, she found Cosima and danced back-to-back with her, letting their hands hold one another ever so slightly.

 

_It took us a while_

_With every breath a new day_

_With love on the line_

_We've had our share of mistakes_

_But all your flaws and scars are mine_

_Still falling for you_

 

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

 

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I'm still falling for you_

 

_Brighter than gold_

_This love shining brighter than gold_

_This love is like letters in bold_

_This love is like out of control_

_This love is never growing old_

_You make it new_

_Still falling for you_

 

_It took us a while_

_'Cause we were young and unsure_

_With love on the line_

_What if we both would need more_

_But all your flaws and scars are mine_

_Still falling for you_

 

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

 

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_Still falling for you_

 

Cosima turned around to face Delphine. She grabbed Delphine's shoulders and pulled her down whispering gently into her ear, “4th floor, 3rd door on the right, I’ll meet you on the balcony.” And within the blink of an eye Cosima was gone and for the first time since London, Delphine felt hopeful following Cosima's departure.

 

_Falling, crash into my arms_

_Love you like this_

_Like a first kiss_

_Never let go_

_Falling, crash into my arms_

_Never breaking what we got_

_Still falling for you_

 

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I’m still falling for you_

 

With an unwavering smile, Delphine excused herself to use the bathroom and made her way through the hotel towards Cosima, following her directions to a tee. When she finally entered the conference room Cosima had directed her to, she found the balcony and went out on it- and there she was, all smiles and giggles- Cosima was here waiting, waiting for her. 

 

The pair ran towards each other and enveloped one another in a tight embrace.

 

“I’ve missed you-“

 

“I missed you, Del-“

 

Both women began at the same time. Eventually, they pulled away to look at one another.

 

With Cosima's smile fixed permanently in place she looked up at Delphine, “Well, well Miss Cormier who knew you had such a way with words.”

 

Delphine chuckled, “I didn't write _She Will Be Loved_ Cosima.”

 

“I wasn't talking about that. _‘My feelings haven't changed’,_ I see what you mean about poems being a single word or thousands and still having the same meaning. Those 4 words are defiantly the most beautiful poem I’ve ever heard.”

 

“Now who is the one who has a way with words?”

 

“I know, I’m so irresistible.”

 

“Indeed you are. Listen Cosima-“

 

Cosima cupped Delphine’s cheeks in her palms, “-Let me go first, please… Delphine, I was so out of line in London. I know how much you risk being with me, I do honestly. I shouldn't have been so immature and impatient. I know you’re not my parents, I trust you not to abandon me because I believe you when you told me that you love me… Well, at least I hope you still do, I would understand if you didn’t. I mean-”

 

Delphine wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and pulled them closer together, “-Cosima, of course, I still love you. The feelings I have for you, the effect you have on me, it's not just something that I can switch on and off.”

 

Cosima smirked, “Really?”

 

“Oui really, but why… why are you here with him, with Paul? Did you come here with him to hurt me?”

 

“No! No baby listen to me, Paul is nothing to me. As soon as I left you in London I went to his room and told him that it was over for good, that I would never hold him or kiss him or sleep with him again. I know how it must have looked but I came here with a huge group of people and Paul and I just happened to walk in together. He's drunk and he keeps trying things with me, he keeps grabbing me and trying to kiss me but I keep pushing him away. I don't want anyone if it's not you Delphine.”

 

“Me either Cosima, Mon Dieu, I haven't been able to think about anyone or anything but you this last month, I’ve just missed you.”

 

“Well now you don't have to, I’m here.”

 

Delphine dropped her head to the floor, “I know and I’m so happy… but does this mean you’re willing to wait for me?”

 

Cosima lifted Delphine's head and brushed her cheek with the back of her knuckles, “Of course. I was selfish and acting out of desperation when I told you it was now or never. I should never have put you in that position.”

 

“It's okay I understand where the fear was coming from but you know me Cosima, these past 4 months you've gotten to know me better than anyone and you know that I wouldn't suddenly change my mind and decide that I don't want to be with you.”

 

Cosima buried her head in Delphine chest and held her tight, “I know, just 2 more months Delphine.”

 

Delphine looked down at Cosima, still holding onto her tight, “Non Cosima, 4 months.”

 

“But I’m 18 in 2.”

 

“And you’re my student for 4.”

 

“It’s not illegal to be with me if I’m 18 Delphine- even if you are my teacher. Trust me I’ve done nothing but research the legality around all of this.”

 

Delphine let out a small giggle, “Well, although I’m glad I wont get arrested, I also don't want to lose my career.”

 

“You wont! We can handle this Delphine.”

 

“It's not up for debate Cosima.”

 

“…You’re not going to budge are you?”

 

“Non. 4 months.”

 

With a mocking sigh Cosima agreed, “Mmmmmm…. fine, 4 months, I’m sure you’re worth the wait Cormier.”

 

Delphine gazed into those eyes that she loved so much, “Hey, it’s hard for me to Cosima, believe me. You’re not the only one who has to control what they're feeling. I've been a wreck ever since you left me in London.”

 

“I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, Delphine.”

 

“I know you didn’t. But now that I know what it's like without you- I know that I can't lose you again.”

 

“You won’t!” Still holding one another, Cosima stroked Delphine's back to reassure her. 

 

“Good, we can still talk everyday, we just can't start this romantic relationship until after graduation.”

 

Delphine felt Cosima smile against her neck, “Okay, we can just remain best buddies for now.”

 

“Bon. And you’re going to start coming to my damn class again!”

 

Cosima outright laughed, “Ha okay, okay! I will! I just knew that if I saw you I’d probably start crying so I kept away.”

 

“I thought it was because you hated me. I kept away because I couldn't bear to see you look at me differently.”

 

Cosima reached up onto her tiptoes and with one hand tangled in Delphine's golden locks, she pulled her down into a gentle kiss. 

 

Reluctantly pulling away for air, Cosima sighed, “Delphine…”

 

“Oui?”

 

“Has it been 4 months yet?”

 

Delphine slapped Cosima's hip playfully and laughed, it felt good to laugh again, “Non Cosima not quite!”

 

“Damn how am I going to maintain my distance now, knowing that you’re going to be mine soon.”

 

“I think you’ll manage- because now you know that I am yours Cosima. I am yours completely from now until you get bored of me.”

 

“Me get bored of you? Ha, Delphine are you crazy? I will never get bored of you- I can't wait for my life with you to begin.”

 

“Bon because I was thinking…”

 

“Mhm go on.”

 

“Well I mean before London we practically spent everyday together, we would always cook dinner at each other houses for one another and stay round if we drank to much wine or it got too late…I mean it just became our routine really to stay around one another's houses.”

 

“Yes, that's all true, your point is?”

 

“My point is… if you want…move in with me Cosima. After graduation I mean.”

 

Cosima stuttered in disbelief, “W-w- wait you want me to move in with you?”

 

“You don't have to I just thought-“

 

Cosima leaped up and pulled Delphine into a searing kiss, holding her so tight that Delphine thought she would be left with bruises.  

 

“Of course I want to move in with you! Are you sure though? I don't want you to feel like you have to, I mean I don't want to move to quick and scare you away.”

 

“Cosima, we practically lived together for months before London anyway and I loved it. I loved waking you up with breakfast in bed and giving you a kiss on the cheek before we went to sleep. My home now, it just feels empty without you there. Plus you can finally move out of your parent's house and start fresh… with me. You won't have to go back to that place every again, you won't have to see them ever again if you don't want to.”

 

Cosima rested her forehead against Delphine's, “You Delphine Cormier are incredible do you know that?”

 

“Oui I know.”

 

“So we’re actually doing this.”

 

“Oui we are mon amour.”

 

Cosima stoked Delphine's neck and cradled her jaw, “I don't think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you call me that.”

 

“Good because I plan on saying it a lot.”

 

“I still can't believe that your real and that this is actually happening.”

 

“Well, I am and it is. I will be waiting for you in the crowd as soon as you collect your diploma.”

 

“I can't freaking wait! I’m like going to pounce on you as soon as Principal Leekie passes it over to me.”

 

“Pounce on me?”

 

“Yeah you know like mount you.”

 

“Ha! I think we should at least wait until we get back to _our_ home before you pounce on me.”

 

“After 4 months? You’ll be lucky if I don't jump off the stage and crowd surf to you.”

 

“Hmmm I’m tempted to agree just so I can see you leap off of the stage but until we cross the threshold of our house on graduation day there will be no pouncing or mounting d’accord?”

 

“Mhmmmm we’ll see. I think by the time my birthday rolls around you’ll crack- Like you agreed I'm irresistible, and it won't be illegal.”

 

“Non Cosima I will not. You underestimate my will power.”

 

“Okay okay, well, make the most of me now because if we’re going to adhere to your rules then tonight will be the last time you kiss me for 4 whole months.”

 

“I know, I promise I will more than make up for the lack of kisses once you graduate.”

 

“I’m going to hold you to that Delphine.”

 

“I hope you do _mon amour_.”

 

Delphine pulled a smiling Cosima up into a tender kiss. And held her as though she would never let go. 

 

With their love safley encased in their arms, neither woman realized that Paul was watching from the doorway of the conference room with his phone in hand, camera app open. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, this will probably be the last update before 2017 so I just wanted to wish everyone who is celebrating it a very Merry Christmas and an incredible New Year!
> 
> And although this year has given me many ups and downs, I'm very thankful to have found the Orphan Black fandom. It has allowed me to meet so many wonderful, talented and funny people and so to all of you, thank you!
> 
> So here's to 2017- let's hope John and Graeme don't screw us all over and ruin our year ;)


	8. Don't Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and me  
> We used to be together  
> Every day together always  
> I really feel  
> That I'm losing my best friend  
> I can't believe  
> This could be the end  
> It looks as though you're letting go  
> And if it's real  
> Well I don't want to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMOMFb3EHZM
> 
> As always thank you for your comments and kudos <3

**JANUARY**

 

As Delphine lies there with Cosima nuzzled into her neck she can't help but think back over the last few weeks and how utterly perfect they have been. Since the dance Cosima and Delphine have been inseparable. Thier days filled with outings to Cosima's favourite science museums and Delphine's favourite bookstores and theatres amongst countless restaurants, parks and leisure places that the pair discovered together.

 

Delphine thinks back to the day that she took Cosima ice skating and pretty much carried her around the rink with Cosima being terrified to fall, and in return the next day, Cosima took her 23-year-old girlfriend to the swimming bars and taught her how to swim. After the initial speechlessness at seeing Delphine in a 2 piece bathing suit, she couldn't stop giggling at Delphine refusal to even get in the pool with her. After a long winded argument consisting of Cosima telling Delphine to get in and Delphine refusing, she finally got in and Cosima was nothing if not patient and protective. She held onto Delphine the whole time promising to never let her go until she was ready, whispering sweet encouragements and terms of endearments in her ear until finally without even realising having been so caught up with Cosimas words, she was swimming all by herself, with Cosima beaming with pride along side her. 

 

Delphine stokes Cosima's cheek and thinks about the fact that the pair spent these precious few weeks together learning everything about one another, their secrets, their hopes, their fears and with neither being discouraged about what they learnt about the other, they knew that this was real. Delphine told Cosima things that she hadn't even told Marc, nor her family for fear of being judged. But Cosima didn't judge her, or shame her, or belittle her, no, Cosima held Delphine tighter through her tears whispered 'J'taime' over and over again until Delphine's tears had subsided. Cosima and Delphine knew that this was absolutely where they belonged. 

 

And now as Delphine looks down on her sleeping brunette she can't help but feel a sad twinge in her heart at the thought they will have to go back to concealing their relationship. Gone are the days when Delphine can talk to Cosima for hours on end, or go exploring with her, or God forbid embrace her. 

 

Delphine knows that any second her alarm will sound and that she will have to drag Cosima out of bed, most likely kicking and screaming, and get her and herself ready for school. 

 

Eventually, the dreaded alarm began and sure enough Delphine chuckled at her brunettes stubbornness and sheer unwillingness to untangle herself from Delphine's all too comfy limbs. Delphine scoots down the bed and stares into those chocolate eyes that she loves so much as she stokes Cosima's face into wakefulness. After both savour their last few moments in bed together, Cosima goes and showers whilst Delphine makes them breakfast. 

 

After both women are ready, they stand in Delphine's hallway, both unwilling to make the first move out of the door and shatter this perfect world they have created together. Delphine wraps Cosima up in her arms and exhales slowly.

 

Cosima looks up at Delphine with tears in her eyes, “I don't want to go Delphine, I just want to stay here with you- preferably in bed all day with Netflix and take out but I’m not picky.”

 

Delphine chuckles and rests her head against Cosima's, “Oui, I know, me too. But just because we cant spend the day together, doesn’t mean we cant spend the evening together.”

 

“Ohhhh Miss Cormeir are you inviting me to spend the night with you?”

 

“Oui Cosima, I want to spend the evening with you…” _Delphine kisses Cosima’s knuckles_ “…In bed…” _and then her neck_ “…Under the covers…” _and then tenderly her lips_ “…Sleeping.”

 

Cosima moans as Delphine pulls out of their kiss, “You. Are. Such. A. Tease.”

 

“Mhm and you love it.”

 

“Mmm non I would love it more if you gave into my cheeky American wiles and let me _actually_ sleep with you.”

 

“Well you can…”

 

Cosima's eyes widened, “What?”

 

“...In just under 4 months.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Non you love me.”

 

Cosima playfully rolled her eyes, “Yeah I do.” Cosima pulled Delphine down and smiled into a gentle kiss. 

 

“Bien. But we do have to go to school at some stage. Preferably before graduation rolls around.”

 

“Hey I’m the cheeky one in this relationship remember?”

 

Delphine feels her jaw ache with a fixed smile and cups Cosima's cheeks, “Bien sur, how could I forget.”

 

“Okay, okay, lets go. Lets see Monday morning first period I have… oh right I have English. Shit I really cant be late to that.”

 

“Oh why not?”

 

“Well, don't tell anyone okay?”

 

“Je promets.”

 

Cosima extends onto her tiptoes and whispers in Delphine's ear, “My English teacher kinda has the hots for me.”

 

“Really?” Delphine looked Cosima up and down, “Hm I don't see it?”

 

“Yeah well she totally does. And if I’m not there then she may like cry or have a meltdown or some shit because her eye candy hasn't shown up.”

 

Delphine nods her head in complete understanding, “Ah I see, so you want to go to English out of the kindness of your heart because you don't want to upset your teacher?”

 

“Exactly. I wouldn't want her to get another piece of eye candy and ditch me you know?”

 

“Hm well I mean between Cal and the other jocks I’m sure that she has plenty to chose from.”

 

“Hey!” Cosima hits Delphine's arm. 

 

Delphine can only laugh in return, “I’m sorry mon amour. You know I’m only joking.”

 

“Yeah? You better be. I'd kick Cal's ass. And anyone else who hit on you for that matter.”

 

"Oh is Miss Cosima-Cocky-Niehaus jealous?"

 

"Mm nope not jealous, just protective of my woman."

 

“Oui whatever you say mon cheri, now lets go. We wouldn't want to deprive your English teacher of you would we now?”

 

With a cheeky smile, Cosima kisses Delphine chastely and answers, “No we would not.”

 

Reluctantly Cosima and Delphine part ways with Cosima choosing to walk to school, despite Delphine's insistence that she will drive her and drop her off discreetly. 

 

By the time first-period rolls around Cosima is already missing Delphine, despite only having seen her a mere 45 minutes ago, she misses having the blonde nearby, which she has grown accustomed to over the past few weeks. 

 

Cosima is sitting at her desk, making polite conversation with Scott and Cal about their winter breaks, waiting for Delphine to arrive. 

 

Cosima was so interested listening to Scott's story that she didn't notice Paul come and take up residence in the seat next to her. Paul told Scott and Cal to leave which they did quickly, saying no to Paul Dierden was not something that was done often given how powerful his father was. 

 

Cosima turned to Paul sharply, "That was rude Paul, we were having a conversation."

 

Paul stretched his arm backwards to rest on the back of Cosima's chair, "Yeah well I wanted to talk to you, I've missed you."

 

"Oh is that so?"

 

Paul moved his free hand to rest on Cosima's thigh, "Yeah, a lot actually."

 

Before Cosima had a chance to register where Pauls hand now lies, the door flung open and in came Delphine, all smiles and beauty, until she noticed where Paul's hand was and her smile was quickly abandoned for a rage bubbling deep within her chest. _Why the fuck didn't I make a seating chart?_

 

Immediately noticing this, Cosima batted his hand away as she moved back to put as much distance between them as possible, "Yeah well I didn't miss you, Paul. Nothing has changed I still want nothing to do with you."

 

"Mhm we'll see about that?"

 

"No, we won't Paul, my mind isn't going to change."

 

Paul smirked, "Okay."

 

The lesson carried on as normal as can be expected considering that Cosima was dating her teacher and could do nothing but clench her knuckles around the desk in order to resist the urge to run up to the front of the classroom and kiss Delphine until she saw stars.

 

The lesson was drawing to a close when Delphine asked her students if they wanted to share any poems they've found or have written. Alison volunteers to read a sonnet written by Shakespeare, as she did every lesson.

 

With the class and Delphine distracted by Alison, Paul leant in close to Cosima and whispered in her ear, “I'm going to read a poem I've written after Alison. This is a poem I wrote for C from P. I’m sure it's not as good as that Sweet Disposition bullshit but I think it gets my point across.”

 

Cosima felt her heart sink into her stomach, _he doesn't know, he can't know,_ “Huh?”

 

“Don’t play dumb Cos, we both know what I’m talking about.”

 

Cosima began to sweat and gulped audibly earning a snigger from Paul, “Mmm nope sorry Paul, try again.”

 

“Okay let me spell it out for you, this is one I wrote for you and your girlfriend.”

 

Cosima turned to face him head on, she tried her best to chuckle, to pretend that that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard but she couldn't, “What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend.”

 

“Really? Don't lie to me Cosima.”

 

“I’m not Paul, just because I don't want to be with you that doesn't automatically mean that I’m with someone else.”

 

“You see normally I would just take your word for it, but lets just say that I’ve got a few pictures taken on a certain balcony that would suggest otherwise.”

 

Cosima couldn't hide anything any longer, she had done this, it was her fault and she couldn't stop the tears streaming from her eyes, all that she and Delphine had done together- would Delphine think that it had been worth it? “What?”

 

Cosima was brought back to the present when she heard Delphine calling out, “Vraiment? No one else wants to share?”

 

Paul smirked knowingly at Cosima before turning to Delphine, “Yeah Miss Cormier, I would.”

 

“NO!” Cosima screamed, her heart racing, Delphine didn't deserve to be ' _exposed'_ like this, in a poem written by him.

 

Paul turned to the brunette and asked aloud, “Come on now Cosima, why cant I share my poetry with everyone?”

 

Cosima could only whisper in response, “Paul, please! Don’t!”

 

Delphine knew something was wrong. Cosima was clearly upset and she wouldn't look at her. Cosima always looks to Delphine for comfort, but now she's acting as though it's the last thing she wants, “Cosima, is everything okay?”

 

Cosima didn't know what to say. How was she supposed to look at Delphine and tell her she was okay when her world and the world of the person she loved more than anything was about to be torn to shreds.

 

Paul leant in close and whispered in Cosima's ear, “Don’t worry Cos, I’m not going to make your affair public knowledge. Don't make a scene.”

 

“Cosima?” Delphine pleaded. _Look at me, just look at me._

 

But Cosima couldn't, she just nodded and looked at the floor with a quiet, “Yeah everything’s fine.”

 

Sarah snapped at Cosima, “Jesus can you two keep your relationship drama private for once. I'm sick of listening to the Paul and Cosima show all the God Damn time. ”

 

“Fuck off Sarah!” Cosima snapped. 

 

“Theres no need for that language Cosima!”

 

Cosima turned her stare to Alison, “Oh bite me, Alison!”

 

Paul put his hand on Cosima's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, “I’m sorry Alison my girlfriend apologises don't you babe?”

 

“Yes.” Cosima answered bitterly. 

 

 _Girlfriend?_   _She's not your fucking girlfriend!_   _Why is Cosima letting him get away with this?_ Delphine felt short of breath, “Okay everyone calm down. Does anyone need to step out for a minute. Cosima?”

 

“No Miss Cormier please don't send her out, I want her to hear my poem.”

 

Delphine looked and Cosima who nodded, still avoiding her comforting gaze, she felt as though she had no right to be comforted, “Fine Paul.”

 

“Okay this is a poem I wrote for Cosima.”

 

Paul turned to Cosima and Delphine sat at her desk, no longer trusting her shaky knees to hold her upright. 

 

“I don't wanna hurt you but you live for the pain  
I'm not tryna say it but it's what you became  
You want me to fix you but it's never enough  
That's why you always call me cause you're scared to be loved  
But I'll always be there for you, I'll always be there for you  
I'll always be there for you, girl I have no shame”

 

There was a small clatter of applause as Paul turned to Delphine smiling wide, “Well, Miss Cormier what did you think?”

 

 _You petite merde_ , “Apart from that fact that it was extremely misogynistic and narcissistic, I'd say that it was okay. ”

 

Paul nodded and sat down, "Merci"

 

Cosima turned to him as whispered, “You made your point.”

 

"Good. I don't want a lot Cosima. But I have a reputation to uphold that I need to stay intact until college, so you, the straight A student, will be my girlfriend until we graduate. You will stop seeing Miss Cormier completely otherwise, my father will have her arrested and make it so that no educational establishment anywhere will ever hire her again- which really would be a shame, she seems to love her job. " 

 

"She does."

 

"Good, then you know what you need to do. Break off whatever it is that you two have today Cosima, I don't want to be kept waiting. I don't care what you do after we graduate, but whilst we're here together, you will be my girlfriend. "

 

And then the bell rang and Cosima for the first time in her life was going to be early to her next lesson. 

 

**____________________**

 

At the end of the day, Cosima knocked and entered Delphine's office where her blonde was waiting for her with open arms. 

 

Delphine pulled Cosima into a tight embrace, “Bonjour mon amour.”

 

“Hi.”

 

“How was your day?”

 

“Fine.”

 

Cosima pulled back and took a step away from her love, “I’ve been looking for you all day, I wanted to make sure that you was okay but I couldn't find you. What was that this morning with Paul?”

 

“Nothing I cant handle.”

 

Delphine felt her posture sink, she couldn't understand what she's done to warrant this cold behaviour from Cosima, “Oh okay… well are you ready to go home?”

 

“Listen Del… I… fuck.“

 

Delphine took a step towards the brunette, “Cosima?”

 

“I… I cant.”

 

“You cant what?”

 

Cosima pulled Delphine into a tight hold as she let her tears fall onto an unsuspecting Delphine, “Shh, can we just pretend please? Just for another minute?”

 

“I don’t understand Cosima, look at me, pretend what?”

 

Cosima met Delphine gaze as Delphine wiped away her tears, “Pretend that everything is going to be okay and work out just like we planned at the dance. Pretend that I don't hate myself for this.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I cant go home with you Delphine.”

 

Delphine nodded and placed her hands on Cosima's shoulders, “I think I know what you’re going to say… Mon Dieu I’m sorry I know we spent so much time together over Christmas, you probably just want some time for yourself. It’s okay I understand.”

 

Cosima pulled Delphine in close and cupped her cheeks, “What? No! Delphine, listen this Christmas break was the greatest few weeks ever. I mean waking up with you, spending time with you, hell even listening to you humming when you were cooking us dinner or feeling you stroke my hair when we were cuddled up on the couch together, it felt like nothing short of a miracle.” 

 

“It’s okay Cosima, you can tell me if I’m smothering you. I… I just really love spending time with you.”

 

“Me too! God Delphine I love it so much.”

 

Delphine furrowed her brows, “Well then whats wrong? I don't understand.”

 

“I don’t want to tell you. I just want to pretend that this isn't happening. I want to go home with you and just lie down with you in bed, I want to cuddle up in your side and lay my head on your chest and hold you... I just want to forget about everything.”

 

“D’accord. It’s okay Cosima, we can do that, let’s go home.”

 

Cosima shook her head, the tears flowing more freely now, “I can't you’re going to hate me.”

 

“What? No! I could never hate you Cosima, just tell me please.”

 

“I can't be with you anymore.” Cosima sobbed as she spoke.

 

“What?”

 

“You and I, we can't see each other anymore. We cant be friends, we cant… be anything else.”

 

“Que voulez-vous dire?”

 

“Shit please don't speak French, you always resort to French when you're angry… or upset.”

 

“Explain.”

 

“I’m so sorry Delphine.”

 

“That’s not an explanation.”

 

“I just… I miss being with Paul. I love you but I want him.”

 

Delphine bottom lip began to quiver, “Y...You said you hate him, that you broke up with him.”

 

“I just, I miss the familiarity. It was easy with him.”

 

“And what Cosima? It’s too hard with me?”

 

“No I just-“

 

“-were you sleeping with him over break, have you slept with him since the dance?”

 

“No Delphine! Of course not!”

 

“Don't act like that is such a ridiculous question to ask! Don't act hurt Cosima, you don't have any right to act even slightly upset.” Delphine was screaming by this stage.

 

“I was with you practically every day over the break! And for the short time that I wasn’t, we were texting and calling each other constantly.”

 

Delphine's tears fell onto her shirt with no effort left to hold them in, “…You said you could wait, you said you _would_ wait for me.”

 

“I know.”

 

 _Silence_.

 

“Delphine, please say something.”

 

 _Silence_.

 

“Delphine, listen to me, I’m not saying forever. Please just listen to me very carefully, please… I’m _not_ saying forever.”

 

“So what I should just wait for you to stop having fun with Paul? Huh Cosima? Should I just wait until you come running back to me after you’re done with him?”

 

“I know you don't understand Delphine but please, just trust me?”

 

Delphine scoffed, “Trust you? I need to go.”

 

Delphine gathered her bag and coat and began to walk towards the door with Cosima hot on her heels, “No wait Delphine, tell me you understand. Tell me that you wont do anything until graduation.” 

 

“Non Cosima I will do whatever I want. What and who I chose to do is none of your concern anymore d’accord?”

 

“Please don’t. Please.”

 

“I’ll see you on Monday, don't call me or text me…" Delphine rubbed her forehead, a migraine looming from crying so hard, "...I just... I need time to fall out of love with you.”

 

“I’m so sorry Delphine.”

 

Delphine let out a small sad chuckle, “Don’t be, do you know what Cosima? My biggest mistake wasn't falling for you, it was thinking that you had fallen for me too.”

 

With Delphine gone, Cosima let herself fall to the floor, crying and willing this to all be over already.

 

You’re lying if you said you never loved anything to the point of pain

 


	9. I Can't Stop Drinking About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeBYIElpEPo
> 
> Thank you for all of the support <3

**FEBRUARY**

 

Cosima shut off her alarm clock and with a heavy sigh rolled onto her back, she started up at the ceiling. Cosima chanced a glance at the empty space next to her and shook her head in disappointment with the lack of a particular French woman next to her- but what did she expect? She hadn't spoken to Delphine in a month after all?

 

________________________ _____________ _____________

_5 Weeks ago_

 

_Delphine and Cosima lay together in bed, wrapped up in thick PJs and warm blankets, enjoying their last lazy Sunday morning before school was set to resume after the Christmas break._

 

_“Mon amour?” Delphine asked as she lifted her head from Cosima’s chest and gazed into her eyes._

 

_Cosima shifted down the bed until her and Delphine lay face-to-face wrapped up with one another in a tangle of limbs, “Oui?”, Cosima asked stroking Delphine’s cheek gently, smiling widely._

 

_“What do you want for your birthday?” Delphine asked with her adorable puppy dog eyes which Cosima now exclusively associated with Delphine._

 

_“Mmm nothing,” Cosima responded genuinely._

 

_“Cosima I’m not going to not get my girlfriend a gift on her birthday, so tell me, what do you want?”_

 

_“Well… now you mention it…” Cosima teased with a sideway smirk and raised eyebrows as she tenderly kissed Delphine._

 

_Delphine moaned softly as she pulled out of their kiss and with a teasing tone asked, “I’m sorry, did graduation get moved forward to the same date as your birthday?”_

 

_“As a matter of fact, it did.”_

 

_“Mm such a lucky coincidence for you non?”_

 

_“Well, I think you’ll find that it's actually pretty lucky for you too.”_

 

_“Oh is that so?”_

 

_“Yup, trust me, Delphine, I am going to make it the best night of your life,” Cosima replied as she kissed down Delphine’s neck._

 

_Delphine chuckled and playfully pinched Cosima’s hip, “non seriously, what do you want?”_

 

_Cosima pulled back as she looked into those hazel eyes that she adored, “I'm serious Delphine I just want you.”_

 

_“And you can have me, completely, in 4 months, in the meantime what do you want for your birthday?”_

 

_“I just want you. And before you say anything, I don't mean in a sexual way, even though that would be totally amazing... I just want you here with me. I want to wake up with you. I finally have someone who I can to spend my birthday with.”_

 

_“You mean you never celebrated it with anyone else before?”_

 

_“Nope. Well, parents were always the people that organised their kids birthday parties and mine were never here to do that. So I never had a party or presents or anything. On days when my birthday fell on a school day, my class would usually sing happy birthday to me, and Scott's mom always made me a birthday cupcake which was really nice. And on days when it fell on a weekend, I would normally just stay home and read like any other day.”_

 

_Delphine held Cosima's hand and kissed her palm, “I’m so sorry.”_

 

_“Don’t be, because now it doesn't have to be like that. Now I can actually wake up on my birthday wrapped up in my insanely perfect girlfriend's arms, that's all I want Delphine. I just want you.”_

 

_“You have me Cosima, always. I’m going to be right here okay?”_

 

_“Promise?”_

 

_“Oui I promise.”_

_____________________________________________

 

As the tears streamed heavily down Cosima’s cheeks at the thought of her absent soulmate she sat up and went into her bathroom to get ready. _Happy fucking birthday to me!_ She thought bitterly.

 

After Cosima got ready and she made her way to school she knew that there was no way in hell she was going to English this morning.

______ _____________ _____________ _____________ _______

 

As the bell rang and Delphine entered her classroom and took attendance, she didn't need a register to tell her that she was missing one person in particular. No, Cosima’s absence affected Delphine in so many ways, especially now, she felt it physically, as though she was cold and lacking warmth, a warmth that so easily came to her each time Cosima looked at her or touched her, especially when she kissed her. 

 

Delphine was tempted to let it slide, she didn't particularly want to see Cosima today, not after she had broken her promise to be there with her this morning. But against Delphine’s personal judgement, she had let Cosima get away with missing far too many of her lessons and she knew that this had to stop or her grades would surely suffer. 

 

And in truth, Delphine didn't want to let Cosima get away with missing her lessons. Cosima left her. Cosima had chosen not to be with her so why should Cosima be the person who gets to be hurt and angry? This was Cosima’s choice and now she has to live with the consequences. 

 

So, with a new found anger raging deep within her, Delphine greeted her class and told them to talk amongst themselves for a moment. She went and sat down at her desk and fished out a walkie-talkie she had been given at the start of the year for emergencies and truants.  

 

Delphine pressed the outgoing button on her walkie-talkie, “This is Miss Cormier in room 324. I’m missing a student, Cosima Niehaus, she was marked as present in registration but hasn't shown up to my lesson.”

 

After a pregnant pause a distinctive voice spoke back, “Hi Delphine, it’s Siobhan. I’ll go and find Cosima and bring her back to English.”

 

Delphine felt her gut twist in apprehension, “Merci Siobhan, see you soon.”

 

As Delphine carried on with her lesson, Siobhan traced the school looking everywhere for Cosima. Lucky S knew her well and found her in the second place she looked after the science labs. S finally found her smoking a joint under the bleachers on the football field. 

 

S walked over to the brunette, “Cosima.”

 

“Oh hey S, you want a hit?”

 

“No Cosima, and I think you’ve had enough for now.” S took the joint and stubbed it out on the bench that she and Cosima now sat on. “What are you doing Cosima?”

 

“It’s my 18th birthday today S. I’m officially an adult,” Cosima said with indifference.

 

“Well, happy birthday, I assume that the weed is your idea of celebrating.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Mhm I’ve been sent to take you back to English.”

 

“Ah Frenchie ratted me out did she?”

 

“Yep. How are you feeling?” S asked placing her hand on Cosima's forehead.

 

 _Empty._ “Never better.”

 

“Really? You don't feel sick or light headed?”

 

Cosima chuckled “no S, I smoke weed a lot, like _a lot_ , I’m fine honestly. It just calms me down.”

 

“Okay well then let’s get you back to English.”

 

“Do I have to?”

 

“I’m afraid so. If I don't bring you back _Frenchie_ may write you up.”

 

“Please, S, I can't face going to English right now.”

 

“I know you’re a good student Cosima and you don't need stupid things like truanting on your record.”

 

“Ugh fine.”

 

“Good c’mon love.” 

 

S pulled Cosima up from the bench and they began the journey back to Delphine’s classroom.

 

“What’s going on with you Cosima?”

 

“Nothing, I'm fine.”

 

“No Cosima you’re not. I’m not going to force you to tell me, but just know I’m here okay?”

 

After a brief pause, Cosima turned to Mrs S, “…S?”

 

“Yes, love?”

 

“Hypothetically… what would you do if you hurt someone you really care about- but you did it to protect them and they just don't know it yet.”

 

“Well, I would tell them why I hurt them, tell them that I did it to protect them.”

 

“What if you couldn't tell them the reason?”

 

“Then I would hope that deep down they knew the reasons behind my decision was made out of love.”

 

“God I hope that too,” Cosima sighed.

 

“Do you want to elaborate on the specifics of this hypothetical scenario that we both know is about you and someone else?”

 

Cosima sniffled, “I can’t… I can’t even think about it without crying.” 

 

S wrapped her arm around Cosima’s shoulder and held her tight as they continued their journey to English, “listen Cosima. I’m guessing you hurt someone you care about right?”

 

Cosima nodded.

 

“Well then, don't you think you owe it to them to be honest about why you hurt them?”

 

“I would if I could S but she… I know she would… let's just say that it's in her best interest not to know for a while.”

 

“Okay, I trust your judgement… and it's a she now is it?” S smiled with a teasing tone.

 

Cosima chuckled, “Yeah… a really smart, beautiful, caring she.”

 

Finally, the pair stopped outside of Delphine’s classroom “Time to face the music kiddo.”

 

“On a scale on 1-10, how pissed did Miss Cormier sound when she asked you to find me?”

 

“11.”

 

“Holy watershed. Can’t you just say you couldn’t find me?”

 

“Nope, anyway I thought you loved Miss Cormier's lessons?”

 

 _You have no idea,_ “yeah I do, it’s just… Paul… yeah, Paul’s in there and we’re…”

 

“Let me guess, he’s no _she_.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Well the longer you leave it, the harder it's going to get.”

 

“Yeah you’re right, thank you S, for everything.”

 

“Of course sweetheart, I’m always here for a chat anytime. Just remember what I said okay? If she loves you as much as you love her then she’ll understand.”

 

Cosima raised her eyebrow, “I didn't say I love her.”

 

“Nope but the smile on your face when you spoke about her did.”

 

Cosima playfully rolled her eyes, “Jheez S go and being all poetic and shit somewhere else.”

 

S laughed, “Okay now go.”

 

Cosima pushed her glasses up her nose and exhaled slowly before swinging the door open and walking into the classroom. 

 

Delphine turned around immediately and spat, “Non wait outside Cosima.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You heard me, I said wait outside.”

 

“You’re the one who ratted me out for ditching. If you wanted me here so badly then why the fuck are you sending me out?”

 

“I’m not arguing with you Cosima. Outside now.”

 

With an exasperated sigh, Cosima marched out of Delphine’s classroom and stood against the wall next to the door. A few minutes later Delphine came out and shut the door behind her.

 

“I’m not going to tolerate you ditching anymore of my lesson Cosima d’accord?”

 

Cosima scoffed, “I'm sorry, tolerate? You didn't seem to mind me ditching after London when I skipped a months worth of your lessons just because it suited you.”

 

“You’re right that was my mistake. But no more Cosima, I expect you to attend every lesson from now until graduation.”

 

“Or what Delphine? You’ll send S after me again? Write me up? Fail me?”

 

“It's Miss Cormier, Cosima, not Delphine.”

 

“Wow okay.” Cosima rubbed her temples.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means that I don’t even recognise you right now,” Cosima screamed through a whisper.

 

“Good. You’re not supposed to _recognise_ me Cosima, I am your teacher nothing more.”

 

“Jesus, who are you?! This cold, detached person is not the Delphine I know, you're not the Delphine that I…”

 

“That you what Cosima?”

 

“Never mind.”

 

“Bon. You need to grow up Cosima. Stop throwing tantrums like a child! Come to my lessons, preferably not high, and do your goddamn work.”

 

Cosima chuckled sadly. 

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Really? You don't see the irony in what you just said? Don’t you think that I would do anything to be older Delphine? Don't you think I would do anything so that I wasn't your student.”

 

With a guilty sigh, Delphine replied, “That’s not what I meant Cosima.”

 

“Yeah I know. I’ll start coming to your lessons, clear-headed. I’m sorry for the grief I’ve caused you, Miss Cormier. Can we go inside now please?”

 

Delphine nodded, “Yes, Cosima.” 

  

As Cosima walked ahead and entered the classroom, Delphine could hear a roar of _‘happy birthday’_ echo from within her classroom.

 

As Delphine hung back, she leant against the corridor wall, hunched over in tears, grabbing her stomach. _I’m so sorry mon amour you have no idea how much I wanted to be there this morning,_ she thought to herself.

 

After taking a minute to compose herself Delphine entered her classroom once again. 

 

Before long Delphine was forced to draw her attention back to her class when she heard Sarah calling for her, “Miss C I’m really struggling to write my poem. I want to write one that's short and real you know? None of this rhyming couplets shit.”

 

“Oui Sarah, I know the type that you mean. Have you looked up some examples online.”

 

“Yeah I have but they're all pretentious and over dramatic. I just want to write one that's not trying so hard to be all meaningful. Haven't you got one that you've written that you can share with us.”

 

“Non Sarah, poems are personal, as are mine.“

 

“Oh c’mon Miss C please, us lot aren't gonna judge you. I’m really stuck here.”

 

“Merde fine, I have one.” _This is such a bad idea Delphine, what are you doing?_

 

“Yes! Thanks, Miss C.”

 

“No judgements okay, from anyone, I expect you to respect my poetry just like I respect all of yours d’accrord?”

 

The class answered in unison with an excited “oui”. 

 

Delphine opened up her notebook and leant against the front of her desk, _Listen up Cosima, this is one I wrote for you_ … “okay this is a poem I wrote called ‘Things I never got to tell you’…”

 

Delphine cleared her throat and chanced a glance at the brunette who was looking at her with a broken smile before looking back to her poem.

 

 “… _It's sad when someone can walk right past you and pretend that you were never a big part of their life. It is hard to adjust to this reality of looking at you and seeing a stranger once again_.”

 

Delphine looked up to see Cosima pretending to adjust her glasses, a trick Delphine knew all too well that Cosima was using to wipe away her tears. With a new found guilt and sadness washing over her, Delphine retreated to her desk where she remained until the end of her lesson.

 

As the bell rang Delphine spoke for the first time since she read her poem, “Cosima…”

 

Cosima turned to face Delphine as the rest of her class filtered out of the room, “Hm.”

 

As the last student, Paul left realising that Cosima wasn't following behind anytime soon, he let the door close behind him, “I’m sorry, for everything really. I’m sorry that I lost my temper earlier and mainly I’m sorry that I let you down this morning. I would have been with you if we were still together you know that right?”

 

Cosima felt her chest tighten, “It’s not your fault, it was my choice.”

 

Delphine nodded in understanding, “Do you hate me?”

 

“No, I don’t hate you, Delphine, I just hate that I can't have you.”

 

Delphine looked at the brunette with wide eyes, “Cosima, you left me. Well, I mean we were never… Mon dieu.”

 

“We were never what Delphine?”

 

“We were never even together Cosima! All you had to do was wait. Just wait for me and you couldn't do that. You couldn't respect the fact that I’m your teacher, that I could lose my job, my career if anyone knew about us.”

 

“Jesus Christ! You have no idea what you're even talking about! I know better than anyone the risk you run by being with me. Why do you think I- ugh forget it!”

 

“Non, I don't know what I’m talking about? Really? Because last time I checked we were planning on being together, planning a life together after graduation and the next thing I know your back with him without so much as a warning. I had to stand with the rest of the teachers and watch you walk into that dance with his hands all over you and pretend that I wasn't falling to pieces inside! I had to watch him try and touch you and kiss you and hold you and pretend that my heart wasn't breaking Cosima! And then after all that shit we said to each other at the dance, after we spent all that together over the Christmas break you ran back to him as soon as we came back to school! We were so nearly together Cosima, a few months and we could have been together without all of the sneaking around and hiding.”

 

“...I am sorry Delphine please just believe that at least. Tell me that you believe that.”

 

“Non Cosima I don’t. I think you knew exactly what you were doing. All I was to you was a way to indulge in a forbidden fantasy and as soon as it became real you ran. As soon as you knew that I was in so deep and that I cared for you so much you left because it wasn't fun anymore.”

 

“You were never just a fantasy to me Delphine, I’m sorry you believe that… I’m going to go.”

 

“Fine… wait Cosima…. ”

 

Cosima spun around to face Delphine, “What Del- Miss Cormier?”

 

Delphine opened her draw and pulled out a small, immaculately wrapped present. She handed it to the brunette, “Happy birthday Cosima. I bought it last month when we were… there's a card inside that I wrote at the time- just throw it in the trash, it's not going to mean much now.”

 

“Thank you. I’ll see you Monday.”

 

Cosima turned around and left, as she walked up the corridor to a classroom she knew would be empty this period, she could hear the faint cries of Delphine echoing in the corridor. Cosima had to clench her fists so that she wouldn't turn around and go back to Delphine. She wanted nothing more than to go and grab the blonde and pull her into a tight embrace, she wanted to kiss away every tear that stained her cheeks, but of course she couldn’t. 

 

As Cosima entered the empty classroom, she sat her rucksack down next to her and tore open Delphine’s gift. When all of the wrapping had been removed Cosima held in her hand a book. Once turning the book over to see the front cover it read ‘On the Origin of Species’, Cosima let out a small chuckled as she opened the front cover. 

 

 _HOLY SHIT IT’S A FIRST EDITION!_ Cosima’s mind screamed. 

 

For the first time in Cosima’s life, she was genuinely speechless. Delphine had bought her a first edition of her favourite book. One that she knew Cosima would love. Delphine had given her the most thoughtful present she could, and Cosima wanted nothing more than to run back to her classroom and thank her until she no longer had any breath left to give. 

 

As tears of joy escaped Cosima’s eyes, amongst the wrapping paper she saw a card with Delphine’s distinctive handwriting on it. She paused, considering what Delphine had told her to do with it, before deciding _screw it_ and she picked it up anyway.

 

It read: 

 

_Mon Amour,_

_Bon anniversaire!_

 

_I know you said that you only wanted me as your present, well look to the left, I’m right here next to you, cuddling you, watching you open this present. I hope that you love it as much as I love you, even though I know that no one will ever love anything as much as I love you, I still hope you like it very much._

 

_I want to tell you something- I want you to have this written down, so that whenever your upset or angry or annoyed at me because I’ve no doubt pronounced an English word wrong, I want you to have a written testament that you can look at so that you know how loved you are and hopefully it will make you smile._

 

_Cosima Niehaus, you are without a doubt the most cheeky, confident, intelligent and beautiful person I have ever met. I’ll admit that ever since I first saw you I was completely enamoured by you. But of course, I never thought that I could do anything about it no matter how much I wanted to. And then one day at a poetry reading you came stumbling into my life, well my seat to be more precise and ever since that day I have only gotten to know you better. I’ve gotten to know your interests, your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and in return you have gotten to know mine. We became friends so quickly and ever since that first day when I walked you home, I knew that I never wanted to leave your side again. And despite a few very ‘minor’ bumps in the road I never have and I know now beyond any doubt that I never will. I cannot wait for graduation Cosima, I cannot wait for my life with you to begin. I know that waiting has been hard, for both of us, but I promise you that I will spend every day from now until forever doing my best to make up for lost time._

 

_Cosima, I’ve seen you at your worst and I still think you’re the best. I want you, only you eternally._

 

_J’taime mon Cosima, always._

_Delphine X_

 

Cosima sobbed outwardly, placing a kiss on the note before tucking it away safely in her book. Cosima stood up and made her way for the exit. Suddenly feeling as though she wanted nothing more than to be alone at home right now reading her new favourite book. 

 

She could handle a few truanting write ups after all. 

 

_______________________________ __________ _

 

Later that evening, Cosima was pulled from her nap by several text notifications, one after the other.

 

Cosima fumbled around the coffee table, still half asleep, for the culprit that had woken her. 

 

When Cosima finally locates her phone, she squints at the screen and see’s that it's already 10 PM, she had quite literally slept for the majority of her birthday. 

 

Cosima opens the 4 unread messages, her heart drops as she sees that are all from Delphine:

 

**D: You should be here.**

 

**D: With me.**

 

**D: I would sleep better tonight with you next to me.**

 

**D: Cosima, bébé?**

 

With an audible gulp Cosima replied carefully:

 

**C: Delphine? Have you been drinking?**

 

**D: So what if I have? It's not as if you care :(**

 

**C: Where are you, Delphine?**

 

**D: Why are you going to come and rescue me again? ;)**

 

Cosima sighed frustratedly. She couldn't bare the thought of Delphine alone and vulnerable somewhere where anything could happen to her.

 

**C: Where are you?**

 

**D: Guess…**

 

**C: For fuck sake Delphine!**

 

**D: You should come and join me, you can buy me a drink with your real ID. And then we can dance together and then you can take me home with you…**

 

Cosima could feel the sweat begin to form on her forehead. _She doesn't mean it, she's drunk._

 

**C: You shouldn't talk when you’re drunk- just tell me where you are.**

 

**D: Why? I thought you would want to hear me talk… especially about the red lace underwear I'm wearing right now, you know I bought them just for you :P**

_Fuck does she have any idea what she's saying?!_

 

**C: Delphine don’t. I think I have an idea where you are- stay there. I mean it.**

 

**D: Okay mon amour, I’ll be waiting ;)**

 

Cosima called a cab and took it to a bar not too far from Delphine’s house, she knew the blonde loved this place. 

 

Cosima jumped out the cab and told the driver to wait for her while she picks up a friend for him to take home. 

 

After showing her ID to the doorman, Cosima entered the bar and found Delphine slumped over the bar passed out. 

 

Cosima ran over to the blonde and cupped her face in her hands, “Delphine, Delphine, open your eyes and look at me.”

 

Delphine opened her eyes and stroked Cosima’s face, “Bonjour mon amour.”

 

“C’mon Delphine lets get you home.”

 

Cosima grabbed a bottle of water from behind the bar and began to walk Delphine outside. 

 

Delphine, suddenly sobering at the realisation of her current situation, turned to Cosima and asked, “Do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?”

 

“No Delphine I don’t! Do you think it's easy for me to be with someone else?”

 

“Clearly! Because you chose him over me!”

 

Cosima turned to face Delphine as the taxi driver got out of the vehicle to open the door for them, “Is that what you think?”

 

“What else am I meant to think Cosima?”

 

“You're supposed to trust me, Delphine!”

 

“How can I when you left me?”

 

Cosima turned Delphine so that she was facing her fully. Cosima tucked a stray curl behind Delphine ear as she softly said, “Delphine… I need you to trust me, please. I know that you’re hurt and angry because I am too, but I need you to just be patient.”

 

Before Delphine had a chance to respond, Cosima was ushering Delphine into a cab and giving the driver the blondes address and money for the fare. 

 

As the cab pulled away, Delphine looked back out of the rear window to see Cosima watching her go. The blonde leant her head against the window of the cab and couldn't help but think that it’s not the goodbyes that hurt - it's the flashbacks that follow.


	10. Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9omSmQYVRSQ

**MARCH**

 

The pain was getting easier to deal with. Not so much in the sense that Cosima or Delphine was getting over their breakup and moving on, no, more so that both women were numb and no longer able to process the pain the way they once had.

 

Since that fateful night in the bar, Delphine couldn't even bring herself to look at Cosima for 2 main reasons, one because of her embarrassment at letting Cosima see her at her weakest and the other half stemmed from her uncontrolled jealous outburst. But true to her word Cosima had been attending every English lesson and doing her work, things seem to have resorted to their natural order as they once were in early September. And both women were happy to play along and pretend that they weren't crying after each lesson, which of course they were. 

 

Either way Cosima was glad to have Delphine act distant, in a way she could pretend that she was just another student, until that is, when Delphine called her name in the register or swiftly glanced in her direction or did just about anything to alert Cosima to her presence and then Cosima would be a puddle of misguided sadness and guilt once again. 

 

To Cosima’s relief, Paul was also distant, outside of school that was. When they weren't pretending to be the hottest couple in school, Paul would leave Cosima alone, finally understanding that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. 

 

But today was different. Today was the day that Cosima would risk everything in order to show Delphine that she still cared, today Cosima would read Delphine her poem that she had written for her final exam. Cosima knew that Paul wouldn't mind if she read a poem that she had written for Delphine, it was just a poem after all and she had kept her word and stayed away from Delphine as much as she could.

 

When the bell finally rang Cosima made her way to English accompanied by Scott. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and her eyes swell with tears for what was to come. What would be worse Cosima wondered, for Delphine to hate her poem and ignore its message, or for her to love it and want to reconcile? Finally, she decided on both options being as realistic and devastating as the other. Cosima did not want Delphine to think that she no longer loved her, but she also knew that a reconciliation would be impossible for another month. Either way, she would lose, but with the image of Delphine in her arms, holding her hand, kissing her playing on a loop behind her eyelids, she knew that she had everything to gain by being honest with her, either way, Delphine will know how she felt and how deeply Cosima loved her. 

 

When Cosima and Scott reached their classroom, they hurried in noticing they were the last to arrive. They took their seats and waited for their favorite teacher to arrive. 

 

Not one minute later, Delphine glided into her classroom in an effortless perfection that always made Cosima swoon. After placing her bag on her desk she turned to her glass and greeted them all.

 

“Bonjour class,” Delphine smiled.

 

The class all ended their conversations immediately and replied with an excited, “bonjour Miss Cormier.”

 

“As you all know the time has arrived for your final assessments, and if you didn't know that then what the hell have you been doing for the past 7 months?”

 

The class all laughed and Cosima felt her heart rate increase, it was almost time.

 

“We’ll go around the room clockwise and you’ll all take it in turns to read your poems. I want you to introduce your poem and then read it for us. Don’t mind me, I’ll be sitting here listening and making a few notes so that I can reference them when I write you grades up later this evening.”

 

 _Great, just fucking great. Of course, my fucking seat would be nearest the fucking window, now I have to go fucking last to read my fucking poem. Fuck,_ Cosima thought.

 

At that moment Cosima lost her nerve and pulled out her back up poem from her notebook. Cosima couldn't do it, she couldn't tell Delphine how she felt. What if Delphine had moved on, what if Delphine didn't still love her or even care about her? Cosima had decided to recite her other poem she had written about nature, entitled the Golden Ratio. There was no thought or feeling behind it, just a sequence of words that resembled a pattern, it was emotionless and everything wrong with poetry. Delphine would hate it.

 

Delphine took her seat at her desk with her notebook out in front of her ready to make notes. She began on the left-hand side of the room with Sarah. 

 

As Delphine made her way around the room, student by student, she graded them based on effort and structure. Most of her students had done extremely well and she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride knowing that she took a class full of 12th graders who knew, in her opinion, next to nothing about poetry, and now only a short time later thanks to her teaching, they are all producing excellent poems. 

 

In all honesty, Delphine hadn't thought much about Cosima or her poem. And in all honesty, this was a complete lie. In actual fact, Delphine had thought of nothing but Cosima. Delphine had thought about the memories they had made together, she reminisced about the way Cosima would hold her and kiss her, she thought back to the way Cosima smelt and how on rare occasions Delphine could still smell Cosima's scent in her apartment on her bedsheets. She thought about Cosima's smile and she swore that on some nights when she was alone and missing her love, she thought she could hear her laugh carried in the wind all the way to her. She thought about Cosima, a lot. And then without consent, her mind thought about how Cosima was probably lying in bed next to Paul at that exact moment and on times like this she would smoke Cosima’s joint that she had left there one Friday afternoon and let herself be taken away to a blissful fantasy where Cosima was still hers and she was Cosima’s in return and everything was how it should be.

 

After Paul’s poem, which if Delphine was being honest was outstanding and most defiantly the best in the class, it was Cosima’s turn.

 

Delphine made note of Paul's merits, “Merci Paul, Cosima.”

 

Cosima stood from her seat, she was sweating, her hands were shaking, her knees were weak, she briefly wondered if this is what a genuine heart attack felt like or merely whether this is what the heart felt like when in love. Cosima tried to open her mouth to speak but instead she was met with silence. It was as though her body was disjointed from her brain and she couldn't function as a rational person... and then she decided that this is most defiantly what it felt like to be in love. When you're in love you lose all rational capabilities because you are no longer a rational being. You become quite frankly, a raving lunatic. Because you know that there is nothing you wouldn't do for the person you love, there is nothing that Cosima wouldn't do for Delphine and that's when she decided that S was right. Cosima loves Delphine and she does deserve the truth, even though the truth will hurt, Cosima will give everything she has to Delphine, including her honesty. 

 

Cosima smiled, for the first time in months she smiled genuinely, she loves Delphine and in that moment she knew everything will be okay for that exact reason.

 

Cosima chuckled softly, “Okay so what can I say about my poem? I mean it's not eloquent or sophisticated, kinda like me I guess. I’m no Shakespeare, Poe, Cummings or Cormier, but it's real. I mean every single word of it. I just… I don't know- this is everything I’ve wanted to say but couldn’t until now.”

 

Cosima scrunched up the 'Golden Ratio' poem that she had written and rummaged around in her bag for a folded piece of paper, “I wrote two poems, one I never intended to read, it was more for therapeutic purposes, but now I think it would be more therapeutic for me to share. Don't like read anything to it m’kay, all I did was take inspiration from my idol, someone who has meant more to me in a short while than anyone else has ever.”

 

Cosima cleared her throat and looked briefly at Delphine before retiring her gaze to her poem.

 

 _“_ _I hate the way you talk to me_

_And the way you curl your hair,_

_I hate the way you’re a little older_

_I hate it when you stare_

 

_I hate your big dumb stiletto heels_

_And the way you read my mind_

_I hate you so much that it makes me sick_ _  
_ _It even makes me rhyme_

 

_I hate the way you're always right_

_I hate it when you lie_

_I hate it when you make me laugh_ _  
_ _Even worse when you make me cry_

 

_I hate the way you're not around_

_And the fact that you didn't call_

_But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you_

_Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all_ _.”_

 

Cosima breathed a sigh of relief and ran into the corridors in tears. It was out, the truth about how Cosima felt was finally out and the ball was finally in Delphine’s court.

 

Delphine wrote her notes in her book, her hands were trembling as she bit her lip to stop her tears in front of her class. A moment later she congratulated her class on their hard work and as a reward (and an excuse) dismissed them 15 minutes early, not that they minded in the slightest. 

 

As the class left, Delphine walked into empty corridor.

 

Delphine turned her head around the corner and saw Cosima sitting on the floor, against the wall with her head in her lap, “Cosima?”

 

Cosima’s head shot up, “I’m sorry I know that was inappropriate.”

 

“Mhm, it was.”

 

Cosima sniffled, “I'll come back inside in a second, I just need to be alone for a minute.”

 

Delphine looked at the sunken girl beneath her and decided that she needed answers. Once and for all she needed to know what she was to Cosima. Delphine bent down and pulled Cosima up by her elbow and guided her back into her now empty classroom. 

 

“Please, Miss Cormier I just need a minute.”

 

With the entire school still busy in class and not a soul to be seen anywhere, Delphine shut her door behind them and leaned against her desk, “I don't understand you Cosima.”

 

“What? Where is everyone?”

 

“I dismissed them. I don't understand why you came to help me in the bar or you wrote that poem, you broke up with me. You chose to leave me to be with Paul and yet you’re acting like you’re still in love with me.” 

 

Cosima fidgeted with the assortment of rings on her fingers, “I…Do you remember at the dance when I asked you if you hated me and you told me that you could never hate me, you told me that you still loved me, that you couldn't just flip a switch and change your feelings for me?”

 

Delphine nodded, “I remember.”

 

“After London, you didn't speak to me for a month even though you still loved me, you still kept away, why?”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“In that month after London when we didn't speak, were you still in love with me?”

 

“Cosima I…”

 

“I’m trying to explain something… just answer the question, did you still love me in the time that we weren’t together?” 

 

“Oui.”

 

“Then why did you stay away from me? Why did you keep away if you still loved me for practically the whole of November?”

 

“Je ne sas pas Cosima.”

 

“Yes, you do Delphine tell me.”

 

Delphine shook her head, her hands flying through the air, “I guess I was trying to respect your boundaries. You told me that you couldn't wait and I was trying to give us time apart so that it was easier for both of us.”

 

“Was it easy to stay away from me?”

 

“What?”

 

“Was it easy for you to keep away from me even though you still loved me?”

 

“Non Cosima, like I told you at the dance, it wasn't easy, it hurt. It hurt so much that at nights I would lay awake with an ache in my chest that wouldn't cease, whether I thought about you or did everything I could not to think about you, the pain was always there.”

 

“I know Delphine... I love you.”

 

“Don’t Cosima.”

 

“Don’t what?”

 

“I can't keep doing this with you.”

 

“Doing what? Our relationship?”

 

“What relationship Cosima? There is no relationship, you made sure of that.”

 

Cosima bit her lip, “…I read your note, the one from my birthday.”

 

Delphine's eyes went wide, “Why? I told you to throw it away!”

 

“You said you were mine eternally Delphine. You promised me forever.”

 

Delphine brought her hand up to her forehead, “I know what I said Cosima, I wasn't the one who made me break my promise, that was all down to you.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

 

“I know, I meant what I said Delphine, about trusting me.”

 

“Cosima please, I’m too exhausted to have to deal with all of your cryptic messages.”

 

“It’s not cryptic Delphine. I mean just trust me. Trust that I love you.”

 

“What has any of this got to do with November?”

 

“You have no idea how much I want to tell you.”

 

“Then tell me!” Delphine snapped.

 

Cosima shook her head, “You also have no idea how much I can't tell you.”

 

“What does that even mean Cosima?”

 

“It means that I broke up with you for a reason, a reason that I’ll explain to you at graduation. But this time that we’ve been apart, these past 3 months have been the worst months of my life, and even though we haven't been together I have never stopped loving you- just like you never stopped loving me back in November when we weren't together.”

 

“Non I don't want to hear your explanation. I don't want to hear about how you broke up with me so that you can sleep with Paul.”

 

“I haven't slept with Paul since August!”

 

“Don’t lie Cosima. Really, I’d rather you just didn't say anything at all.”

 

“I’m not lying about this Delphine. I haven't had sex with Paul since summer. Listen, I know I’ve lied to you a lot lately but-”

 

“-Lied about what?!”

 

“Fuck Delphine, please don't make me lie to you again.”

 

“So stop lying and just tell me the truth like you promised me you would the first night I walked you home.”

 

Cosima paused and then took a gentle step towards Delphine, “You remember that?”

 

“Of course I remember that Cosima! I remember every second that I spend with you. That night, you promised me that you would never lie to me.”

 

Cosima chuckled softly, “ _Again_ that was about a power cut.”

 

Delphine smiled in return, “And _again_ , the principle still stands.”

 

Cosima looked at Delphine, “Okay, you're right.”

 

“ _Okay_ as in you’re going to tell me the truth about whatever it is that you’re hiding.”

 

“Yeah but Delphine I need you to stay calm okay?”

 

Delphine stood from the desk and took a step towards Cosima, “Why wouldn't I?”

 

“Delphine please.”

 

“D’accord, oui I promise.”

 

“I also need you to promise me that what I’m going to tell you is going to stay between us until graduation and then you can do whatever you want.”

 

“What has this secret got to do with graduation.”

 

“It involves Paul. He’s… I know you’re going to want to kill him Delphine but then all of this would have been for nothing. I need you to pretend that you’re still just my teacher and that you don't know what I’m about to tell you.” 

 

“Okay…”

 

“I lied about wanting Paul, about not wanting to be with you, and about it being my decision to leave you!”

 

Delphine licked her lips, “Go on...”

 

Cosima exhaled slowly, “Paul knows about us. He has pictures of us from the dance and he told me that his dad would destroy your career if I didn't end things with you and agree to be his girlfriend until we graduate.”

 

“What?”

 

“It wasn't my choice to leave you Delphine. There was no choice… I didn't have a choice, you would have lost your career and it would have been my fault.”

 

Delphine fell over her words, “S-s…So you chose to break up with me and go back to Paul so that I wouldn't lose my job?”

 

“Yes!” Cosima exclaimed. Finally!

 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Delphine's eyes became cloudy with tears. 

 

“What would you have done Delphine, tell me, what would you have had me do?”

 

“I would never have asked you to go back to him for me. Yes I love my job, it makes me happy, but you are my priority Cosima. I would have talked to Paul- explained that we haven't done anything other than kiss-“

 

“-that wouldn't have mattered Delphine! Paul would have made sure that you were ruined. You talking to him would have only made him more angry and more prone to have you fired. I knew that you would probably lose you temper with him and then it would have been for nothing. All of our arguments and sneaking around would have been for nothing.”

 

“So this whole time… since January you’ve been with him to protect me?”

 

“Yes. I hate him Delphine, I hate him so fucking much but I couldn't risk you losing your job because I was careless enough to let us get caught. _I_ led you to the balcony, _I_ was only thinking about you and me, about wanting to be with you, I just missed you so much since London.”

 

Delphine moved closer until there was no room left between them, Delphine placed her hands in Cosima's, “It wasn't your fault, it was mine.”

 

“Well… at least now you know.”

 

“Cosima, look at me, I’m so sorry.”

 

Cosima looked up at Delphine, “Its okay you didn't know.”

 

“Non but when you told me to trust you I should have. I should have known something was wrong.”

 

“I was going to tell you after graduation. I was going to tell you everything with the hope that you didn't hate me. I just needed you to wait until he wasn't part of the equation anymore.”

 

Delphine pulled Cosima into a tight embrace, one which Cosima reciprocated immediately. Both women hugged one another as though they never wanted to let go, “I could never hate you Cosima.”

 

“Really?”

 

Delphine nodded her head into the crook of Cosima's neck, “Really.”

 

Cosima pulled back and gazed into Delphine's eyes before stretching up and cupping Delphine's cheeks in her quaking hands, pulling her down into a tender kiss.

 

After a perfect kiss, Cosima pulled away and rested her forehead against Delphine's, “I love you.”

 

Delphine sniffled with tears of joy, her teardrops mingling with Cosima's own, “J’taime aussi.”

 

“Does that mean that you’ll be my girlfriend again?”

 

“Well, are you going to stop lying to me even if you think its best for me?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Delphine smiled widely, “Then yes Cosima I will be your girlfriend again, and will you be mine also?”

 

“Yep. Obvs. Absolutely. Completely. One hundred percent. You betcha.”

 

Delphine laughed gently, “Good because I’ve missed you.”

 

“Ditto, but on a more serious note…”

 

Delphine stroked Cosima's cheek, “Oui?”

 

“Did you like my poem?”

 

Delphine laughed more loudly this time, “Yes Cosima, it was beautiful, especially the part about my big dumb stiletto heels and your hatred for my curly hair.”

 

“Mhm I thought you would like that part.”

 

Delphine smacked Cosima's hip playfully, “Brat.”

 

Cosima stuck her tounge out, “Absolutely, but I’m your brat.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“I swear on Darwin.”

 

Delphine smirked, “Mmm okay, that's a very solid promise indeed.”

 

“I mean it Delphine, Paul and I… we haven’t…. there has been no one else but you since you came here.”

 

Delphine looked into Cosima's eyes, “I know, I trust you.”

 

“Good. Now I need you to trust me again.”

 

Delphine felt her breath hitch, “With what?”

 

“You know I still need to pretend to be his girlfriend right?”

 

“Non Cosima.”

 

“Yes Delphine.”

 

“Non.”

 

“Oui.”

 

“Cosima-“

 

“Listen Delphine, it's just another month, well less than. After all of this misery we have been through over the past few months we have to see this through until the end.”

 

“But you hate him. I won't ask you to do that for me.”

 

“Good because you’re not asking. The hardest thing about this wasn't pretending to be his girlfriend Delphine, it was having to act as though I didn't want to be yours. But now you know the truth. You know that I’m not his, you know that there is nothing going on and that in a few short weeks I will be all yours.” 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Completely. 3 and a half weeks Delphine, that's all we have left to wait.”

 

“Oui, 3 and a half weeks until I let a cheeky American move in with me. God help me.”

 

Cosima looked at Delphine with a raised eyebrow, “Wait you still want me to move in with you?”

 

“Of course, why wouldn't I?”

 

“I thought you'd be like ridiculously pissed off and want to like take things really slow.”

 

“Mmm nope, unless that is what you want-“

 

“-NO!”

 

Delphine chuckled, “bon it's settled then, our plans that we made at the dance are still in place.”

 

“Ahhhh I can't wait,” Cosima jumped up and down in Delphine's arms.

 

Delphine gently kissed her excited girlfriend with a smile, “Me either, mon amour.”

 


	11. All The Small Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry I know it's been a week or so since I updated but I've had some issues to deal with in the real world. So hopefully you'll forgive me (especially ATPredox who I promised I would update yesterday, sorry buddy). But considering that this chapter is ridiculously long and very fluffy I hope that makes up for the delay, enjoy :) 
> 
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ht5RZpzPqw

**APRIL**

 

Today was graduation day and Delphine had insisted that Cosima spent the previous night with her so that they can wake up together on this most important of days.

 

1 very long month of stolen moments and quick glances and the occasional date or two and the time was finally here. Of course, Delphine and Cosima couldn't be as obviously close as they had been before January, Paul was never far from their minds and the fact that he could be watching. But that didn't change either women's feelings for one another, in fact, it just made the time they spent together even more special. They fell into their old routines of late night phone calls and FaceTime sessions, of volunteering with one another at Susan’s youth centre and touring the city together every now and then. Everything was just easy when it was the two of them, simple and perfect as it should have always been.

 

The only arguments the women had in the past month all stemmed from where Cosima would attend college after the summer was over, they didn't fight over Paul or boundaries, petty things like this just didn't seem to matter anymore. It was inevitable, of course, that Cosima was going to leave. And although Delphine wanted to be selfish and tell Cosima to stay she knew that she couldn't, that it wouldn't be fair to either of them, so instead Delphine pleaded with Cosima to come with her. But each time Delphine asked Cosima shot her down telling her that she wouldn't let Delphine uproot her life again to follow her where ever she chose to study for the next 4 years. And that was just the problem, Cosima had applied to 4 schools all over the world. She applied for schools in England, Australia and New Zealand, the closest school she had applied for was San Fransisco which was still a plane journey away from Delphine. On nights when Delphine was alone and thinking of the upcoming fall, all she could do was cry and pray that long distance could work, would work for them because she had only just gotten Cosima back and she was certain that she wasn’t going to lose her again.

 

But right now, in this moment, Delphine was lying in bed with Cosima resting on her chest cuddling her. After watching the brunette sleep for a while, Delphine ever so carefully slipped out of bed and retreated into the kitchen. When Delphine returned she sat in the middle of the bed and gently stroked Cosima’s back, “Mon amour, wake up.”

 

“No,” Cosima sleepily muffled into her pillow.

 

Delphine shook her sleeping brunette a little harder, “Cosimaaa, open your eyes.”

 

“Noooo Delphine,” Cosima persisted.

 

Delphine chuckled, “Cosima Niehaus mon dieu!”

 

“Wha-“

 

When Cosima rolled over in bed to face Delphine, she saw the blonde sitting in the middle of the bed with Cosima's favourite chocolate cupcake and a lit candle sitting in the centre of it, “Happy birthday mon coeur.”

 

Cosima sat up with a sleepy smile and straddled Delphine so that she was sitting the blonde's lap, “Delphine my birthday was like 3 months ago, what's this for?”

 

“Ever since I broke my promise to be here with you on your birthday it has been killing me. I know that we weren't together and we couldn’t help it but I wanted to be there with you so much Cosima, I cried when I woke up alone on your birthday and I imagine you felt the same. I wanted to be the first person you saw and I wanted to kiss you good morning and tell you that I love you very much. And since today is graduation day and the beginning of our lives together I wanted to start by fixing my broken promise and to make you a new promise that I will be lying right here next to you for every single one of your birthdays, even if you are in another country at college, we’ll make it work.”

 

Cosima kissed Delphine's cheek sweetly, “You’re adorable do you know that?”

 

Delphine held the cupcake up to Cosima’s face, “Oui, now make a wish.”

 

Cosima softly shook her head and cupped Delphine’s cheeks in her palms, “I already have everything I want.” 

 

“Okay, then I’ll make a wish,” before Cosima could protest Delphine shut her eyes tight and blew out the candle on Cosima’s birthday cupcake. 

 

Cosima playfully slapped Delphine’s hip, “Hey! Wish thief! What did you wish for?”

 

“I can't tell you that otherwise, it won't come true.”

 

Cosima took the cupcake from Delphine and took a large bite nearly devouring the whole thing before feeding the rest to her girlfriend, “Normally, that would be the case but seeing as how you stole my wish I think it's only fair that you tell what it was used for.”

 

Delphine licked her lips before kissing the corner of Cosima’s mouth to remove the frosting that lay there, “Mmm non that doesn’t sound like a fair rule.”

 

“Non? Okay well, I may have an idea about what you wished for anyway.”

 

“Is that so?” Delphine challenged with a raised eyebrow.

 

Cosima placed the cupcake wrapping on the side table and ran her hands through Delphine’s curly locks, “Mhm oui.”

 

“Okay well then tell me, if you really know what I wished for, tell me whether it has come true or not.”

 

“It has,” Cosima beamed.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Your wish it came true.”

 

Delphine chuckled and shook her head, “Cosima you don't even know what I wished for.”

 

Cosima leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lover's lips, “I know you, Delphine, I know you so well that I’m pretty sure I know what you wished for and I’m telling you that your wish has come true.”

 

Delphine gulped audibly, surely Cosima didn't mean what Delphine thought she meant, “I…I’m scared to ask in case you’re thinking of something else and then I would have gotten my hopes up for nothing.”

 

“Here, I think this is what you wished for.”

 

Cosima reached into her overnight bag and pulled out a large brown envelope. She handed it to Delphine who opened it with bated breath, the envelope encased a letter. Delphine read the opening paragraph and it read:

 

_'Dear Miss Niehaus,_

 

_Congratulations! On behalf of the University of Toronto, I am pleased to announce your full admission to study Evolutionary Development at the beginning of Fall 2017._

 

_Due to your outstanding grades achieved throughout your educational career and a glowing letter of recommendation from your principal, Mr Aldous Leekie, we are delighted to inform you that you qualify for our Marie Currie Biology Scholarship. Your tuition for the duration of your studies with us has been paid in full by the university. We are expecting great things from you, Miss Niehaus._

 

_We look forward to seeing you in the Fall._

 

_Yours sincerely,_

_Mr Jenson_

_(Head of Admissions)'_

 

“COSIMA!” Delphine screamed as she jumped on top of her brunette and pushed them back so that they were both lying on the bed. Delphine smothered Cosima in quick kisses all over her face and neck as she hovered above her. 

 

“DELPHINE!” Cosima chuckled in return. 

 

Delphine’s face held an unrelenting smile and tears streamed down her cheeks, “I-I-I didn't even know you applied to Toronto university! At best I thought you were going to tell me that you got into San Fransisco or somewhere else that was hours and hours away from me.”

 

Cosima pulled Delphine’s face down to meet hers and kissed away her tears, “That's because I wanted to surprise you.”

 

“I am, I am! But...you’re not just going there because you can stay here with me are you?”

 

“I mean don't get me wrong you played into about 95% of my decision, but they have an amazing evo-devo programme and thanks to Leekie they’ve offered me a once in a lifetime scholarship so I’d be an idiot to turn their offer down.”

 

Delphine kissed Cosima tenderly and cupped her cheeks in her hands, trusting Cosima to support her weight as she lay on top of her, “I thought you were going to leave.”

 

Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine’s waist, encouraging her to stay where she was, “I couldn't leave Delphine. Every time we fought about this it broke my heart because I couldn't bare the thought of being away from you. So after the first time it came up I applied to the university here and I’m sorry I didn't tell you straight away I just didn't want to get your hopes up in case I didn't get accepted.”

 

“You’re staying.” Delphine chuckled gleefully in disbelief. 

 

Cosima leant her forehead against Delphine's, “Yep, I’m staying right here Delphine. The university is like a 20 minute bus journey from here which means that you can wake up with me every morning and kiss me to sleep every night. It means that we can go out on weekends with each other without having to schedule Skype dates or plane tickets.”

 

Delphine rubbed her nose against Cosima’s, “I’m so happy right now Cosima.”

 

“Me too Delphine,” Cosima beamed.

 

Delphine’s alarm sounded causing Cosima to grumble which only made Delphine laugh harder, “We are going to celebrate and talk about this more later, but right now we have to get ready.”

 

Cosima’s grip around Delphine’s waist was unrelenting, “Nooooo I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to stay in bed with you.”

 

“Cosima…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“If you don't go to your graduation ceremony, then you won't graduate.”

 

“So? I already got into college.”

 

Delphine lowered her head to the shell of Cosima’s ear and whispered, “Well then, technically, you will be my student forever and we can't do any of the fun activities that I had in mind for us tonight… if you know what I mean.” As Delphine pulled back she seductively bit Cosima’s earlobe. 

 

Cosima rolled Delphine off of her and leapt out of bed in a flash and ran into the bathroom. Delphine laid back in bed and chuckled when she heard the shower hose turn on.

 

“Are you coming to join me?” Cosima called from the bathroom.

 

Delphine shook her head, _so cheeky_ , “No Cosima! Graduation first and then shower sex d’accord?”

 

Delphine heard Cosima fake crying from the bathroom, “You’re killing me, Cormier!”

 

A short time later, both women were ready. Delphine wore a simple form hugging black power suit with a white blouse while Cosima wore a floor-length maroon bodycon dress underneath her navy blue graduation gown. As the pair readied to leave, Delphine grabbed Cosima’s graduation cap from her coffee table and placed in carefully on her brunettes head before kissing her deeply. Cosima pulled away with a dreamy sigh and beamed brightly at her girlfriend. Delphine reached into her blazer pocket and pulled out her phone, setting it on the bookshelf next to them with the camera app open and it counting down from 10. 

 

“Delphine what are you doing?” Cosima asked.

 

“Making memories, smile it's going to take 4 pictures, with a 5-second pause in between each one.”

 

The phone chimed signalling for the women to take their pose. The first picture was a simple one, Delphine and Cosima standing side by side with their arms squeezing their lovers waists smiling brightly into the camera. 

 

“Quick what shall we do next?” Delphine asked in a panicked rush.

 

“Pull a funny face!” Cosima yelled unnecessarily loud.

 

The second picture captured Cosima sticking her tongue out at the camera while Delphine just looked at her crazy brunette clearly laughing hard, hunched over holding her stomach tight. 

 

“What now?” Delphine asked again.

 

“This!”

 

Cosima grabbed her graduation cap from her head and placed it on top of Delphine’s blonde curls. Cosima leapt into Delphine's arms and wrapped her arms around her lover's neck. Causing them both to giggle uncontrollably as they gazed at one another ignoring the camera completely. 

 

“I know what I want to do for the last one,” Delphine whispered.

 

Delphine gently placed Cosima down, still wearing her girlfriend's graduation cap. Just before the final picture was taken, Delphine spun Cosima so that they were facing one another as she wrapped one hand around Cosima’s waist as the other cupped her cheek pulling her up to kiss her softly. The picture captured them in their natural state of complete bliss, Cosima’s arms around Delphine’s neck, Delphine holding Cosima, as they enveloped one another in a sweet kiss. 

 

As Delphine slowly pulled away she chuckled as Cosima stood still eyes still closed as though she was mesmerised. 

 

“I am definitely going to want a copy of those photos,” Cosima managed to speak.

 

“No need mon amour, I’m going to print them out and hang them in our bedroom.”

 

“Okay,” Cosima smiled into a kiss.

 

Delphine pulled away and rubbed Cosima's sides, “Now, let's go, I need to get my girl graduated.” Delphine said as she pulled Cosima towards the front door. 

 

“Yes you do,” Cosima responded with a wink.

 

Once arriving at the school, Delphine parked far enough away so that no one would see them arrive together. As the pair walked closer to the entrance Cosima slowed down.

 

Delphine turned around and slowly walked back to where Cosima had stopped, keeping a reasonable distance, “Cosima are you okay?”

 

“Mhm yeah.”

 

“Non you’re not what's wrong?”

 

“Are you sure?” Cosima blurted out.

 

“Am I sure about what?” Delphine asked confused.

 

“This. Us. Me moving in. Like its okay if you’re not. Like if you’re having second thoughts that's totally cool but just like tell me now so that-“

 

Delphine took a step closer to Cosima, “Cosima what could possibly make you think that I’m having second thoughts.”

 

“Nothing! It's just I want to give you the chance in case you were doubting your choices.”

 

“I’m not d’accord?”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Delphine quickly lifted Cosima's chin up to meet her warm gaze, “Cosima look at me. I’m not going to wake up one morning and decide that I don't want you anymore. I’m not going to leave you okay?”

 

“Okay.” Cosima nodded, knowing that Delphine meant what she said with every ounce of her conviction. 

 

“Bon now come on, the sooner we go in the sooner we can go home.”

 

“I like your thinking Miss Cormier.” 

 

Delphine giggled as Cosima skipped ahead of her.

 

When Delphine finally caught up to Cosima in the auditorium she couldn’t help but watch the way her girlfriend floated around with effortless ease. Cosima spoke to everyone she could, always smiling and happy to engage with anyone.

 

Delphine’s smile faltered however when she saw Paul race up to Cosima and grab her arm, whispering harshly in her ear. 

 

Delphine ran over as fast as she could, trying to disguise her desperation as a calm walk. 

 

“Have we got a problem here?” Delphine asked Paul.

 

“You failed me?!” Paul spat.

 

“Excusez-moi?”

 

“You gave me an F on my final assignment knowing full well it deserved an A.”

 

Delphine put a heavy hand on Paul's shoulder and spoke softly, “Oui I did. Now let go of Cosima’s arm and we can talk outside in the corridor.”

 

Paul marched off towards the corridor and Delphine turned to offer a stunned Cosima a reassuring smile before she followed Paul.

 

Once the pair were in the empty corridor Paul turned to Delphine seething, “You bitch!”

 

“If you say so.” Delphine answered calmly.

 

“No decent college will accept me now! Change my grade!”

 

Delphine took a step closer to Paul, “Hmmmm non.”

 

“No? Do you have any idea who you’re speaking to?”

 

“Yes. A self-entitled, narcissistic bully.”

 

Paul sniggered, “You have no idea, do you? I will ruin you unless you fix my grade!”

 

“And how will you do that?” Delphine asked needing to hear him admit what he had done.

 

“I know about you and Cosima, I’ll tell everyone, I’ll show everyone the pictures I have of you two kissing at the dance.”

 

Delphine shook her head, “D’accord I really don't care.”

 

Paul smirked, “Really? You don't care?”

 

“Non. You see Paul, the only thing I care about is Cosima, and you made her life miserable for the last 4 months.”

 

“So what this is some kind of payback because I took your girlfriend away from you?”

 

“Non Paul, I don't care about what you’ve done to me, this is payback because you made Cosima upset. Because you forced her to do something that she didn't want to do.”

 

“You’re so fucked up do you know that?”

 

“More fucked up than forcing a girl to be your _girlfriend_ for 4 months?”

 

“She loved being my girlfriend do you know that? She was with me all night last night, we stayed up until the early hours actually and I didn't hear her complain once... if you know what I mean.“

 

“Oh is that so?”

 

“Yeah! She doesn't want you!”

 

“I think you’re lying.”

 

“And what makes you so sure about that?”

 

Delphine invaded Paul's personal space completely and whispered in his ear, “Because she was with me all night last night.”

 

Paul grabbed Delphine by her throat and shoved her forcefully up against the lockers and held her there, “I’m not going to tell you again. Change my grade.”

 

“Paul!” Siobhan screamed as she entered the corridor and raced to push Paul off of Delphine, “What the hell is going on here?”

 

“Miss Cormier is dating Cosima and she failed me because I made Cosima break up with her.”

 

Delphine turned to Siobhan, holding her throat, “Siobhan it’s not how it sounds I promise-“

 

Siobhan held her hand up and cut Delphine off before returning her gaze to Paul, “-What and Cosima just agreed to break up with Delphine to be with you?”

 

“No. I told her that I would expose her relationship if she didn't get back together with me. I was trying to do the right thing, Miss Cormier is sick. I have pictures of them together if you don't believe me.”

 

“What and you used the pictures to force Cosima to get back together with you?”

 

“Yes, but I was trying to protect her from Miss Cormier.”

 

“So let me get this straight. You blackmailed Cosima into getting back together with you?”

 

“Well, yes but-

 

“-Look up Paul.”

 

Paul looked above him to see a CCTV camera staring back at him.

 

“Shit,” he snapped.

 

Siobhan's stare was unrelenting, “Shit indeed. It records audio and video.”

 

“So what? It's not like anything's going to happen. Miss Cormier can't do anything about it without incriminating herself.”

 

Siobhan turned to Delphine, “Hmm Delphine have you had sex with Cosima?”

 

“Non, no I have not,” Delphine swore.

 

“And you would be willing to testify to that?”

 

“Oui, absolutely, it's the truth."

 

“Ah very well then,” Siobhan concluded.

 

“What the fuck do you mean ‘very well then’? Do something Mrs S!” Paul pleaded.

 

“Well, Paul, Delphine here has only ever kissed Cosima I assume…” Siobhan turned to Delphine who nodded in return, “… exactly Delphine and Cosima have only ever kissed. Sure that is inappropriate and could cause Delphine to lose her job, but it isn’t illegal. Delphine is brilliant and I have no doubt could find another job immediately. Whereas you Paul, you assaulted Delphine, blackmailed Cosima, recorded them without consent and I’m sure many other illegal things in between. There is enough footage on that CCTV to have you imprisoned for a minimum of 2 years- and let's be honest what college is going to want to admit a parolee.”

 

“...What?” Paul stammered.

 

“If you tell anyone about Delphine and Cosima I will make it my top priority to see to it that you go to prison and trust me Paul when I say that a judge and jury won't give a shit who your father is. There will not be enough money in the world that will stop you from going to prison.” 

 

“I-”

 

“-I suggest you take the grade that Miss Cormier has so graciously given you and apply to some more attainable colleges. If I ever hear that you've told anyone about them or have tried to contact them I will tell the police everything that you’ve done, I promise you, Paul.”

 

After taking a minute to weigh up his options Paul looked at Siobhan, “Fine,” he deflated and sauntered back into the auditorium. Delphine couldn't be sure but she could have sworn she saw him wipe away a tear. _Good_ , she thought.

 

Delphine turned to her colleague, “Siobhan I-“

 

Siobhan began to laugh, “Whats so funny?” Delphine asked cautiously. 

 

“You! This! Jesus I’m kicking myself that I didn't see it sooner, it was totally obvious! You and Cosima volunteering at the youth centre, her taking my seat on the plane, the tension between you two in London and all of the mood swings Cosima has been throwing over the last few months. It was so obvious and yet I missed it completely.”

 

“I meant what I said Siobhan, we haven't done anything beyond a kiss, I would never-“

 

“-Yeah, yeah I figured as much. Is that why Cosima’s been so moody because you wouldn't have sex with her?”

 

Delphine joined in with Siobhan's hysterics, “oui I think so. Plus the whole being blackmailed into being with your ex-boyfriend thing.”

 

“She's a tough kid, way tougher than anyone gives her credit for.”

 

“Yes, she is,” Delphine smiled proudly.

 

Siobhan's hand came flying up to her forehead, “Oh my God it all makes sense now.”

 

“What does?”

 

“That time you sent me to bring her back to your lesson, on the way she confided in me about this woman that she was in love with… she told me that she had hurt this woman and she couldn't tell her why she had hurt her. I’m going to take a wild guess that she was talking about you, I’m going to assume that she couldn't tell you that she called things off with you because Paul was threatening your career…am I right?”

 

“Oui exactly. She knew I would go crazy at Paul and end up losing my job either way. So she kept me in the dark until she couldn’t lie anymore.”

 

“Holy shit! So what are you going to do now?”

 

“Well after graduation… she's moving in with me.”

 

“She’s what?!”

 

“I know it sounds crazy but we always sleep together… in the same bed I mean, fully clothed!... We just fit. We started out as friends and things just grew from there, eventually, we would just stay with each other every night so it seems stupid to have her stay home by herself.”

 

“She doesn't waste any time that one does she?”

 

“Ha non she does not.”

 

“But I have to know for my own sanity, who made the first move?”

 

“Technically her. She kissed me first,” Delphine smiled at the memory.

 

“Of course she did.”

 

“This is actually all thanks to you.”

 

“Okay, now I’m lost. How is you falling in love with your student my fault?”

 

“The first time I ever actually thought that we could be anything more than a teacher and a student was when you didn't show up to that poetry recital back in September… Cosima was there that night and we just hit it off.”

 

“That little bastard!”

 

“Quoi?”

 

“Felix!”

 

“What about Felix?”

 

“He’s friends with Cosima! I bet he told her that you were going to be there alone!”

 

“Wait… really? You think Cosima planned to see me there?” Delphine asked genuinely confused.

 

“Absolutely! She was crushing on you since before school even began!”

 

“Okay now I’m lost.” 

 

“Do you remember your first day here. When it was just us teachers here… well and Cosima.”

 

“Oui.”

 

“Well that night Cosima came round to my house for dinner with Felix and I before school started and she wouldn't stop asking about you. She said she saw you when she came to drop off the key to the lab.”

 

“Asking what?”

 

“Like what you was teaching and if she was going to be in your class. She asked if you were nice and…” Siobhan began laughing again.

 

“And what Siobhan?”

 

“She asked if you was married or dating anyone. At the time I thought she was just curious but now I get why.”

 

Delphine giggled, “Mon dieu… I’ve been hers from the start haven't I?”

 

“Yes love, absolutely.”

 

“Bon, there are worst things than being seduced by the woman you love.”

 

“So you do really love her then?”

 

“Yes Siobhan, I love Cosima very much.”

 

“Good because you know if you hurt her I’ll have to kick your willowy arse.” 

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way… does this mean that you’re not going to tell Principal Leekie?” Delphine asked carefully.

 

“Of course not Del. I need you here with me next year to keep me sane. Just don't fall in love with any more of your students okay, please?”

 

“I won't Siobhan, I’m telling you that I’m devoted to Cosima and no one else.”

 

“I believe you. Now let's go and get your girl graduated so that you can finally-“

 

“-Siobhan!” Delphine slapped her friends arm playfully.

 

“What? I was going to say move in together! Get your mind out the gutter Delphine!” Siobhan winked.

 

“Mhm sure you were mon ami!”

 

Delphine and Siobhan made their way into the auditorium and took their front row seats that Delphine had reserved weeks before. 

 

As the ceremony began each student made their way up on the stage and shook principal Leekie’s hand and received their diploma. Delphine’s legs and hands shook with anticipation to see her little brunette finally graduate. 

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Delphine, Cosima’s name was called. The brunette made her way up on stage, nearly falling over some wiring in the process which made Delphine and Siobhan burst with laughter which earnt them a death glare from the graduate. As Cosima shook Leekie’s hand she chuckled with relief and turned to the audience to wave her diploma. She looked right and Delphine and placed her hand over her heart briefly, a gesture that although only lasting for a fleeting moment Delphine knew she would never forget. 

 

As Cosima exists the stage and takes her seat once more, she can't stop staring at Delphine. Delphine freaking Cormier was her girlfriend! 

 

Cosima pulled out her phone and texted the blonde:

 

**C: So…**

 

**D: Oui?**

 

**C: Wanna ditch the rest and take me home?**

 

Delphine chuckled which earned her a look of disgust from certain preppy parents and a giggle from Cosima at getting her girlfriend in trouble, **D: No Cosima!**

 

**C: C’mon I know you want to!**

 

**D: Oui I want to but I’m not just here for you, I have other students that are graduating.**

 

**C: Delphine, take me home now or so help me God I will march over to you and kiss you so hard you will see stars. And I’ll do it to you in front of everyone.**

 

**D: You wouldn’t!**

 

**C: Do you really want to test me Frenchie?**

 

**D: Non!**

 

**C: Good answer. Meet you at your car in 5?**

 

**D: Fine, if I have to.**

 

**C: I’m sorry Cormier would you rather stay here for another 2 hours watching a bunch of graduates shake Leekie’s hand?**

 

**D: Maybe…**

 

**C: Okay I see how it is. I’ll be at our home waiting for you. God I hope I don't accidentally set anything on fire.**

 

**D: Cosima!**

 

**C: Kidding! But seriously if you want to stay we can, I get that you put a lot of effort into teaching us lot and it probably means a lot to see us graduate.**

 

**D: Non I was kidding too. I’ve seen everyone from English graduate, they're the only people I actually cared about (apart from Paul obviously). I don't know who these people are. Allons-y!**

 

**C: Bon! Let’s go!**

 

Cosima discreetly left the auditorium and waited for Delphine. After saying her goodbyes to Siobhan Delphine left too, meeting up with Cosima in the foyer. 

 

Delphine linked her arm with Cosima’s and walked her brunette towards her car. When the pair finally reached the car, with no one around, Delphine pinned Cosima against the door and kissed her sweetly, “I’m so proud of you Cosima do you know that?”

 

“Really?”

 

“Oui really. You’ve overcome so much to achieve what you have and I for one could not be any prouder if I tried.”

 

“Well, I had a pretty decent English teacher who helped me get a stellar grade.”

 

“Excuse me? Decent?”

 

“Okay, fantastic! A  pretty fantastic, caring, sexy, smart teacher.”

 

Cosima reached up on her tiptoes and pulled Delphine down into another more heated kiss.

 

“Correction, ex-teacher.”

 

“You’re right, my mistake, ex-teacher. Speaking of which I can't believe that you failed Paul!”

 

“Oui well, I couldn't let him get away with torturing you for 4 months could I?”

 

“You mean you couldn't let him get away with stealing your girlfriend for 4 months.”

 

“Hmm maybe that too.”

 

“Jheez jealous Delphine is seriously hot.”

 

“Protective, not jealous.”

 

“Mhm if you were protective you would have told him off at worst. But jealous Delphine is the one who failed him so that he disgraces his family and ends up at a shitty college for 4 years.”

 

Delphine giggled and stroked Cosima’s cheek with her knuckles, “Okay maybe you’re right… Cosima?”

 

“Oui.”

 

“Do you remember that night that we accidentally bumped into each other at the theatre for the poetry recital?”

 

“Of course. I bought you a glass of wine and stole your dates seat.”

 

“Mhm about that… did you know I was going to be there?”

 

“Mmm why?”

 

“Did you?”

 

“Maybe…” 

 

“Cosima!” Delphine screamed jokingly. 

 

“Okay yes! I knew you would be there. I knew you’d be there alone and I just… I don't know I wanted to get to know you.”

 

“And here I was thinking that fate brought us together.”

 

“Well if by fate you mean Felix faking a virus then yeah sure it did.”

 

“Wait Felix wasn't really sick?”

 

“Mmm nope I made him pretend so that S couldn’t go and I could take her ticket instead, I just gave your name at the ticket office and got her ticket.”

 

“You’re so cheeky.”

 

Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine's waist, “Are you pissed?”

 

“Why would I be pissed?”

 

“Because I was crushing on you sooooo hard that I staged us meeting so that I could spend time with you.”

 

“If anything I’m flattered. Look where yours and Felix’s tactics got us. We're about to go to your house and move you into our home.”

 

“I love you so much Delphine. You have no idea.”

 

“Non Cosima I have every idea. Now let's go and get you moved in so I can show you just how much I love you also.”

 

Cosima squealed with joy as she pulled Delphine into the car, the pair made their way to Cosima’s house to pick her her packed belongings and move them into their home.

 


	12. In My Veins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ending was inspired by another Cophine fic called 'You're Late' by cosima_phine. It is a beautiful story which you should definitely read if you haven't already. I changed my original ending for those of you who wanted a sequel, I know this isn't exactly what you guys had in mind but I hope that this can give you some comfort. 
> 
> And as always thank you for your support <3
> 
> Chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSYnOeO5rdk

As the women made their way into Cosima’s house, Delphine took Cosima’s hand in her own and squeezed it gently. Cosima looked up at her girlfriend and smiled softly, leaning up on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. 

 

To Delphine’s surprise, Cosima had actually packed. There were boxes splashed all over the living space and kitchen with writing scribbled hap handily all over them. The house just felt empty, void of any warmth, just a shell of what should have been a wonderful childhood home. 

 

Cosima made her way over to a group of 3 large boxes that sat in the centre of the dining room. “Here we go, this is it. I guess we can take one each and share the last one”. 

 

Delphine came and stood alongside her girlfriend, “Wait, this is all you’re bringing with you? 3 boxes?”

 

“Mhm, just clothes, some books and documents.”

 

“Are you sure you don't want to bring anything else with you?”

 

“Nope, I’m sure.”

 

Delphine spun around to face the rest of the boxes that occupied the space, “What about all of these other boxes, what's in them?”

 

“Just like old pictures and school certificates and stuff I made with Susan at the centre as a kid, you know paintings and stuff.”

 

“D’accord, find them. They’re coming with us.”

 

“No Delphine its fine honest, they're just stupid keepsakes. I don't need them anymore.”

 

Delphine took a step closer to her girlfriend and wrapped her arms around her waist, pressing their foreheads together, “Cosima, please, bring them. I want you to show me your baby pictures and show me all of the stuff you made as a kid. I don't want you to forget about who you were just because you’re moving in with me. It’s our home now and I want to put your pictures on the wall and keep your finger paintings so that one day we can show our-” Delphine stopped abruptly, only realising what she was saying after it was too late. 

 

Cosima’s smile bloomed into her signature toothy beam as she chuckled, “I’m sorry what was that Cormier? I don't think I heard the last part of your sentence. Would you mind repeating it?”

 

Delphine pulled out of their embrace embarrassed as she buried her blushing face in her hands and shook her head, “Cosima!”

 

“No come on, what were you going to say? You want me to keep my childhood memories so that one day we can show our…” Cosima rolled her hands in a circular motion encouraging Delphine to continue, loving this side of her girlfriend, as she let out an infectious chuckle. 

 

Delphine chuckled in return as Cosima wrapped her arms around her waist and painted circles on her lower back with her fingers, “please Cosima, just forget I said anything, I didn't mean to say that.”

 

“Say what you didn't say anything,” Cosima smirked knowingly.

 

“Cosimaaa!” Delphine warned.

 

“Just say it, Delphine!” Cosima responded still chuckling.

 

“Are you going to let this go anytime soon?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Delphine rolled her eyes playfully, “Mmm… fine. I just… I meant that one day maybe… if you want to that is…”

 

“This is ridiculously cute,” Cosima stated sensing her girlfriend's nerves.

 

“Egh you’re enjoying my suffering way too much, I take it back I don't want to marry you or have kids with you.”

 

“Ah ha! So you do want to marry me and have a family with me!”

 

“ _Did_.” Delphine emphasised.

 

“You know I’m only playing.” Cosima cooed. 

 

“Oui I know. But I honestly didn't mean to say it.”

 

“But you want to right? Someday?”

 

Delphine blushed and nodded gently, “Oui, someday. If you want to.”

 

“Are you kidding? Of course, I want to! I’ve been planning our future together since September, marriage and kids included.”

 

Delphine giggled, “really?”

 

“Yep. Obviously, it was just a fantasy then, but I do want all of those things with you Delphine, at some point in the future when I’m done with school and we both have stable jobs, I want nothing more than to marry you and start a family with you.”

 

“Me too Cosima,” Delphine whispered.

 

“Good, I love you.”

 

“I know, I love you too.”

 

Both women leant into one another at the same time and bumped noses briefly. Delphine brought her hand up to stroke Cosima’s cheek and kissed her softly. 

 

Cosima smiled and rested her forehead against Delphine’s chest, “Now put those gorgeous arms to good use and get lifting, I’ll dig out all of baby Cosima’s things.”

 

Delphine rubbed Cosima's back before pulling away, “D’accord! Allons-y!”

 

A job which realistically should have taken half an hour turned into an hour and a half, with Cosima insisting on stopping every 10 minutes for a mandatory kissing and cuddle break which she swore is part of health and safety regulations when moving. 

 

Despite Delphine's initial resistance she caved and gave into each and every one of Cosima’s advances which only seemed to grow deeper and heavier with each passing break. However, eventually they were done, and with Delphine’s car full to the brim of boxes and Cosima bursting with excitement to finally leave this house for good, the pair made their way home. 

 

Once arriving home, they each took it in turns to grab a box and carry it inside the house. Cosima pleaded with Delphine to unpack the next day but Delphine just chuckled and said that she wanted Cosima settled in as soon as possible. With a loud grunt, Cosima carried the box filled with clothes into their bedroom and began unpacking her wardrobe. 

 

Meanwhile, Delphine stayed in the living room and tackled the 2 boxes filled with documents and books. She placed the books on her rather bear bookshelf, now looking so much more fulfilled and took a second to brush the binding of the book that she bought Cosima for her birthday, thinking back to all that they had overcome to get to this stage and smiling to herself. Then Delphine took all of Cosima’s documents and placed them amongst her own for safe keeping before moving onto the 3 boxes full of memories. 

 

Delphine rummaged through the boxes, stroking and smiling at pictures of baby Cosima with no teeth or hair. And crying with laughter at pictures of Cosima as a child pulling various poses and always doing something goofy. She admired Cosima’s artwork and even found a few poems she had written ages 6-13, which in Delphine's professional opinion were absolutely the cutest thing she had ever read. 

 

Finally an hour later, Cosima emerged from the bedroom and sat next to Delphine on the floor reminiscing and telling her stories of how each piece of work had come about, Delphine just stared at her girlfriend smiling and wondered how she had gotten so lucky.  After each piece had been fully explained and admired, Delphine hung several pictures of Cosima the walls next to her own photos and hung a few of her favourite pieces of Cosima’s artwork on their fridge, despite Cosima’s protests. 

 

By this stage, it was evening. Delphine collapsed all of the cardboard boxes and took them outside to the kerb. Once she returned to the house, she stood in the doorway for a moment just appreciating how much warmer it felt, how much safer she felt knowing that Cosima was inside waiting for her. Once inside, Delphine closed the door behind her and called out for Cosima, when she got no response she tried again. 

 

“Cosima?” Delphine called out further into the house. 

 

“In the bedroom” came Cosima’s quiet voice. 

 

Delphine made her way upstairs towards her bedroom, when she opened her bedroom door she saw Cosima sitting in the middle of their bed with hundreds of lit candles surrounding the space as a soft, French, sensual playlist was playing in the background. The window was open slightly as a gentle breeze blew through the room, everything was perfect and beyond what anyone had ever done for Delphine before. 

 

Cosima cleared her throat nervously, Delphine thought it was adorable, “I don't want to assume anything, but I just thought that since I’m no longer your student and we’re like madly in love with one another than this may be something that you wanted. Like I said no pressure at all I just, I know that today was always the day that we were going to... but if you’ve changed your mind or you want to wait some more than that's totally okay with me, I just wanted to try and make it special for you.”

 

Delphine shut the bedroom door behind her and walked over to Cosima. She joined her lover and sat in the middle of the bed and brushed her lips gently against her girlfriends, “of course I want to Cosima, this is so beautiful thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Delphine nuzzled her nose against Cosima's, “When did you even do all of this?”

 

Cosima giggled softly, “You didn't seriously think that it took me an hour to unpack a box of clothes did you?”

 

Delphine shook her head, “Cheeky.”

 

Cosima took Delphine's hands in her own as she lifted her eyes to gaze into her girlfriends, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”

 

“Oui, I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you… Are you ready? This goes both ways, I want you to feel comfortable too. I don't just want the physical part of you Cosima, I want all of you and if you’re not ready I understand.”

 

“Not ready? This is all I’ve dreamt about for months.” Cosima blurted out.

 

Delphine chuckled as she lifted her hands to play with the baby hairs on Cosima’s neck, “I know, you may have mentioned it once or twice.”

 

Cosima leant forward and pressed her forehead against her girlfriends, “But seriously, I love you. Even without sex, I love you, you know that.”

 

“I know Cosima, I know. No matter what happens my feelings for you won't change d’accord?… And to be honest I’ve been thinking about it a lot too.”

 

“Oh is that so?" Cosima smirked.

 

“Oui.” Delphine breathed as she felt her heart beat double.

 

“Well, show don't tell.”

 

“D’accord mon amour,” Delphine smiled brightly. 

 

Delphine learned forward and cupped Cosima’s cheeks between her palms, kissing her passionately with a promise to make the months of suspense and cold showers worth the wait.

 

Delphine gently pushed Cosima’s shoulders down until they were both lying flat against their bed with Delphine hovering above her girlfriend. Delphine tenderly kissed Cosima’s neck and shoulder as she undressed her slowly and completely, taking in the beauty that was Cosima. Delphine looked down at her brunettes frame as she ran her hand along the sides of her body.

 

Delphine kissed her way to Cosima’s ear as she whispered, “You're so beautiful," making a blush run all the way along Cosima’s neck. 

 

Cosima rolled them both over so that she now straddled Delphine’s lap. The brunette encouraged Delphine to sit up as she undressed her girlfriend also. Delphine shivered at the slightest touch she felt. Cosima gazed at Delphine’s newly naked body, caressing her newly discovered skin. She was so beautiful and she was Cosima’s.

 

“God Delphine you’re so perfect.” Cosima breathed as she leant in for an eager kiss. 

 

Cosima guided Delphine down until she lay flat on her back, dragging her lips down her now exposed chest, before continuing to her stomach. Cosima looked up to stare into her girlfriend's eyes seeing nothing but love pouring out of them. Cosima sat up to place a tender reassuring kiss on the blonde's lips before returning to her previous position below her stomach. 

 

As Cosima continued on her journey south, Delphine reached down and played with Cosima’s soft dreadlocks. Cosima smiled widely as she finally reached her destination and heard Delphine’s breath hitch as she released a loud moan, squeezing her eyes shut. 

 

Cosima's smile was unwavering as she felt Delphine’s back arch and her hips buck down. Cosima continued her exploration, altering the quickness and pressure of her tongue, never letting Delphine become weary and equally never letting herself become predictable. Delphine pushed Cosima’s head down further into her core as she felt herself falling further and further into oblivion, which she welcomed happily knowing it was Cosima that was pushing her over the edge.

 

Despite Delphine’s best efforts to delay the inevitable, she had reached her climax far too soon, months of built up sexual frustration had finally been released and she came screaming Cosima’s name louder than she ever thought possible, as Cosima held her hands that were tensed at her side. 

 

As Delphine let her body relax into their bed, she felt Cosima kiss her way up her body before kissing her deeply.

 

Cosima brushed Delphine’s golden locks from her face and kissed her cheeks as Delphine’s breath normalised, “I love you. Oh my God Delphine, you were amazing. I- “

 

Before Cosima had a chance to finish her praise, Delphine grabbed Cosima by her shoulders and rolled them over so that Delphine was once again on top. 

 

Delphine smiled before she kissed Cosima fiercely, Cosima moaned into Delphine’s kiss and wrapped her hands tight around the blonde's neck.

 

Cosima’s pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes, both women’s eyes darkened with desire. 

 

Delphine’s hand caressed Cosima’s cheek as the other made their way down Cosima’s body. Delphine kissed Cosima deeply, only stopping briefly when Cosima pulled away to moan loudly when she felt Delphine inside her. Delphine worked Cosima up expertly, trusting her instinct and love for the brunette to guide her in her ministrations. 

 

Feeling that Cosima was getting close, Delphine gazed into her girlfriend's eyes, they kissed tenderly, moving their mouths in perfect harmony with one another. They both cried at the tenderness of the moment, knowing that the wait was finally over and that they had this to look forward to for the rest of their lives. 

 

Delphine breathed endearments of love with laboured breaths as Cosima fell over the edge panting and screaming explicit things over and over again.

 

 “Je ne te quitterais jamais (I will never leave you) Cosima” Delphine cried at the peak of Cosima’s climax.

 

After Cosima’s body had relaxed and she had recovered, both women pulled each other close, just holding one another as they rode out the remains of the delicate aftershocks. 

 

They lay facing one another in their bed, a tangle of exhausted limbs. Delphine felt tears roll down her cheeks as Cosima wiped them away and asked, “Whats wrong?”

 

Delphine sniffled, “I could have had that 3 months ago in February.”

 

Cosima chuckled as she moved forward and pulled Delphine to lay on her chest, “Now I’m not one to say you I told you so but…”

 

“Non you were right, I’m sorry Cosima. I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”

 

“It’s okay you done it for all of the right reasons,” Cosima reassured playing with Delphine's hair as her other hand intertwined with Delphine's.

 

Delphine titled her head upwards so that she could look into Cosima's eyes, “I’m so happy that you’re going to university here. After tonight I don't think I could have let you go.”

 

“After tonight there's no way in hell I would have gone anywhere other than right here with you.”

 

Both women leant in at the same time and kissed one another affectionately. 

 

Delphine placed her head back on Cosima's chest, “That was perfect Cosima, I’ve never felt anything as breathtaking as that. It’s like you knew what I wanted even before I did.”

 

Cosima was glad Delphine couldn't see her face, more specifically she was glad she couldn't see the blush or the proud smile that now occupied her face, “Ditto obvs, you’re so incredible. And if I'm being honest I think it was like that because you made us wait. When the time came for us to actually have sex I was already so in love with you that I… I don't know, it just felt like the most natural thing in the world. Like I was making love to my best friend that I’m insanely in love with you know?”

 

“Oui je connais. I felt the same way too.” Delphine cooed as she tightened her grip on Cosima.

 

“It was most defiantly worth the wait.”

 

“Bon, I’m glad you think so.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Cosima asked quietly. 

 

“Of course.”

 

“Was it weird? I mean like you know, a few hours ago I was your student.”

 

Delphine lifted her head once again and cupped Cosima's cheek as she kissed her softly, “Non Cosima. I can't explain it but I knew as soon as I saw you that you wasn't just another student.”

 

“Really?” Cosima asked with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“Oui I promise. Cosima what we just did was incredible. There is not a single part of me that isn't completely and stupidly happy right now.”

 

“Me too Delphine.”

 

Delphine kissed Cosima's cheek as she lowered her head to Cosima's shoulder, “And just think we can have this again whenever we want.”

 

“What if whenever is like all the time because I honestly can't see a time when I’m not going to want to do this with you.”

 

Delphine tittered, “D’accord, whenever you want.”

 

“I like that sound of that… oh, that reminds me. I wrote something for you. When you said about this morning marking the beginning of our lives, I knew that I wanted to write you something that you would always have to remember it by. It’s not as beautiful as your letter and it’s stupid really-”

 

“-Cosima, I will love it. I will love whatever you write for me.” Delphine interrupted. 

 

“Just don't like laugh or anything okay? I’m not a touchy-feely kind of person so you know that what I wrote I meant. You are the only person that I would ever do this for.”

 

“I won't laugh, I promise. Read it to me.”

 

“Okay.” Cosima reached into her new bedside table and pulled out a piece of paper and began to read it as Delphine nuzzled further into her neck.

 

_“Dear Delphine,_

 

_I’ll never forget the first time I saw you, I didn't know what had hit me. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt._

 

_Once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again. You have this fear that everyone you love is going to break your heart. But I did get attached, to you. And I don't regret it, I never have. Even when we fought or we weren't together, I never regretted letting you in even for a second because all of the heartbreak that we experienced meant that I had a heart that was so full of love for you that it was able to be broken in the first place which I think is pretty special, if not terrifying also._

 

_I don't remember an exact moment when I fell in love with you, even though I like to think that it was the second I saw you, I just remember being held in your arms after you walked me home and realising how much it was going to hurt when I had to let go. It was probably nothing to you, but to me, it felt like the world._

 

_I remember I was in class a few months back and my teacher asked me to describe home and I swear I almost said your name, but I stayed quiet instead, people expect you to say a place but the truth is I felt more at home in your two arms than I ever did in my own house. You made me feel safe and loved, and I know that it is hard to understand sometimes when I try to explain it but you gave me a home Delphine. Without you I would still be alone, waiting for something good to happen, waiting for a day when I didn't wake up lonely, but I know now that I don't have to wait anymore. Never again will I have to wait for anyone because no matter what I will always have you and I promise in return you will always have me._

 

_I love you, Delphine, always and forever just like we planned._

 

 _Love your Cosima x_ ”

 

Delphine squeezed Cosima and she sobbed, “That was beautiful, thank you.”

 

Cosima held her and wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs, “Yeah well, I figured that it was only fair that you got an awesome love letter too.”

 

Delphine chuckled, “Oui c’est vrai. And it felt like the world to me to Cosima, holding you in my arms.”

 

“Good because now we have all the time in the world for you to hold me.”

 

Delphine leant up and held her lips over Cosima's, she whispered “I will”, before kissing her like it was the first time.

 

Delphine smiled and nuzzled her face back into Cosima’s neck as her arms and legs wrapped around Cosima’s body and held her close, promising to never let go.

 

**__________________________________________________________________________________________**

 

**OCTOBER (2037)**

 

“Mon dieu! My maman was my moms teacher. Holy shit I need a minute.” Siobhan exclaimed. 

 

Delphine chuckled as she stood in between her wife’s legs, Cosima sat happily up on their kitchen counter enveloping Delphine with a hug from above. 

 

Siobhan, their 15-year-old daughter, sat at the kitchen table with her science homework sprawled out in front of her, her mouth agape and her hand resting on her forehead.

 

Although Delphine carried Siobhan and gave birth to her, it was Cosima’s eggs they used fused with an anonymous donor’s sperm. The donor had blonde curly hair and big golden, doe eyes, he really could have been Delphine’s clone in another life. Siobhan was the spitting image of both parents, with short blonde curly hair like Delphine and dark brown eyes like Cosima, she definitely had Delphine’s kindness and compassion paired with Cosima’s sense or wonder and humour- she was beautiful and she was theirs. 

 

Cosima chuckled as she tilted Delphine’s head back and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, Cosima turned her attention to her daughter, “don't blame us kiddo, you're the one who wanted to know how we met.”

 

“Yeah because I expected you to say you met in a coffee shop or at a bar or something else boring.”

 

Cosima giggled, “Nope we met in room 324 at Toronto high school, well the staff room really but you know- details.”

 

Delphine rubbed her wife's thighs that were wrapped around her waist, “Oui I taught your mom how to write poetry.”

 

“Hey", Cosima playfully smacked her wife's bicep, "I could write poetry just fine before I met you Mrs ‘Minister of Education for the Government of Canada’ Cormier.”

 

It was true, Delphine rose the ranks quickly and now at the still very much young age of 43, she was Minister for the Department of Education for the Canadian Government. Additionally, after pioneering new scientific research during her studies, Cosima was now head of the Science department at Toronto University and had already received tenure years ago at the age of 30. Both Cosima and Delphine had achieved so much professionally, they were idolised by their colleagues and employees, but no one admired them more than their daughter. 

 

Delphine chuckled, “Oui c'est vrai, I just taught you how to write _better_ poetry… when you showed up to my lessons that is.”

 

“Oh my God Delphineeeee! We’ve been together for 20 years! In those 20 years, we’ve had 2 PHD’s earned, several very lucrative promotions, a wedding (and an amaaaaazing honeymoon), we reconnected with both of our families, bought a beautiful 3 bedroom house and raised a beautiful teenage nightmare, sorry, I mean daughter. And yet you’re still getting on my case because I ditched a few of your lessons?”

 

“Oui, I just missed you thats all. I didn't have anyone to stare at while I was reading my love poems.”

 

“Aw babe, I missed you too.” Cosima leant forward and nibbled Delphine's earlobe.

 

Siobhan stood up from the table, “Ewww gross. I’m going to finish my work upstairs.”

 

Both women chuckled, Cosima looked up, “Good! And don't forget that both sets of grandparents, Susan, Siobhan and Felix are coming around for dinner tonight okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be ready.”

 

Delphine smiled at her daughter, “Good girl, we love you.”

 

Siobhan walked over to her mom and maman, kissed them both on their cheeks and smiled widely at them, “I love you both too. Seriously, I couldn't ask for better parents... but if your gonna have sex or whatever text me so I can go round Auntie Siobhan’s house for a few hours.”

 

“Siobhan!” both women chuckled.

 

Siobhan held her hands up in mock defence, “Hey I’m not a kid anymore, just give me warning m’kay? I know how much you two love each other- I dont need to hear it.”

 

Delphine shook her head playfully, “I swear to God you get more and more cheeky every day, just like your mom.”

 

“Well then Mrs Cormier, God help you.” Siobhan joked as she retreated upstairs. 

 

Once their daughter was out of sight, Delphine spun around, lifted Cosima off of their counter and carried her over to their couch where the brunette straddled her lap. 

 

Cosima smiled at her wife and tangled her hands in those blonde locks that she loved so much. Delphine ran her hands up and down Cosima’s sides as she leaned in slowly and kissed her deeply. 

 

Delphine pulled away to catch her breath, “Mon amour, 20 years.”

 

Cosima beamed at her wife in return, “Mhm and not a single missed birthday or anniversary, no serious arguments, no divorce.”

 

Delphine chuckled, “Divorce? Never. I think we’ve done pretty good all things considered.”

 

“All things considered?”

 

“Well yeah things could have gone a lot worse for us. I could have been fired or arrested, you could have been expelled for truanting.”

 

“Well thats true but you wouldn't have been arrested, you made me wait remember?”

 

“Hmm I think I’ve more than made up for making you wait after 20 years haven't I?”

 

“Yeah I guess.”

 

“Bon. I told you I would make it up to you.”

 

“What? When?”

 

“In the letter I wrote you on your birthday.”

 

Cosima nodded enthusiastically, “Of course how could I forget, It’s framed and sitting on my desk so that whenever I’m stressed I can read it and think of you.”

 

“Really? You framed it?” Delphine smiled softly. 

 

“Yeah totally. I read it all the time and it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy you know?”

 

“Oui I know… I photocopied the letter you wrote me and I carry it around in my purse with me…”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“Cest Vrai!” Delphine blushed.

 

“You’re such a softy!”

 

“Hey! You framed my letter!” 

 

“Only to protect it! Its an important part of our history! Wheres my original letter huh?”

 

“Its eh…”

 

“Its where?”

 

Delphine buried her face in her hands, “In a safety deposit box at the bank with all my other keep sakes.”

 

“I knew it! You’re such a romantic!”

 

“Yeah only because you made me that way! I wasn't always this affectionate.”

 

“Oh is that so?”

 

“Mhm oui.”

 

“So I just happen to bring out your affectionate side?”

 

“You do. You always have.” Delphine cooed running her hands along her wifes cheeks and chest.

 

“I just want you to know that… never mind”

 

“Non say it.”

 

“No really, its stupid.”

 

“Then tell me so I can laugh at you.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Im joking mon coeur, tell me.”

 

“I just… I’ve never actually said this to you before because I always thought that it kind of went without saying, I just took for granted that you already knew it.”

 

“Knew what?”

 

“How much I love you. I mean I know I tell you every day that I love you which to this day I still mean every ounce of me, and maybe it's just telling our story to Siobhan thats gotten me all sentimental but I want to tell you something okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Delphine, my feelings for you haven't changed even a fraction in the past 20 years. When I look at you I still see that flustered, wide eyed, nervous wreck standing in the staff room on the first day of my senior year trying her hardest to look calm and fit in. And although we’ve both gotten older and we’re both starting to get wrinkles from laughing with each other so much, you are still as beautiful as the first time I saw you. And I know we had it rough for a while there all them years ago, I know that we fought and broke up but in the grand scheme of our lives together Del that was nothing but a small blip. Everyday that I spent with you getting to know you and falling in love with you was absolutely worth the times that I stayed up at nights crying or screaming because I missed you. And now here we are 20 years later, we defied all of the odds that were stacked against us and we made it. We have a beautiful home and incredible jobs that we love, we have our parents back and we have a daughter that I love so much because I see her become more and more like you everyday, she has your intelligence and beauty but most important she has your kind heart that makes me swell with pride and love each time I look at her… And finally I have you. I have you Delphine, I don't know what possessed you to be with me, but by some miracle you fell in love with me. You’re my wife and the mother of my daughter and if someone would have told 17 year old me that this is how my life would have turned out I would never have believed them, because most of the time I still don't believed it even now. I cant believe that you’re with me, that you stayed with me through everything, through school and reconciling with my parents, you were always there supporting me just as you promised me you would on the plane to London. And everyday I remind myself to cherish you because that is what you deserve, you deserve to be loved and cared for and I promise that I will spend our next 20 years and the next 20 years after that and so on looking after you and remembering everyday how lucky I am to have you.”

 

“Oh Cosima.” Delphine grabbed Cosima and kissed her with everything she had. She kissed away her wife’s tears as Cosima rubbed hers away in return. “Mon amour, everything you said I feel the same way. I love our life together, I love our daughter and I love you. I wouldn't change a thing about our lives together d’accord? Not a single second. Thinking back now there was no chance that this isn't exactly how we were supposed to end up. Each time we broke up we always found our way back to one another.” 

 

“I know, I love you so much Delphine.”

 _  
_ “J’taime aussi! Cosima. Even before you touched me, I belonged to you; all you had to do was look at me.”

 

“And I’m so thankful that I did.”

 

Cosima leant forward and captured Delphine's lips in a sweet embrace. Each woman held her wife tight, just as they would continue to do for each day that was to come for the rest of their lives together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's a wrap! I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for you. I really did try and give everyone what they asked for when they commented that they wanted the plot to go a certain way so I hope that you were all satisfied. 
> 
> I'm taking a break from writing until the summer. However, I have so many ideas for fics that I want to write and I'm really excited to share them with you all when I return.
> 
> Until then, thank you all for you lovely comments and kudos that have motivated me to keep writing, I really appreciate it. And thank you to all of my regular commenters that have been with me since the beginning :D <3


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